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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

are you starting to see the other side yet?

I am, I really am. A real indicator was yesterday, when I was with the STBXWW at Meet the Teacher day. It was weird, since it was so "normal," the two of us and the kids. We were cordial. I looked at her a few times across the room, and though I'd be lying if I said I felt no emotion or "pull," I was able to actively control it. I pushed it down, and it worked. A few months ago I never would have been able to wield such control over my emotions.

I said goodbye, drove away, haven't seen her since and haven't shed a tear. I can't tell you how relieved I feel to not be an emotional slave to her.

I am under no illusions that I am anywhere near the real end of the rollercoaster. Lots of emotional stuff await--the divorce process, moving her remaining stuff out of the house, and worst of all, finally seeing the POS (in two years I've only seen one pic of him) and restraining myself from hurting him badly.

But I know more and more that I will be OK.

Thanks to everyone.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So infuriated! Deluged with texts by the STBXWW. All of them insinuating that I need to be more communicative about the kids, how much she cares about their interests, and how "we need to make decisions about the children; not lawyers or mediators."

I TRIED mediation against all logic. You fucked it up with your demands and selfishness, to say nothing of your expressed desire to circumvent the law--all in the name of the kids, always in the name of the kids, whose lives YOU have turned upside down and brought us to this point.

Now it's time to talk to my attorney. You had your chance. No more of this crap.

(I didn't say any of the above. All I said were a few terse, generic, I love our children; you know that. I know, I should not have even responded. But I'm afraid she might be documenting and I don't want it to seem like I won't respond to suggestions that I am doing something negative.)

Methinks she's finally taken a good look at the details of my petition and is scared and defensive.

Sorry for the vent.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:52 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi A,
I just wanted to give some support. I have kept up with your threads, though don't post much. I feel I can relate to you here and I know how frustrating it is feeling like you are walking a fine line with stbx and NC. This is so hard. You want to go NC completely, yet also want to keep the peace to some degree and always ignoring them either makes you look like an ass, or protects you emotionally from crazy making. I'm still struggling as well with these boundaries of NC except for kids with my ex and being friendly for the sake of keeping the peace until this divorce is over next month. Just wanted to say, I hear ya. I feel ya....and you're doing great


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 271 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think NC makes you look like an a$$. I think NC shows that you are resolute on moving forward in the direction that you have indicated and that there's nothing to discuss regarding the matter.

Repeating yourself, over and over, regarding a subject accomplishes nothing.

I think that in your mind you might think that you should respond, but that is stinking thinking.

You have filed for divorce and you have an attorney representing yourself, which is wise considering how easily you feel manipulated, by her.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deluged with texts by the STBXWW. All of them insinuating that I need to be more communicative about the kids, how much she cares about their interests, and how "we need to make decisions about the children; not lawyers or mediators."

You KNOW by this she means that you HAVE to see that what SHE expects to happen is best, right? It's not about the children, it's about her pocket book and saving face.

Communicating about the kids now means that you tell her, at switch offs, if one has medicine in their bag, or a reminder that DD must be at school early the next day for band practice. It means telling STBXWW that Johnny has to do an english project by Wednesday, in front of Johnny at switch over, so Johnny knows he must do it. That's about it.

Shortly after S, my XH ranted at me about something...I just looked at him and reminded him that this is what divorce looks like, he didn't want to be part of our daily lives anymore, so get use to it. I walked away.

Ignore dad. This is all smoke and mirrors with her being upset that she isn't in control of the situation. It really has nothing to do with the kids. What you are doing, through your lawyer, is what is best for the kids. Keep that in your head and ignore her.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5373 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shortly after S, my XH ranted at me about something...I just looked at him and reminded him that this is what divorce looks like, he didn't want to be part of our daily lives anymore, so get use to it. I walked away.

This is similar to what happened yesterday. At the switch off, I politely offered to put her box of remaining clothes (which I had boxed unbeknownst to her) into her car.

She snarled at me, "You do NOT get to make all the decisions."

I stared at her for a second, a hundred retorts rising, but I kept silent and walked away. She drove off, sans box, furious.

On a good note, though, I am feeling so much better, thank god. Moving through anger to indifference. I never thought I would ever be able to write that.

I am back at work and doing great.

