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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In light of recent events (eye drops, urgent care visit,Celexa) you can see how incredible this is, and how she would respond if the situation were reversed--if I hadn't left the meds and hadn't given DS his meds??

Duly documented of course. I hate being turned into this person. Mistakes will be made by both of us. But because she is so vicious and is trying to portray ME as a negligent father, well.... It's just so incredible and disgusting.

Dad there is a difference in attacking someone and defending someone. You are not doing this to attack her credibility as a mother. You are defending yourself against her allegations. IF she was invested in her children's welfare (instead of using your kids as a pissing contest ) Half her mistakes wouldn't be happening.

All you have to do is stand your ground, be civil toward her, and take care of your kids. Doing that will giver her enough rope to hang herself.

Keep your focus on you, your kids, and your relationship with them. She doesn't matter in your life anymore.

Hugs ,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely get them refilled. That way she can keep her own supply. I think that was suggested last go round with meds.
You are not dealing with a sane person. If you had a crazy student how would you treat them dofferently ? Apply same here.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Forgetting" meds is exactly why I think it is a good idea to have your own prescription and not carry them back and forth.

Hang in there, AD. The cracks in her mask are starting to really show.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abb,

We have two crazy bitches between us.
How did we get so lucky?

I'm trying to stay calm but my anxiety levels are quite high at present


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying to stay calm but my anxiety levels are quite high at present

Same here, AAS. Following your disturbing turn of events has resulted in waves of anxiety in me and expectations that the same or similar will happen in my situation.

We will more than likely come out the other end "intact," but it is sure taking its toll.

All of this reminds us of one terrible truth: they ultimately really don't give a damn about the children. They may love them "sentimentally," but this is about control, as well as punishment of us--for all of this is our fault. Our fault they committed adultery, our fault we are divorcing them. We must pay.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:51 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just incredible:

DS comes home today and tells me Mommy has not given him ANY anti-biotic eyedrops at all since Sunday (when I began the course of treatment on which she and I agreed).

I wrote her a polite but firm Email--yet again--that it is not acceptable for one parent to make a unilateral decision regarding commencing or ceasing a course of prescribed medical treatment without conferring with the other parent.

I cc'd my attorney.

Again: just IMAGINE if the situation were reversed and I had done this???

Stunning how she is hanging herself.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 2:24 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pink eye is very contagious, we passed it around one winter for about 2 months. 3 little ones and me. What a pain. You have to , have to be extremely clean and take the drops.

And you thought you would have to work harder to get her to hang herself.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Considering SHE was the one that had a shit fit and insisted he be seen, I find it especially irritating that SHE is the one not giving the meds! She is a real piece of work.


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote her a polite but firm Email--yet again--that it is not acceptable for one parent to make a unilateral decision regarding commencing or ceasing a course of prescribed medical treatment without conferring with the other parent

AD, you're dealing with NPD. She simply cannot see you as an equal. It's all about her.

Career career career. And "fun.".

And my son just asked, "When is mommy coming?"
"Six o'clock."

He is upset once again.


He doesn't want to stay at Mommy's, he isn't able to fall asleep there, he misses me, he misses his friends...

I could hear my STBXWW laughing in the background talking to someone.

Laughing in the background.... See it really IS all about her. Even a crying child cannot penetrate the NPD cloak.

Guess what I'm saying is...Endure. Realize that the E-mails are merely to supply her with more rope. She will continue to ignore them until it's too late.(Hearing still set for Thursday?) When it all comes home to roost, that will be your fault too. *See how AD manipulated me?*.

180 as best you can, N/C within the limitations imposed by children and finances.

Your tone is much improved. Glad to see you getting stronger.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hearing still set for Thursday?

It's hard to keep up with the back-and-forths. Which I guess is typical.

First, my attorney was going to a hearing for the temporary motions.

Then she spoke with wife's attorney, and they agreed to try mediation.

I get an Email from my attorney to hers(cc'd to me):

"We spoke last week about arranging a time for mediation. I still have not heard back from you. My hearing is Thursday."

Also, my attorney has informed me that since WW has switched attorneys before her attorney could accepted service on WW's behalf, WW will be personally served.

Hopefully something will happen soon...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WW texted me a "report" from DS's session with his psychologist: "He is scared that Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore."

Any suggestions on how--if at all--I might broach this with DS?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like something you and WW need to get on the same page about. Is it possible for the two of you to meet with the counselor so you can decide how to handle it? Then maybe have another session with the counselor with all three of you there?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, you need to get your own report from the psychologist. I wouldn't believe anything that WW had to say. This is something that should be a joint session with both of you and the child's psychologist.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dad,

Why aren't you getting a report from the psychologist? I would not take her word on anything that did not have third party backup.

I hope things get squared away on (or before) Thursday.

As for your son-he could have asked why are dad and mom getting divorced- and the answer could be that mom and dad no longer love each other. He could be grieving the end of the marriage. Talk to the therapist. My kids took their cues from me. I was sad. He was carefree and happy in his new life. My kids did not feel that he cared about what he left behind and that bothered them. They never saw his grief. I feel It left a void in their recovery, they had the feeling that if he cared about his family, then he would grieve the loss of that family. He wasn't the grieving daddy, so he must not love them.

It was their reasoning, it was t accurate but I couldn't find fault with their logic.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any suggestions on how--if at all--I might broach this with DS?

"Mommy and Daddy are having grown-up issues right now. But we both still love you very much and you will be taken care of."


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8088 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's what you say:

I will always love the part of your mother that made you. I will always love the part of you that is your/came from your mother.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9829 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Abb,

I'm sorry that your anxiety levels have been raised as a result of my posting. That's the last thing I want.

[This message edited by allatsea at 2:46 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 721 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone. I will make an appt. with his psychologist so I know exactly what is going on. WW won't see me together with him. (I have seen him individually before.)

DS knows he can talk to me about anything any time. But I don't push it. For example, last night I asked him how his session with the doc was. He replied that it was good, and he made home feel better, but that he (DS) doesn't "want to take his advice."

I asked him what advice doc had offered DS, but DS said he didn't want to tell me. When he clams up like this, I don't push. He will tell me when or is he is ready. I just hate the idea of him suffering in silence.

Oh, the other day he said: "Daddy, you aren't going to get married again, are you?"

I replied, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't want you to get married again."

I assured him that this was something that is not crossing my mind at all these days and the only thing I care about is him and his sister, and that I'd always be there for them.

God, this is so hard.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm sorry that your anxiety levels have been raised as a result of my posting. That's the last thing I want.

Oh, believe me, they were already rising. Your situation just gave them that extra push :-)

Not to worry. I hope you slept last night and your emotional state is just a bit better today. Keep us apprised.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brother my kids are doing the same thing and my stbxww is also using and pretending she cares , I am here with you fighting for custody because of the emotional torture they will endure at the hands of this sociopath. I also got stuck with one of the winners just like you and allatsea We are in same boat. My kids say very similar things to me and she does not take care of them. My lawyer says to just keep a record of it. Hope that works! All the best !


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 684 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
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