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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 12
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((cg)))
(((TRIBE))))

Posts: 5991 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I promise this just happened after I posted this.
A man.
Who lost use of both his legs just called me. He loved me, and i actually thought, how could I be like him?
A beautiful man. A driving surviving soul, How could I ever do that, how could I survive?
In the face of what he faced he taught me.
I could.

Posts: 5991 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, January 21st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jj)))

((((Can))))). I am so proud of you for not taking the bait on his hook. I know it wasn't easy, but you did it. The stole the wood his wife and son would need to keep warm, then asks when the snow apacolipse is underway--if you're WARM?

I'll be honest-I'd have a hard time NOT giving him a piece of my mind! Ya done good! Hint: you can always respond to him on SI -just never send it to him!

Reward yourself with some mindless fun tomorrow. Get yourself a few giggles-it helps with the healing.

(((((Tribe)))))

[This message edited by Kajem at 10:26 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TRIBE)))

Thank you. I made it through a night.

I posted here and in general for hours. It was the only thing that kept me from contacting.

This is exactly how he reeled me back in the last time. As soon as he lost his new supply, he started this.

That is one thing that always disturbed me when he came back home. He could never give me any good answers as to "why are you back?". I must have asked that a thousand times and nothing he said ever felt right? real? comforting?

Now I understand. At 4:30 in the morning after a night from hell I understand. If I get hooked again I will live this hell again.

I wish none of us understood this "unique" ugliness.

Thank you, all of you for giving me the understanding that I need so desperately.

Can


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A beautiful man. A driving surviving soul, How could I ever do that, how could I survive?
In the face of what he faced he taught me.

And you my friend have taught us.

If you think about the quote metaphysically, we all lost our foundation when we discovered what we believed we had was not real. In the very beginning we couldn't stand on our own-much like someone who has lost the use of their legs. We need help to stand (build a new foundation) then support to walk, and eventually run.

My mind is ruminating this morning.....can you tell?

Cant-sweetie you just proved you CAN! Once you become aware of the dance of dysfunction steps you can change them so that you're dancing without his dysfunction guiding you. I'm looking forward to you leading your own dance of freedom and love.

Hugs


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most bizarre part for me, right now, is that even though I think I "see" there is still more to be seen.

I think I "know" what the dysfunction is, what the effects have been on me and then I discover something new.

I think that I have to accept that this is going to take a while. I am angry. I want my life right now. I want this pain gone now. I want to be whole and healthy right now.

I have worked so hard this last year and now I see there is still so much more to learn, to undo, to rethink, to unbelieve.

It will be okay. I can just keep moving forward, one thing at a time as it is revealed. I don't really ever want to stop moving forward. I want to continually work to become a better person. Aware and kind, to others and to myself.

A continual work in progress, forever.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I am obsessing. At work my calendar, my appointments, I remember going to an appointment and then stopping by his job at ow#2 house. Of course I did not know then but now I do. It was going on then, I feel like a fool.

I just searched his profile on here. boots5050, that is him, the timing of the only kindness he ever gave to me. It was a total and complete lie, not just a lie but a cruel, twisted manipulation of me.

I just keep getting hit with all these realizations. I think I wasn't ready to see how bad it really was. It hurts but I am getting angry.

I think anger might be good for a bit, at least at him. I just have to make sure it doesn't spill over. I don't want to take it out on anyone else.

Right now I would love to take it out on him! I want to tell him, I know how sick and twisted you are! I know all the lies you told! You are manipulative and twisted! You are the empty vessel!

Just venting because I will not contact!


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A continual work in progress, forever.

God, I hope so. The narc has arrested development, hence the acting like a 3 year old when he doesn't get his way. Mantrum anyone?

