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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With regard to her being concerned that spending all this money on attorneys is "not in the best interest of the children," this infuriates me. I have calculated how much her adultery has cost our family:

Forty. Thousand. Dollars. (And counting)

Her love nest for a year at 1850.00 a month.
IC for both of us
MC for us
IC for the kids
Meds for me
Meds for the kids
Accumulated sick leave for me, as I could not work due to emotional duress
And on and on...

I want to to snarl this at her, but I guess you would advise me not to?


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1466 | Registered: Dec 2012
rivenheart
♀ Member
Member # 13838
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to to snarl this at her, but I guess you would advise me not to?

I won't do you or the situation any good. Just document, document, document. That's to your benefit.

And yeah, forcing her to communicate in writing is to your benefit too. Verbal stuff can't be documented, and she'll only lie about it later.


rivenheart ~ heartriven
Me: BW, 36 at d-day; WH, 40

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Mar 2007
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC, dude.

You've said repeatedly you didn't want her to know that you have a lawyer, and are filing, until you knew she had the job.

Sigh. Instead, you are STILL talking to her, AND you told her you have a lawyer!

Why can't you stop talking to her? You are sabotaging your own efforts here,

If you had to talk about keeping the kids while she's gone, fine. And then you should have said you can't talk anymore and hung up.

Instead you are STILL CONVERSING with her! And then you ask if it would be a good idea to "snarl" at her?

I can't believe you so easily gave her the info that you have a lawyer. Even your lawyer told you not to talk to her!!!! If you don't listen to your lawyer,, then why bother? And why ask us what to do....admit you already know what to do....and then do the exact opposite?

Again, you are sabotaging yourself and your situation. But you know that. I think the urge to talk to her and to "stick it to her" somehow, is overwhelming your sense of reason.

The crazy stops when you let it. Instead, you are willingly fanning the flames.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1113 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You've said repeatedly you didn't want her to know that you have a lawyer, and are filing, until you knew she had the job.

Sigh. Instead, you are STILL talking to her, AND you told her you have a lawyer!

Why can't you stop talking to her? You are sabotaging your own efforts here,

If you had to talk about keeping the kids while she's gone, fine. And then you should have said you can't talk anymore and hung up.

Instead you are STILL CONVERSING with her! And then you ask if it would be a good idea to "snarl" at her?

I can't believe you so easily gave her the info that you have a lawyer. Even your lawyer told you not to talk to her!!!! If you don't listen to your lawyer,, then why bother? And why ask us what to do....admit you already know what to do....and then do the exact opposite?

Again, you are sabotaging yourself and your situation. But you know that. I think the urge to talk to her and to "stick it to her" somehow, is overwhelming your sense of reason.

The crazy stops when you let it. Instead, you are willingly fanning the flames.

Shit. I'm sorry.

I don't think I've fucked myself over significantly; I can't see how it will make a difference. She would have lawyered up any way after my attorney calls her this week.

Still... Shit. I'm sorry. I'm still working on deconditioning my emotional responses after ten years of brainwashing.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 10:59 AM, July 28th (Sunday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1466 | Registered: Dec 2012
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still... Shit. I'm sorry.

You can apologize all you want; no one on SI needs or deserves an apology from you. Further, if you've learned anything, it should be that apologies are meaningless unless backed by action.

You're not backing yours with action.

The necessary action?

NC NC NC NC NC

As you SHOULD have been since the moment your lying, cheating, OM-cohabiting stbx walked out the door.

For months, you should have been sticking to email only for kids and finances ONLY. Now, everything beyond, "I'll pick the kids up on Sunday at 5" can go through your lawyer. And that, only until there are orders in place---at which point even this level of communication will be unnecessary. (Then, a simple, "on my way" text is about all you'll ever need to send. NO MATTER WHAT THE CAKE-EATING LIAR WANTS TO "TALK ABOUT" WITH YOU.)

It's NOT a difficult concept. It IS hard to put into practice, but you're making it a million times harder, with your magical thinking that, somehow, you can nice her back to a marriage that, really, was very likely NEVER what you believed it to be.

She didn't suddenly *change* AD. This is WHO SHE IS.

You MUST start acting like this is the truth, even if your heart is not yet there.

Because your heart is getting you into trouble.

