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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone.

She went to his psychologist himself. I had to have my son tell me.

I emailed her demanding to tell me why--and that once again she cannot simply DO this on her own without informing me at the very least.

Of course she did not Email back.

Which brings me to another point: I am sick of texting with her. I told her in the email that from now on to use email unless text is absolutely necessary. Of course she continues to bombard me with texts, ignoring what I said.

I know, I know: ignore her texts now that I've made my point once, clearly. Sigh. OK... I'm exhausted.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
Stronger4it
♀ New Member
Member # 39372
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering how grades could be plummeting during the second week of school?

Attention? Maybe. Behaviour? Maybe. C'mon. They are being tested already?

Sounds like drama.


Me BS 46
Him WS 48
Together 18 yrs
Daughter 9
DD Nov 13/12
Today ?

Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She probably went alone to manipulate the therapist and put some spin on the medication issue. Please be sure that you have your own meeting with the therapist to set the record straight!


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breaking news: my attorney just called me. STBXWW's attorney is no longer representing her.

No shock on my end. I think I posted something to this effect earlier--that she must be a terrible client. So either she fired her attorney or the attorney saw how irrational and combative she is when someone advises (translation for WW: TELLS) her to do anything that conflicts with what she wants to do.

N.P.D. Textbook.

Predictions? Is she so irrational that she is going to represent herself? Or now that she hates me so much, will she find a REALLY mean shark attorney?

Or is she so clueless that she will do nothing?

Which leads me to a question--and I don't know why I didn't ask my attorney or she didn't tell me: what happens now in terms of the deadlines? Didn't she have twenty days to respond? Doesn't she have forty-five days to submit financial affadavit and financial disclosure?

The case was filed August 1st, so the clock is ticking...

And if she misses some or all the deadlines, then what? Do I get everything I am asking for?

Sheesh.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 5:42 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, were you able to speak with the psychiatrist regarding the prescription?

Second, try hard to employ all of the no contact except for kids and finances just the necessary facts and questions - NO emotions/judgement.

It is such classic NPD to lose a lawyer but know another one will come along. You will still keep all the dates set for court but her new lawyer will ask for and get continuances (buying more time for her) . Been there done that. But it reads like a book to anyone involved esp. the judge. At the very least it's confirmation to others of what you know as reality.
Hope your kids are doing better now that they're home.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, were you able to speak with the psychiatrist regarding the prescription?

Yes I was. And she was horrible to me on the phone: just bawled me out for "getting her involved in the middle of this." Said she would not work with our son any longer if the two of us won't come together to see her. I tried to inform her of what I have learned about Celexa for children and she talked in circles about it. Would not agree to call my wife and rescind the prescription but again insisted that we communicate better. She just didn't get it and clearly cared more about herself than the serious implications of the situation. So I am done with her.

I really don't want to pursue this further with her but instead turn my attention to my wife's actions in legal avenues.

So my attorney told me to email my WW once a day for a few days asking her to agree to not administer this med to DS. If she does not respond or if she refuses, my attorney will file for me to have all say over the health decisions for our children.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:02 PM, September 9th (Monday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I am done with her.

Really? You want to set her up for a future subpoena on the witness stand with this version:

AD called and tried to "inform" me on how to treat my patient. He tried to bully me into rescinding a treatment made with medical expertise and training to a child I have been treating for xx months. Mrs. AD has told me how difficult he is to communicate with and this has certainly been my experience. When I would not bow to his demands, he completely stopped communicating with me."

FAR better to reopen lines of communication as the concerned father who OVERREACTED out of extreme stress and worry and lead with an apology ... IN PERSON... when you schedule your own visit with this doctor to get advice and feedback on her opinion on how to meet the needs of the child under her care.

This is not about winning one against your wife, but about navigating care and protection for your son.

I am unclear on how a verbal agreement with an uncooperative co-parent (or even a court order with an uncooperative co-parent) protects your son. Your WW has proven she is willing to act unilaterally on all issues. Best to recruit and keep all support people in open communication with YOU.

When dealing with a true crazy, their very best game is to turn YOU into the crazy person. Is that the script you want to read from?


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5753 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, September 9th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Follow your lawyers advice. I'd question your lawyer however on how to best proceed given that the Dr seemingly won't back you up. It's kind of a catch 22. DS now has a valid prescription for the drug. What happens if you ignore the treatment?(Rhetorical, ask the lawyer).

Predictions? Is she so irrational that she is going to represent herself? Or now that she hates me so much, will she find a REALLY mean shark attorney?

Or is she so clueless that she will do nothing?


How about a third? She is about to plug in the hoover? Seriously, don't try to predict her actions. Do what is the best for the children at all times. She's a hot steaming pile of Bantha crap right now and trying to predict her next move will drive you mad.

Get the popcorn. Continue your daily life with the kids as best possible. Keep their best interests at the forefront. Continue to document. Follow your lawyers advice. When extraordinary events happen, contact her, again, follow her advice!

And if she misses some or all the deadlines, then what? Do I get everything I am asking for?

Judgment by default is rare in these cases. A continuation is much more likely. A request for an emergency hearing at this point may work in your favor right now.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

Ok, now I see the route th WW will go and I am not surprised (I never am these days): I received a long, sometimes rambling Email insinuating and outright accusing me of essentially being a psychologically unfit parent, one who is incapable of any more than 50% custody.

Some statements are lies, some are tortuous distortions of facts, and some are utter projections of her past behaviors. Creepy stuff.

If someone did not know me, her, or the facts, he would assume after reading this that I am and have been a rage-filled abusive monster of a father.

