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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 12
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wifeno2-I agree with Charlie, be very prepared at all times.
Once the NPD decides you no longer fill their needs, you're out and it happens very quickly.

He has asked at least four women to marry him since he's been with me
Him throwing you completely out of his life is going to happen sooner than later. He's actively looking for your replacement.

Knowing what I know now about NPDs, there is no "right" time to rid them from your life. Your NPDPOS hasn't and has no intention to do what you ask to save the marriage.He doesn't recognize your boundaries.

If you are working, fantastic, if not get a job asap. Put money away, perferably not in your name or have it in cash.
Have an exit plan . Plan B and C also.

Believe me he wants a D but first has to get a replacement confirmed and ducks lined up.
When he does he won't give a damn about yours or DS' future.
Hugs and protect yourself and DS.
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 11:37 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ever hear the one about the 2 eggs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Two bad.

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Instead of looking at butterflies for distraction, I visioned FT as a walking diseased, green, thorny penis. Very cartoonish. Many times it was all I could do not to start laughing at him in his presence.

[This message edited by gma56 at 11:52 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


@jj... What do you call a deer with no eyes?


I have no eye deer...

How about a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still have no eye deer...

Lol

@gma~ !! I would probably call him penis on accident, lol! What an insult to penises. Funny thing is, he looks really bad. Like reeeeally bad. Grayish mottled skin, droopy eyelids, very sickly. It is a noticeable and distinct deterioration. Another thing that surprised me was how that affected me. I just find it... meh. No pity, no compassion. More of a "sucks to suck" attitude. He chose this. He can wallow in it.

On a more serious note, one thing I wish I would've been able to do is have some forewarning of how to handle exiting the relationship and having more than one means to leave. wifeno2, You can never be too prepared, especially when you are dealing with self delusion and the "perfect relationship" ideal.



Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suffer from ADOLAS- attention deficit oh look a squirrel!

It has saved me from giving him supply on many occasions. Although he is still strutting around like a peacock some days.

Please make sure you have more than one plan for leaving. Once the narc is injured the ride can get very scary. Mine never raised his hand to me. But he injured me just as badly, using everyone around me to deliver his blows.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
wifeno2
♀ Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I confronted him about the statement. I also brought up the fact that he had never met my requirements for R (again). Again he said he would. I do not expect him too but I was very clear about consequences and that I am not 100% committed to the M. That I am not sure it is working for ME. He handled it better than I would have expected. But I have to say I feel SO much better having spoken up. I also stayed centered and calm and was able to redirect him when he started to get defensive. I feel like a weight was lifted off after the talk.

I think I have stopped worrying about him leaving me or having another A. He is "at high risk" for both. I feel fairly well prepared for both. It won't be fun but if there is a transgression I will not waste that opportunity. He really doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He likes to look like the victim. It would be fun to watch him try to play victim if he is caught cheating again...

I am in a good place to take care of myself. I make 2-3 times the money he does and was a single parent until I met him so I am very independent. I never planned to be a single parent again but I have no doubts I can handle it. (He hates that).

Thanks for the support.


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He really doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He likes to look like the victim. It would be fun to watch him try to play victim if he is caught cheating again...

You would be amazed at the tales they can spin when in a pinch. Mine was caught cheating AND had a baby w/OW. It was still my fault and he was the poor pathetic victim. He "had to cheat" because I was so horrible. The poor thing.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes... how the affairs are OUR fault: I did not meet his needs.

Let's see.

I was recovering from nearly dying after my hysterectomy.
I was the recovering from gallbladder surgery gone wrong.
Before that, I had severe clinical depression.
I also have/had a serious anxiety disorder.
The list can go on for a while, so let's skip to the other list.

While all that was going on,
I rolled his socks down to his peculiar specifications.
I then rubbed lotion on his poor, dry, achy feet and massaged them. Every day.
I cooked his meals to his specifications, and according to what he wanted that day.
I served him in his recliner so he didn't have to get up.
Each time I forgot to add salt to his food after cooking with salt, I went to get it.
I did his laundry and folded it to his again peculiar specifications.
I scrubbed his back in the shower every time.
I never said no to sex until in the last few years when my illnesses made it difficult.
Again, the list could go on forever.

Did he return a single one of these favors? Uh, no.

But I didn't meet his needs, and the affair(s) were MY fault. No matter how you slice it, WE are the ones with the problems, in their eyes, and will never be good enough.

Always choose to leave. Make plans, set things up ahead of time, and only take as long as necessary. There was a period when I toyed with the idea of staying, but once my eyes were truly opened to his depravity, I could not stomach the thought, and my planning went into overdrive.

And yes... be very careful. That there has been no violence to this point means nothing. It takes but one little injury to them, and they develop a sudden ability to be very violent. Please take that seriously. Very seriously.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 2:05 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was a period when I toyed with the idea of staying, but once my eyes were truly opened to his depravity, I could not stomach the thought, and my planning went into overdrive.