(It's also getting you an inordinate amount of SI attention. Are you attaining a secondary gain, from your SI posts fraught with mea culpas, cataloged in numbered thread after numbered thread, that feeds into the self-sabotaging behavior? Are the hundreds and hundreds of responses you get hindering your progress? I think this might well be going on, and for this reason, am going to do what I do with people whose word and actions don't match. There are a whole lot of people in JFO and General who've gotten a fraction of the advice you've gotten; maybe they should be given more attention. That's not to say you don't deserve support. It's to point out that you've gotten more than anyone currently posting---and yet refuse to follow the most fundamental advice.)

Why is that? What are you deriving from this? (Yes, you can write me off as a bitch; I think you'd be far better served by really exploring the answer to this.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 2:55 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]


BS-me, 52
WH(Mr. Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS17
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 7967 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I whole-heartedly agree with solus...I, too have wondered if all this back and forth on SI is feeding something in you. So many pages with advice that you ignore. And she's right that you don't owe anyone here an apology. It's your own life you should be taking care of.

I agree that you need support. But I think my time is spent elsewhere on people who don't seem to crave attention here, instead of with someone doing a lot of talk, and fighting every action.

If this makes me a bitch too, so be it. It's not at all that I don't absolutely wish you the very best in this ordeal, AD. But you're screaming at us to help you stop the train, but you're the only one in control of it. No matter how many times we advise you to step on the brakes, you're the on that has to do it.

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 2:14 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1113 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD -- Hi!!! I know how hard it is to not blab to WS about stuff. I do it all the time.

For me, it's because they did so much stuff behind my back, and I am impatient, I want to smack them in the face with lawyer, etc.

I emailed him the other day to spout off to him rather than coming to SI. You and I and others will get it together as we continue to work on ourselves.

Also, the comments about you being on SI and getting attention, I believe that this group IS helping you, as I have seen you post on Just Found Out trying to help others. I have a friend I call several times a day to help me thru this, you could, too, but I think SI IS the best place to ask for help, encouragement, and you'll get different perspectives.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Jan 2012
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi dad. I have seen you give some other people great advice as well. I remember when I first joined, I didn't feel that comfortable helping others as I had so many issues of my own and thought I was doing things wrong, so I more just posted questions or concerns of my own or shared if I had had a similar experience ..

Honestly, now my advice is usually a combination of sharing my experiences and/or repeating the great advice I've seen people give to others.

I think the give and take of SI is what makes it so special. I think you are slowly but surely gaining your strength and learning the "whys" of the advice we give you, and I think one day you will have tons of great experiences to share with others about what you have gone through. Maybe even now you could be telling people what has and has not worked for you..

It does seem you do the opposite of what a lot of people tell you to do, but I know people like Gonnabe have admitted to doing the same at first.. It is very VERY hard to give up the hope that things that could be different and that the WS would be remorseful, etc..

Given what you have shared about your STBXWW, we can all see that she is completely unremorseful, manipulating, and only thinking about herself, so we are trying our best to get you to protect yourself. And by initiating NC, filing for divorce, demanding emails/texts, you are starting to do that, so I'm at a point of wanting to applaud you, not put you down for struggling so much..

I know this ride is one hellish roller coaster that goes up and down a lot, but your moods do seem to fluctuate rather rapidly. Perhaps some antidepressants or anxiolytics could help with the mood swings. The goal is to try to smooth out the ride, and to not let her have so much control over how you feel. Try to focus your attention away from her and focus on yourself..

Perhaps you are feeling isolated since your leave of absence from work. Besides what sounded like a slightly inappropriate date with a lady friend, you haven't posted much about getting out of the house or talking with family or friends. Perhaps this is why you share so much here (which I think is actually a great thing to do when you are needing support), but maybe you need some more IRL people and experiences and interactions. Maybe you could get back to work to focus your energy on doing something productive, anything to get your mind off this huge mess. You have a lawyer now to take a huge amount of weight off your shoulders, so try to use this time to build up your relationships with people and your self-esteem. I find it very difficult to work sometimes due to all the stress, but it is a relief to be forced to focus my mind on other things.. Maybe it's time to think about getting back to work. I'm just kind of imagining you stuck in your home, which is filled with so many triggers and memories, and maybe this is delaying your healing. Maybe you could try painting some walls or rearranging some furniture or getting rid of any obvious triggers. I still think moving and selling the house would be a good option for you, but maybe try replacing some things for now that make you sad, selling the old and getting on with some new stuff..