However, all is implicitly and stubbornly refuted by one immutable fact: if I was such a person, why would she then move out leaving our children in my care?

Still, very upsetting to read.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, all is implicitly and stubbornly refuted by one immutable fact: if I was such a person, why would she then move out leaving our children in my care?

This certainly says much about her character. Judges will be looking for where the best place for the children like they should. Another interesting thing I picked up is that she didn't say you were unfit for custody greater than 50%. If I really thought my XW was psychologically unfit then I'd be asking for nearly 100% custody and for my XW to only be allowed supervised visitation.

If this goes to court, be prepared for the opposing side to try to get you to react. An outburst or two and you've shown that you just might be that raged filled person abusive monster they are claiming you to be. It is really tough to have to listen to false accusations and not react, but that is why you hired an attorney. Get the attorney a copy of the email to help them know what might be coming.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 6:14 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51851 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Afraid2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 11185
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have stayed off this thread because everyone has given you great advice and I had nothing to add.

But I can't restrain myself any longer.

I hate that F'n bitch.

Whew, I feel better now.


BW -- 57
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

Posts: 412 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Afraid you speak for many of us.

AD stay strong man. Send that insane rant she just sent you directly to your attorney. Then take a copy of it, and on all of her made up, untrue statements, provided supporting evidence of them not being true.

It sucks that she has snapped, and spiraled into the land of irrationality, but I think she is stuck here for the long haul.

I would suggest you reestablish good communication with your sons Psych, and more importantly seek a second opinion. I mean even if you were married, and the Dr had prescribed something that you felt was questionable, what would you do? I would get a second opinion. You may have to pay out of pocket for it, but if you can refute what is said, and have documented proof that it is dangerous, and not indicated then you really show that you are the great dad you are.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abb,

At this stage I would be seriously considering provide a safe harbour for the children and refusing to let her see them at all until it all calms down. I think you have more than enough evidence to justify that you are concerned for the welfare of the children at this time. If you can sort the logistics I would simply prevent her having them at all for now.

Every time they go off with her they come back traumatised and she introduces a new level of crazy.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 653 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Send that insane rant she just sent you directly to your attorney.

Get the attorney a copy of the email to help them know what might be coming.

I did forward it to my attorney. She wants me to write a line-by-line response to all her insinuations, accusations, fabrications, etc. and then send a draft to her for review before sending to my STBX.

I need some time to settle down emotionally and collect myself to do this. It is extremely distressing to read. She very nearly destroyed me and it seems like she will not be satisfied until she can complete the job--all in the name of the children.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say this with all good intentions.....PLEASE stop swirling around her.

You just told us her attorney fired her, she is writing to you without anything from an attorney, just her. She is again ramping up and it is getting bad. She is getting backed into a corner (by her own doing) and she is getting weird.

This is why you have an attorney. You pay this attorney to do your battles. I would step WAY back from this email. Don't rush to respond. Your attorney has it from you, take your time, don't fall into her trap.


Posts: 5629 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adad,

She's swirling. Let her. I wouldn't add fuel to her swirl-so NC remains in effect unless kids and finances. Keep being calm and focused on what's right for your kids.

This is giving her enough rope to hang herself. Right now it's real important for her to think she isn't ruffling your feathers. Keep calmly reminding her that you are not in agreement with HER DECISION to medicate your son. That's all you need to notify her. If your attorney says to do it everyday-do it!

Be the dad your kids have come to expect-grab the popcorn, hug your kids-put them to bed , then watch the crazy show.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Email insinuating and outright accusing me of essentially being a psychologically unfit parent, one who is incapable of any more than 50% custody

Does she have "I'm a moron" tattooed on her forehead?
I'm serious.
he would assume after reading this that I am and have been a rage-filled abusive monster of a father.

If a mother truly believed this^^ about her children's father....she would fight tooth and nail to severely limit the father's time with them. It would NOT be "AD's a mean, nasty monster....so he should only get the kids for 50% of the time."

I realize that her *I'm a nutjob* emails/texts are still getting to you right now, BUT.....you will soon see this idiotic stuff enough that it won't even phase you. You'll put it on your mental checklist of "FYI's to include in my once-a-week phone call to my L" and go about your business. As in, just a heads-ups up for you, L, this week stbx has said s/he's gonna a, b, and c. Your L will respond with a "What-Ever".....

NPD's do a LOT of stunningly stupid stuff.
And your stbxww is so *crackers* that she'll be one that, so long as you just kind of sit back and react in an unemotional fashion, will *hang* herself without you having to do or defend anything.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7884 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone.

Update: WW has retained one of the most aggressive pricks of a shark attorney around. I am not surprised.

The good news (I hope): my attorney is well acquainted with him having tussled with him before and, cool as a cucumber, said calmly, "abbondad? Don't worry. I can handle him."

I guess I had some distress in my voice.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If a mother truly believed this^^ about her children's father....she would fight tooth and nail to severely limit the father's time with them. It would NOT be "AD's a mean, nasty monster....so he should only get the kids for 50% of the time."

This is essentially what my attorney just said, as well as, "If you were/are this person, why in the world would she have left them in your care for almost a year?"


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 10th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ABB

You are always getting such great advice from people who have BTDT, so I usually just send hugs ((ABB)).

But, after getting caught up all's I can say is:

FUCK THAT BITCH!!! Holy crap is she for real???

My heart goes out to you, and your kids, for having some one like her in your life.

You are strong, and the best thing, since sliced bread, for your kids.

KEEP IT UP!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

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