I'd rather keep learning and moving farther and farther in my healing journey.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can,

The anger is healthy. You were wronged by him. Get as angry as you need to.... I spent a lot of time and money being angry. I invested in a heavy bag, took nerf bats to tree trunks, weeded my lawn to pristine condition chopped wood for about 3years in a month. Yeah get good and constructively mad. Find a way to use it to your advantage, cleaning him out of the house and into the garage/storage unit. Moving furniture around to make your space a reflection of you. It was scary at first -channeling it was empowering.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just searched his profile on here. boots5050, that is him, the timing of the only kindness he ever gave to me. It was a total and complete lie, not just a lie but a cruel, twisted manipulation of me.

(((((CAN))))) My STBX posted a fake profile here a few days before D-Day. He claimed to be a recovered cheater/SA, and he posted that he couldn't believe that his wife didn't believe anything he said. He was affronted.

To the credit of the others on the Wayward thread, they pointed out that he didn't sound very contrite.

THIS is the type of madness that NPDs create, especially in the end.

Those were most worst days. I came here to SI, and several people kept me going. I've noticed that one of them is posting here for YOU, now. Stay strong, keep posting. I believe you're in the darkest hours. Keep moving forward, don't stop. It will get better.

ps: I wish I could track down my STBX's fake post. It would be great fodder for the child custody evaluator.


Posts: 1422 | Registered: Oct 2011
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kajem I love these words bc I use them all the time and are so true.

The narc has arrested development, hence the acting like a 3 year old when he doesn't get his way. Mantrum anyone?


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 227 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct,

Your words, your poetry, it pierces the heart but still soothes at the same time.

You have a gift. I speak through my paintings, I think in pictures, your words make me see pictures.

I too am grateful for the wet cheeks. They are real.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!!!! 0_0
My STBX posted a fake profile here a few days before D-Day. He claimed to be a recovered cheater/SA, and he posted that he couldn't believe that his wife didn't believe anything he said. He was affronted.

Mine did the same thing!!! Created a fake profile on here... Posted (mainly on wayward site) with a bs story filled with tons of lies!

That is so crazy the other NPDs have done that same thing on SI. It must be one of their methods to troll for supply
Wow. Just wow

Thanks tribe! Once again I know I am not alone when experiencing NPD drama on his crazy train!


Posts: 405 | Registered: Jun 2012
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is crazy. He had a real user name and shared his posts with me. He even pm'd with another wayward.


Every single one was a complete lie. I looked at the timing of the posts and the timing of the texting with ow#2, he would text with her, sexual as he so kindly informed in his "confession", then post on here. INSANE!!!

He would leave IC with me, every Monday at 8am and the call or text with her immediately.

It boggles my mind. Why? Why put yourself through that???

I gave him so many opportunities to end it with me. Honorably, honestly, but for him no. I guess he had to be sure of the new supply first.

I could not give the supply, I needed him to be real, honest, share his emotions. I was just one tough bitch!

I am proud that I was. I can live with myself. I did not sell myself cheap.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can.

Being true to yourself is what you were. Keep being the person NOT willing to sacrifice themselves for him-he isn't capable of reciprocating the gesture.

His idea of a relationship is a business arrangement. You do this for me and I'll think about doing that for you!

Love should not be a business arrangement!

Hugs,


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Kajem,

I gave my heart and soul and wanted to share it with him, I wanted him to share his with me.

He cannot because it is too ugly. He knows this too.

I will never sell myself cheap, I will always be true to myself.

No contact, another day. I just keep wanting to let him know that I now know. I also know he is not capable of even understanding what that means. It would be for nothing. It would only expose me more.

The realizations just keep pouring in, the I believed this but oh my God that is what he was really doing!

The depth of the evil still floors me. The chosen cruelty.

I will never understand and I don't want to. I never want to be so evil as to understand how you could treat someone like that.

I miss my IC, he helped me get through the day to day.

Last night felt like a purge, a purge of the evil.

I have been holding back, my son is here. I do not want him to see the pain, the crazy. I am trying to be his rock. Being alone was actually a blessing, letting the crazy out.