It takes but one little injury to them, and they develop a sudden ability to be very violent.

I think it was StrongButBroken in another thread that said, "When I finally saw him, I couldn't unsee him." I will never forget the dark vacant eyes that made him look possessed. I wish I hadn't ever seen that.


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My x's eyes looked empty. His wife is possessed.

The last time I looked at his eyes ( jan 2013). They were pleading. I was holding the granddaughter he is not allowed to see.

His situation is not under my control. It is my concern -When it negatively affects my kids.

In the beginning I remember him blaming me for his affair and I argued with him trying to convince him otherwise. Stupid me


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

To get a long little doggie.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right...I didn't meet his needs either...
I make the money, pay the bills, clean the house, take care of the kids, do the laundry, put out his ironed clothes every morning, make all the meals....he just has to roll out of bed, get dressed...and go to the office where OW is....often just the two of them....working..or whatever they are doing.......and my mother in law says " we'll you must not be meeting his needs"....

I guess I need to be superwoman..and then some??


Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the eyes have it, all right. I can't unsee him or his vacant eyes, either. I don't know how I was so taken in by those eyes in the beginning when they were so empty. I'm an "eye person," so it really kind of bothers me that I missed that.

jj, keep those jokes comin' cuz they're funny! "Get a long little doggie."


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the eyes have it, all right. I can't unsee him or his vacant eyes, either. I don't know how I was so taken in by those eyes in the beginning when they were so empty. I'm an "eye person," so it really kind of bothers me that I missed that.

Me too.

I used to think that he looked at me with such love in his eyes.

But then one time during one of his criminal trials (can't remember which one ) One of his OW's was his "witness" (liar). When she walked into the courtroom to give her testimony, he turned and gave her that same googly eyed look of "love" he always gave me.

I remember being shocked. Because this time, I saw the look for what it was. A FAKE, rehearsed, copied, frightening MASK. The eyes were DEAD. His face just had this plastered look that was obviously well rehearsed. There was no real emotion.

I just about lost my lunch right there on the spot. I couldn't believe I had fell for that for so long.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the eyes have it, all right. I can't unsee him or his vacant eyes, either. I don't know how I was so taken in by those eyes in the beginning when they were so empty. I'm an "eye person," so it really kind of bothers me that I missed that.

Reading this made me feel physically sick. It's another thing they all seem to have in common and it was his eyes that I also loved too until one time not too long ago, he sent me a picture of himself, and it was like a lightening bolt. There was nothing behind those eyes. It struck me as soon as I opened the picture. Cold, dark even though they're blue and just downright creepy!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG the eyes!! Seriously! I remember once I looked at him, and I had to take a step back because they were empty, there was NO SOUL behind those eyes!

I am so glad I'm not the only one who noticed the eyes.



D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 2803 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And too add, it seems like he decided almost two weeks bar a day was long enough to leave me alone.

I awoke this morning to a picture of a baby pig. No words, obviously I'm not worthy of actually thinking of something to say. I actually joked about this with my friend last week, saying that I didn't think he would contact me again after me requesting NC but if he did it would probably be a picture of a pig! And I was right, it was!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG the eyes!! Seriously! I remember once I looked at him, and I had to take a step back because they were empty, there was NO SOUL behind those eyes!

I am so glad I'm not the only one who noticed the eyes.

I actually have palpitations at the moment thinking about them.

ETA: I would LOVE to post that picture. Not sure if that would be allowed?

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 12:32 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shower up in the morning, so when I show up for work and I know they're seeing my redeye, I tell them-
You should see em from this side.

Everybody's laughin at the old, corny jokes, I said tell yourself some bad jokes.

Tribe delivered - but dammit, we're still laughin. The fuck people! We're trying to wipe grins off faces here! get with the program!
The goal is not to laugh (in their faces).
And get away.

Pig pics are allowed, last I heard, but I think it best not to memorialize some assclown's contribution to your destruction. You can describe it....good predickion btw...
When they say you're a pig, they are.
When they say you are EX WHY or ZEE?

They are.

How could it be anyway else? Since they look in a mirror to find themselves.

Could such a thought appeal to someone? Help someone? IDK, just realize,
reflections and shadows are 2-dimensional (they have length and width).

I prefer being 3 dimensional, though, I dip down at times.

Ona side note, I stumbled into a thread that spoke to me in some way, the guilt of why I bought into it, and stayed:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=503678&HL=39893

There's beauty
and depth
all around us.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct,

Your posts are enlightening, often funny but also cryptic!

What do you mean by this?


Pig pics are allowed, last I heard, but I think it best not to memorialize some assclown's contribution to your destruction. You can describe it....good predickion btw...

Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
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