(Nothing to report about the divorce process. My lawyer and here are having their first video conference tomorrow.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She snarled at me, "You do NOT get to make all the decisions."

Mee-a-ow! Claws are coming out now.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17157 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Dad!!! I knew you could do this.

I bet you feel a million times better being back at work as well. It gives you something else to focus on, so that it isn't the focus of every thought.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7803 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You do NOT get to make all the decisions

aha!! I heard EXACTLY this. Good work AD - you are doing great here.

V


Divorced

Posts: 861 | Registered: Jan 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You do NOT get to make all the decisions."

I stared at her for a second, a hundred retorts rising, but I kept silent and walked away. She drove off, sans box, furious.

You are going to be OK AD. You are seriously getting it.

Outside kids(and I mean the day to day stuff, schedules and illnesses stuff and NOT custody) finances all her communications should be with your atty.

I TRIED mediation against all logic. You fucked it up with your demands and selfishness, to say nothing of your expressed desire to circumvent the law--all in the name of the kids, always in the name of the kids, whose lives YOU have turned upside down and brought us to this point.

Now it's time to talk to my attorney. You had your chance.

And nope, she's not going to like that either when you tell het to please forward all questions there.

Be interesting to see what her *legal* response is to your petition. I'm putting a donut on it's something *off the wall*.

Good luck today!

Sending MOJO!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be interesting to see what her *legal* response is to your petition. I'm putting a donut on it's something *off the wall*.

I am waiting with baited breath, since I told my attorney to go for everything basically. Or as she put it, "abbondad, with your permission I'd like to hit her hard."

"Off the wall" will likely be accurate.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"abbondad, with your permission I'd like to hit her hard."

Yes! Release the Kraken!

No, wait...even more powerful.

Unleash the Lawyer!


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3660 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let the games begin...

Our attorneys had their meeting. STBXWW refutes and contradicts EVERYTHING.

According to her,

I MADE HER move out.
We went to therapy solely to address my sexual issues.
I use babysitters to watch the kids (i.e., I am not a good father).
Contrary to tax records, she does not make more money than I do.

And it goes on...

Bizarre. Utter fabrications. But I can't say I am surprised.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^

And you can prove all of that to be false,right?


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7140 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And you can prove all of that to be false,right?

Of course! Absolutely! That's why it is so bizarre. She just SAYS shit, whether it is patently or proveably false or not.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1572 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol, looking forward to the donut!

Here's where ALL the documentation comes in handy. Ask for a release of the counseling records to refute what was actually discussed. All the texts and E-mails begging her to come home etc.

I'm sure your lawyer was flabbergasted!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and subpoena the OM! Doesn't mean anything from the *fault* end of things, but how much time did she spend with him instead of being with the kids?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2553 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've suggested this before, Abbondad: subpoena the OM. DO NOT TELL ANYONE you are going to do this. Let it be a big ol' surprise to both him and your WS. And, if no one but your lawyer knows, the OM won't be attempting to avoid service of the subpoena. When the subpoena was delivered to xh's ow, her response was, "Meeeeee.... why me? I didn't do anything." She was obviously nervous during her testimony and, of course, she lied. A lot. Her testimony was very telling, for lots of reasons, and VERY therapeutic for me, for LOTS and LOTS of reasons.

Be sure you have everything well documented with regard to when you have your children, when you were home with your children while she was playing house with OM. And, I believe you said you have a neighbor who has watched all this play out. Let your neighbor testify, as well, as to who is the main parent.

You know your ws lies to you. You can about bet she's also lying to her lawyer. My now-xh lied to his lawyer and to the judge. It didn't go over well in court. Documentation is on your side.


Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 433 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Massachusetts
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

be prepared for it to get worse.

she's a proven liar. Based on what you're posting, I'm afraid it will get very ugly indeed. I've seen people like her, nothing will be off limits or out of line.

Good luck. I hope you win.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 515 | Registered: Mar 2013
swizzlestick03
♀ Member
Member # 30102
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD--she is a lying liar who lies. I could not believe some of the crap my WS had the nerve to claim.

In his mind, he truly believed what he was spewing--he had to, otherwise he would have to look at who was really behaving badly--him.

Hang in there, but it will definitely get worse before it gets better.

Take care.

SW


Me: BW-32
Him: WS-31
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One small kiddo.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Nov 2010
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