If all of you did not understand, were not here I think I would think it was me. You understand and that is a comfort but at the same time breaks my heart.

Do we ever become whole? Once you have seen true evil can you ever not keep looking for it? Do you see it even when it is not there?

I hope. I want to. I am afraid. I never want to be here again.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1084 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD-x scammed me on another site pre-divorce just after d-day. I was so hurt and raw. He posed as a helpful person, but gave himself away because he knew too much. It was just sick and warped. The things he told me as the imposter where all intended to support his sick way of thinking, and to shame and humiliate me. I had forgotten all about that.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2339 | Registered: Jan 2010
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine did the same thing!!! Created a fake profile on here... Posted (mainly on wayward site) with a bs story filled with tons of lies!
That is so crazy the other NPDs have done that same thing on SI. It must be one of their methods to troll for supply
Wow. Just wow

They are bat shit crazy. I think mine did it to trick me into believing he was done with the affairs. But of course, I was just days away from finding out about his double life. But maybe you're right, it was also for supply? Or to prove how smart he was and how he could fool everyone???

He also sent me fake emails around this time - apparently there is a website (or app or software) that allows you to send emails that appear to be coming from other people. So he would forward me these fake emails from "clients" talking about fake late-night meetings.

I'm just sharing this story because it shows how cunning and calculated he was. I can't even begin to imagine how much time and energy went into tricking me. (And making me feel crazy.)

Unfortunately, all this time and energy is now focused on the divorce, child custody battle, and accusing me of all sorts of things.


Posts: 1422 | Registered: Oct 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most bizarre part for me, right now, is that even though I think I "see" there is still more to be seen.

This is part of the awakening for us.

One thing you must realize and accept; No matter how evil he is, no matter how much pain he has caused, not matter how badly your heart breaks, he will NEVER, ever, ever understand this pain he has inflicted on you.

This is another characteristic of the disorder. No empathy.

We, on the other hand, HAVE empathy and we assume (like most normal people) others do too. We want them to understand how we feel. Especially if another person has hurt us. We want them to understand that. But with an NPD, you may as well be talking to your nearest sewer rat.

NPD's don't process information the way normal people do. For example, if someone explained to me how I had hurt them, I would feel horrible! And I would take that information and remember to be be more sensitive to whatever it was in the future. Not the same with an NPD. They take this information, file it away to use it AGAINST you!

Can,
I went back and read the post written by your STBXNPDH. And he is very much like most NPD's. He's very self-focused. In my opinion, he was only posting what he thought you or others here wanted to hear. There was never any engagement or involvement with his threads. He would just drop his word salad and dash off.

Like the others have pointed out. His words mean NOTHING. There could not be a bigger contradiction than him taking your winter wood for heat, then asking if you are "ok for heat in this cold." the truth isin his actions. And that truth is, he doesn't give a shit weather you have heat or not.

Please set your phone up so his messages go to a file so you don't have to see them.

And most importantly, give yourself a break. Don't be so hard on yourself. It will get better.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you guys (((Tribe)))
It really touched me.
The guy, "B", who called, has one leg amputated Above the knee; AK,
the other Below; BK.

He walks like a crazed marionette, you find yourself looking above him for the 3 year-old pulling the strings.
Doesn't stop him one bit, from smiling, talking to everyone, joking. He drives a huge, flatbed tow truck - owns his own biz - & when you see him climb in and out of that thing, he has a pocketful of ready-made hilarious descriptions of his movements. (Manbearpig, halfmonkeyhalfman, you end up howling)

His just-then calling to "See how you're doing"
well...that did it.

I remember the time I discovered Joseph's letter.
I re-arranged most of it, so it couldn't be found via search - oh I needed a safe place! I'm so sorry you experienced a violation! Ugh!
Serves a warning it does - be careful that what you share from here does not lead back to here.
Bad zebraducks, BAD!


Posts: 5991 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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