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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, on Sept. 2nd you posted that during a phone conversation, your STBXW went off on you for wanting more than 50% custody, saying "Remember this conversation. Remember it. Because you will regret this." I wonder if she is so far out there in her delusional thinking that she could possibly be trying to harm you through your DS. Otherwise she is just deliberately ignoring medical advice and may end up doing so anyway. Whether her actions are showing her inability to co-parent are secondary at this point - your DS' health and well-being is paramount. PLEASE have your attorney file the emergency motion ASAP!!!


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey brother, checking in. pretty stressful weekend, I hope you are doing okay.

have you heard from the kids? how are they?

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

The usual harassment of me every weekend she has the kids. If you recall, on Friday she TOLD me that she would have the kids until Monday and again wanted me to drive across town to her place and then back across town to drop the kids at the bus stop. (After which I would have to drive back across town again to get to work.)

This was my response then:

"Re Monday: Should you be unable to take the children to school Monday AM, please let me know now and I will have them sleep at my house on Sunday night so that I may take them to school on Monday. Thank you for your understanding in this matter."

She texts me tonight:

"Are you refusing to pick up the kids tomorrow again to take them to school as I have both picked them up and dropped them off the last 4 times"

My response:

"As I have indicated in my previous text as well as in other texts, if one parent has the kids for an overnight, it is that parent's obligation to get the children to school on time the following morning. I offered to take the children today or tonight if you are unable to carry out his responsibility. The matter is closed."

Well, clearly she is furious at my response and is texting me antagonistic declarations that I am again impeding communications regarding the children.

The audacity is remarkable--this after she just went behind my back and filled a prescription without informing me (let alone consulting with me), as well as neglecting to inform me that DS's teacher had called her last week telling her that his grades are plummeting and she is concerned.

I just called the kids to say goodnight. DS just gave me a curt "goodnight" (Very unlike him) and DD did not want to speak to me at all--a first.

NPD parental alienation has officially commenced.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 8:00 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD,

I'm hoping your getting your kids right about now and your DS is free of the drug queen.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4997 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing you are impeding is giving in to her having her way.

IF you were to let her have it her way you would arrive to find them all asleep, or the kids not be ready, etc. She wants credit for the overnight without the discipline of getting the kids up and on to school, on time.

Selfish Princess, that one!

Let us know what the Dr. has to say, tomorrow. Many, here, are concerned.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What else is screaming at me is that she wants to create drama everywhere so that she (and no one else) has to look at her actions - her actions of the affair, leaving the family, etc.

You, by maintaining your composure, is really a very good thing to do in this circumstance. It shows you are level headed -- definately neeeded when raising children and dealing with out of control WS.

Good job thru all of this weekend stuff.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:25 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2033 | Registered: Jan 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a couple concerns.

Well, clearly she is furious at my response and is texting me antagonistic declarations that I am again impeding communications regarding the children.

What communication is she referring to?

neglecting to inform me that DS's teacher had called her last week telling her that his grades are plummeting and she is concerned.

Why is the teacher contacting just her? You need to get to the school and inform them that ALL communication must be to both parents. You did inform the teacher of the situation when you attended the conference, did you not? It's possible that STBXWW pulled some crap after you were there. Set up a meet with the teacher AND the principal. Discuss the *how to* with your lawyer.

Quite honestly, her last few actions smell of a set up. Oooh, look how inattentive to our childrens needs AD is! Why he wasn't even aware of DS's plummeting grades, I have to do all the pick up and drop offs. Woe is me .

The emergency hearing can't come soon enough. How quickly can it be done? She is putting the kids squarely in the middle.

I just called the kids to say goodnight. DS just gave me a curt "goodnight" (Very unlike him) and DD did not want to speak to me at all--a first.

NPD parental alienation has officially commenced.

Yep!

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What communication is she referring to?

I honestly have no idea, 545. She just SAYS stuff like this with no basis--or often, just the opposite is true. I have sent her numerous Emails informing her about the kids (school, health, finances) and never received ONE response.

I tend to not respond to her at all when she texts or calls with messages with no relevance to the kids. This makes her furious and so she spins it as impeding communications about the kids.

Example: "Don't throw away anything in the house without my permission."

Me: crickets.

Her (paraphrased): "Many things I found in the garbage relate distantly to the children. The bathtub rack that we never used could someday be used IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN."

Why is the teacher contacting just her? You need to get to the school and inform them that ALL communication must be to both parents.

I Emailed the teacher over the weekend clarifying the communication situation and told her to please call me as well as my wife or at least Email me informing me of the content of her discussion with my wife as I cannot rely upon my wife to inform me of matters pertaining to our children.

I received a very nice, understanding letter back from her.

(Left a second message for psychiatrist. Still waiting for her call.)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:24 AM, September 9th (Monday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness. I am so angry for you. She is really ramping up her level of crazy. I would definitely push for the emergency order.

She is abusing the children, by putting them in the middle of her war. Your kids don't need this. Make sure your son knows everything you are doing to help him through this.

Sending you strength, and peace.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Adad))) ((littles))

I think others have commented plenty on how to deal with WW and Dr, teacher, etc.

I do want to echo tushnurse:

Make sure your son knows everything you are doing to help him through this.

Let him know that when he told you he didn't want to take the pills you were very worried for him and you took his concerns seriously.