I'm not positive it was you, but I seem to remember you saying that a lot of her stuff was still in your bedroom. Please, if that was you and the stuff is still there, box all that crap up and put it in the garage or just send it to her place..

Leaving stuff like that around is just torturing yourself. Perhaps she is making you feel so low that you feel like you deserve to be tortured. Maybe your depression is causing you to torture yourself. I'm really not sure, but I hope you start finding some strength soon to stop letting her dictate how you feel about yourself..

Hugs..


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1370 | Registered: Feb 2013
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, when I blab something to XH or email him it says to him "she is in panic mode".

We want to stay far away from panic mode. we want a calm resolve.

I try to think of Sandra Bullock when I look for a role model. Look at how she handled herself with Jesse James screwing all those girls and the whole WORLD knew about it! If I remember correctly, at least publically, she would not talk to him, didn't freak, etc. She was one cool chick!

I try to follow her lead.To me it said, I am in control, I am worth more than this idiot. I am strong, he isn't going to get even a conversation from me. He is wrong. Period.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:42 PM, July 28th (Sunday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Jan 2012
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD,
You've posted on my threads and I found your advice very helpful.
I also have a lot of issues with NC because I just want to be HEARD. When I scream, yell or cry I just want WS to have that information of the hell he is putting me through and for him to somehow digest it, even if I know he can't.
It also reminds me of something I once heard-that feelings are contagious and once you let yours out, someone else will catch them and you will find relief.
Are you journaling? Maybe you could start a notebook with all the things you WANT to say to her, but WON'T.
Start every sentence with her name and just pour it out as if she's there and you're talking to her one on one.
I know I have done this before and it helped immensely.
Either way-I understand how difficult it is to keep my mouth shut. I have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better.
Please, prioritize your own feelings and process them without involving her. In the end you will want to look back and know that you took the high road.
(((hugs)))


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, at this point in the game, the roller coaster ride is more like bumper cars....


*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

You'll figure it out eventually, but your neck will hurt a little.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
Celebrating 60 years on Earth

Posts: 16634 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree with myperfectlife. I am much better with NC these days than I used to be, but when I wasn't, it was very much about being heard. IC helped that, and so did journalling. It can be very emotional to pour stuff out like that, but it did clear my head. I would also end with things that I was grateful for, or good things that had happened that day (even small things) so I didn't feel like I was dwelling on it. If you keep breaking NC, you must, on some level, be getting something from it. Melody Beattie would say to give yourself grace for the mistakes, but make sure you're doing a little digging to find out what the motivation is in your case.

I also agree with ButterflyGirl. It is fine to come here for support. Frankly, if people feel you're not listening, they are free to stop writing. However, it may be helpful for you to examine your connections in your real life too. Join a couple of things you're interested in, perhaps, or prepare for the end of your sabbatical. The point is to find things that interest you, and to make new connections outside your stbx and your circle of marital friends.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 707 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FaithFool!!!

Only, I guess whiplash can be a pretty serious injury.

Abbondad, you need to start having a man-to-man talk with yourself. Really. You lawyered up (great!), then blabbed about it (terrible!).

Stop shooting yourself in the foot! Shut the f*ck up with your STBXW already. Loose lips sink ships. STOP TALKING TO HER. Stop answering her questions. The answer is "Blank stare and turn away."


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1006 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, you're doing fine. Part of the difference between your threads, which are pages long, and other peoples threads, is that you keep all of your stuff in one thread, instead of starting different ones. And you have lots of replies because people can relate, are interested and want to see the best outcome for you.
No one is forced to post here and you are not required by law to follow a specific path.
I also struggle with NC. It seems much easier when you're talking about it, then it does in the moment. It was a simple question..."do you have a lawyer" and I'm sure you don't want to lie. I do the same thing with texts. We'll be texting about the kids in a general term and then something non kid might get texted and I'll reply with a "thanks" or "okay" or whatever. Should I have just ignored it? Probably. But I guess it's just no in my nature to do that. It's hard to see the line sometimes.
Keep it up, AD. Clearly you have made lots of progress since you first started posting. You obviously are getting something from these SI posts and I am glad to see it all in one place. I know through reading your threads I have applied things I've read to my situation and made changes. Thanks for keeping us up to date on what's going on. It may take you a little longer to get there then some of the other people, but I do believe you have a very happy future ahead of you.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2011
phillygirl
♀ Member
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Geez Louise...give AD a little slack.

He only just started riding the roller coaster in December! I think he is doing very well - there are many folks here and other places that have spent years riding the rollercoaster before moving forward with divorce. I think AD is a damn quick learner.

AD, you seem like a kind soul, you want really really really badly to be nice and reasonable. You cannot. You WW is not your friend. She is not the woman you thought you married. She is a manipulative pod person shaped like the woman thought you knew. Treat her as such.

Resist the urge to be yourself with her and be nice by responding to her questions and contact attempts. If you feel the urge to communicate with her, come here first. Let that first impulse pass.

Keep it up - practice makes perfect!


Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 818 | Registered: Dec 2005
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did the kid exchange go, Ab? How long are they with you now? When will she be back?

I'm glad you held out until she sent a message that you can keep. I have the feeling your OCD is going to be in its happy place for a while as you document the shenanigans.

So Wednesday. Today, I want you to make a plan for yourself about that day and Thursday. Be out of town or unavailable to her. If you have the kids, make sure you have a backup person available in case Miss Narcybritches gets an itching to come by for a dramatic visit. The kids need to be well away from whatever insanity she may pull. Don't be apologetic to this person -- just say you're expecting a lot of drama, you can explain later, but that you need to be able to count on them to see to the safety of the children.

After that, make a plan for yourself. Burn through a home improvement project or go somewhere or call someone. Maybe a visit with your therapist.

And then? Treat yourself. You've earned at least five medals so far for dealing with a personality-disordered person. You'll earn more for splitting with one, so there's that to look forward to.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually telling her you have legal counsel may not have been a bad idea, IMO...she is aware; therefore, you can go completely NC and have all communications go through legal counsel. But you have to stick to it - we're pulling for you!!!


Me - 48; FWH - 50
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
4yo GS & 14 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4812 | Registered: May 2007
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miss Narcybritches

How you doing today AD?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
Celebrating 60 years on Earth

Posts: 16634 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the roller coaster ride is more like bumper cars....

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

*nc*nc*nc*nc* CONTACT ****BAM****

You'll figure it out eventually, but your neck will hurt a little.

Pure Truth!

Your doing great AD. I think I posted this before but I ran form SI soon after DDay because I couldn't do what people were telling me to do. At least you have the courage to stick around 2X4's and all. The bumper car analogy was me for over a year before I got it. It was more like I ran that little car head first into a brick wall over and over until at some point I stopped. When you break NC just start up again. Just keep at it. Better times are coming.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey bro, just checking in. I had to LOL at FaithFool's post. It's just so damned accurate. It's an awful bumpy ride.

To respond to some of the earlier comments, you're doing just fine. You will heal/learn at your own pace. You will follow the advice or not. We are not you. We are just trying to help you avoid the pitfalls a lot of us were too blind to see. Keep posting. Some of us can multitask and respond to more than 1 forum in a day.

Anyway, that being said, the advice about not letting her know about the lawyer was to hopefully get filed before she did. It's just a legal tactic. First to file normally has the advantage. As a father attempting to get custody, you need every advantage you can get. Courts are still biased to the mother, unfortunately.

The 40k you were referring to might be partially recoverable. Monies spent on the affair sometimes are. I don't want to scare you, but just the trial/evidentiary gathering cost of my D was 50k. However, she didn't like the fact that I was awarded primary custody and fought it all the way to the state supreme court.

I like the suggestion to be busy/gone when she is apprized of the filing. The next few days also. Keep her informed as to where and who the children are with, but by text only. EVERYTHING from this point forward needs to be documented. I don't know if a VAR would be admissible in court. Check with your lawyer. If text is not satisfactory to her, tell her to have her atty contact yours with whatever she needs. In all likelihood, it will just be ego-kibbles for her and soul crushing for you. I know that it still hurts. That's OK, it will get better. Promise.

Anyway, please keep posting. You're doing fine! There is absolutely NO problem with asking for support, it's what we're here for.

Strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

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