Tell him you contacted his doctor to talk about the pills because you didn't know he had new medicine and you wanted to find out more information.

Remind him that he can always talk to you when he is worried or unhappy and you will do everything you can to help.

And definitely talk to DD too, let her know that you hope that whatever reason she didn't want to talk to you has passed, does she want to share what it was that night that was bothering her? (I don't remember her age... so sorry if this is not age appropriate)

My guess is that whatever drama WW was stirring up with you has spilled over onto the kids and really agitated them, maybe some good vigorous physical activity after school, then some special snuggle time this evening is warranted?

(((more hugs for good measure)))


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1116 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, in my mind, here's what I see happened:

DS was acting out at Mommy's house. Since she can no longer call you to "deal with it" (because then the courts and everyone else would know she isnt capable of handling the kids), she decided that a drugged child is a docile child.

Wow.

I hope you get the emergency order. Now.
Second, with antics like this, I truly hope you're standing firm in going for majority custody AND look to making sure that YOU have the final say in medical/school issues. She is showing you that the kids' best interests are not on her radar, but her own personal comfort level is (as always) front and center.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6294 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's going through your garbage? Wow. Talk about devious....

Can you add a regular trip to the recycling depot / dump to your itinerary?

I would leave nothing out that you don't want her rifling through.

She's insane.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17294 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My attorney just fired off an email to her attorney telling her to order WW not to give DS this med or she will file an emergency motion.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because you will regret this." I wonder if she is so far out there in her delusional thinking that she could possibly be trying to harm you through your DS.

I really don't believe this, but at this point who the hell knows.

All I do know is that these temporary motions can't be place soon enough. This just. Must. Stop.

And this is only the beginning!!

(Oh and as far as I've heard WW has submitted nothing: no financial affadavit, no financial disclosures...)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is going to sound like a stupid question, but how on earth is your WW's attorney going to prevent her from giving DS the med if she wants to? After all, you already know that she simply ignores facts and rules and set arrangements. Why not just file for the emergency motion from the get-go?


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((AD))

What a terrible weekend. Her entitlement seems to know no bounds.

I certainly hope that the court can help alleviate some of this craziness.

Your poor little guy. I worry that she is venting her entitled victimhood to them- a captive audience. He probably was worried about the shit he would catch if he said too much to you.....
And that is beyond fucked up.

I know your are in a tough spot but this...

Her (paraphrased): "Many things I found in the garbage relate distantly to the children. The bathtub rack that we never used could someday be used IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN."

Made me lol.

Shampoo storage in the best interest of the kids? If that is all she can come up with, I think you are golden...


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3152 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The plot thickens: WW was supposed to take DS to his therapist today.

My bad to not insist I go as well.

Without telling me, she went by herself. My DS had to tell me this.

I can't believe I am not losing it completely.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so yet another unilateral decision on her part. she wants to start him on a new medication and then fails to take him to the person who will be able to determine the efficacy of the drug? or even that need? did you happen to ask her why she didn't take him? by text or email of course.

just wow!

I do have to admit having a bit of a chuckle over the vision of her going through your trash.

I'll have to admit to a bit of curiosity regarding what her lawyer uses to justify her actions.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she take him? Or go by herself? I'm confused.

Adad, if I were in your shoes, I think I would be at every appointment my kids had. She has proven she will go behind your back to drug your child with drugs that are not recommended for kids. You suspect parental alienation, you need to show your kids that what is currently happening to them (on her time) is important to you. Just make it clear to the kids you are there for them and keep your focus on them. Ignore her as much as possible in these situations. But stand up for the kids, help them to have a voice against the drama they are being subjected to.

I am sorry she is doing this to your son. He sounds so frightened of the new drugs, and probably feels no one is listening to him.

I feel for you, my XH told my kids so many lies about me that I had their therapists permission to set the record straight (so to speak) and to prove the truth to them. I got to a point early on that I only communicated via email. I've kept every single email in a binder. I've had to tell my kids " the way daddy said it happened isn't entirely true, here's what happened and the emails that were sent". And I was to tell the counselor and let them make peace with their truth. It sucked having to do that. My XH was forcing my kids to choose him with lies. There shouldn't have even been a competition! But my XH has this view that everything is a contest and he will do everything he can to win at all cost.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4997 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you, my XH told my kids so many lies about me that I had their therapists permission to set the record straight (so to speak) and to prove the truth to them. I got to a point early on that I only communicated via email. I've kept every single email in a binder. I've had to tell my kids " the way daddy said it happened isn't entirely true, here's what happened and the emails that were sent". And I was to tell the counselor and let them make peace with their truth. It sucked having to do that. My XH was forcing my kids to choose him with lies. There shouldn't have even been a competition! But my XH has this view that everything is a contest and he will do everything he can to win at all cost.

I've gone through something similar, AD. My STBX to this very day tries to keep my kids' minds poisoned against me. The lies or manipulation of the truth are astounding. The conclusions he tries to lead them to are heartbreaking. All I can do is keep presenting my truth and my self in front of them, backed up by counseling. As much as I desperately want to avoid putting my kids in the middle, when STBX goes ahead & does it I have no choice but to walk out to that middle and gently draw the kids back out of the arena. I do that with truth.

If you haven't already you need to read Divorce Poison and Splitting. Pronto!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9477 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
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