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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 12
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The origin of the zebra duck and the caulk diagnostic took place in the NPD thread 8 page 22 and 23.

JJ (despite "blaming me") started a Name That Book idea and I followed his creative lead, one of which was

How about if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, it's probably a fucking NPD zebra playing a duck for everyone else.

and the mascot stuck. There have been several pictures and even a rubber ducky that has zebra stripes and horns, convincing me that the designer is a tribe member.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can - when you open the Main ICR forums, go down to the bottom, you will see
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Click on the last page, 6. You will find the earliest threads.

Beautiful Aspen - we're sorta spatial on here,
We got our own theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ

and our own mascot

Though shrouded in the mists of history, it is said that the zebraduck is a totem, representing what is and is not, the true embodiment of form lacking substance, the cartoonizing of an agate entity that sliced through our lives. Said entity... which turned out to be plastic
(plastic...hahaha some "Graduate" humor there),
allows us a tangible visual, to grasp the plastic, so to speak, and laugh like the uproarious survivors we truly are.
Playin in the tub's a fine thing.

You (Tribe) are held by many great minds,
souls you do not know.
Anonymous as hell I hid in my shell
took time for me to grow, listen!
sadtoo's fake cowboy parts are hilarious
v's where is she? is nefarious
a quickly spun lie
thinly hides what's inside

You'll survive just stick with us
I'm serious.


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love you cg!

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj that duck don't have horns!!!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You win.

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love you too, Jj.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the zebra duck mascot/motto.

My motto close to dday was

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, he is probably fucking a duck.


Anywho, I have always been very affected by music. I tend to latch onto a album or playlist for a mood. Especially going through a breakup. But this time, I just can't.

Like I got the usual break songs. I am very much enjoying some Taylor Swift "We are never ever getting back together" and throw in some Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats" yay I am single songs.

But close to dday, I was listening to "Say Something" (A Great Big World) and "Just Give Me a Reason" (Pink) and the my heart is so broken songs. And just bawling and crying and getting all triggery and sad.

And then when I realized that he never really loved me. And that this whole thing was a great big manipulation and farce. All those songs completely lost all triggery sadness for me. I can listen to them and enjoy them. And I don't associate them with STBX in a negative way.

I am actually really happy about that. Because I like all those songs that were making me sad before.

(Please don't judge my taste in music )


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 361 | Registered: Nov 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am taking back the music also. Bonnie Raitt, she has attitude, not the pop stuff on the radio but the bluesy.

"I need a real man", don't know the titles just the lyrics, I sing a lot now, "I'd hold you to all your promises, if I could find one you meant to keep", "these men that I been seein babe, got their soul up on a shelf, you know they could never love me when they can't even love themselves".

I like her strength, her attitude, her independence.

Good night all. I like the one with the horns, it fits.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wanted to chime into the empathy topicoa smidge.

It isn't really empathy... though

When ii was pregnant and then after DD was born, I started paying attention to the way husbands treated their wives. Like in commercials and such. Even on the mommy forum I post in.

And I would sit there (to the commercials and be like "that isn't real life, no one kisses bellies. Or talks to bellies. Or...."

And then in the forum, other moms would talk about how THEIR Hs treated them... which was night and day from how mine treated me. But I would rationalize why it was ok for STBX to treat me poorly.

I think if I had a man treat me nicely, I wouldnt know what to do with him. I might run for the hills.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 361 | Registered: Nov 2013
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

littlefoggy,
If you like the Carrie Underwood song, you'll definitely appreciate this one from my post D-day playlist:

Joey + Rory "Cheater, Cheater":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zu9QM1LQR2g

Oh, my. I just clicked on this other song from them... "God help my man if he's fooling around"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFgGPPzbZ84


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Cool  Posted: 1:13 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My anthem for FT was: Praying for You by Jaron and The Long Road to Love

It was perfect because he was and still flying between Thailand (Twat) and California.
The lyrics say I'm praying for your plane's engine to stall. He was also a pivate pilot most of our marriage. It was perfect !
Gma

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:04 AM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not a musical song :

When XH was picking up the kids ( before they could drive themselves) he would pull into the drive and the bird in the tree next to the drive (mockingbird ?). Would start squawking "cheater cheater". It only did hat when he showed up!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Quakingaspen
♀ Member
Member # 41153
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are so awesome! I have rarely felt so... accompanied before. Your strengths are inspiring!

I read up on the duck, that is fantastic! I guess I must be getting over being confused by the stripes!

I think I might have died emotionally without music! My favorite song for closure has been Matthew Sweet, Thought I Knew You. It makes me feel empowered but not angry, kind of a tricky balance. I think it is more about accepting myself and what hapened. I also like Stronger Than Ever.

Saw the attorney today and feel really good about creating a separation agreement. I think I know how to sell it and want to get it done while he's still trying to act right and before he has too long to dwell on things.

One week to go until he is out of the house.

Edited for dumb phone typos.

[This message edited by Quakingaspen at 9:31 PM, January 24th (Friday)]


"You're going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul. Don't come back for me. Who do you think you are?"

WS (him)-SA/NPD
D-Day: Too many to count. LAST time: 16 October 2013.
Separating on the road to brighter things.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: A little bit closer to Reality
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pathetic attempts at hoovering. I am guessing it is him hoovering becauase I cleaned out all his stuff and told him to get it.

And I am paraphrasing:

"LittleFoggy, I have given you plenty of time to clear your head. If you come crawling back to me now and admit how wrong you are, we can maybe make this marriage work. The longer this goes on, the less likely I am to take you back."

Uh. No, thanks. I will take my chances on my own.

In all this, no "I love you" or "I miss you" or anything. he can do better than that.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 361 | Registered: Nov 2013
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The longer this goes on, the less likely I am to take you back.

One can only hope!!! If only that meant he'd quit talking to you too...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL cg That was my response, too.

This is the second email in 2 days about how I need to go groveling back to him.

I am starting to thing maybe their love isn't real after all.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 361 | Registered: Nov 2013
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I broke no contact, a little, I had to. He emailed that he was coming to the house to chop wood on Monday.

I had to respond. "Do not come to the house on Monday or Tuesday, those are my days off and I do not want to see you."

Holy crap, Mr. Hyde came out in full force.

He wants my rings back, the generator, and reimbursement for my tires and brakes. $2800 and is going to "demand" this in court.

If we do not come to an agreement regarding assets then he is going to "contest" the divorce.

I am to give him back what is "rightfully" his.

My response was, "give me back my faithful husband that vowed to love, protect and honor me or the last 14 years of my life".

He stopped emailing me.

I am now going to forward all his emails to my friend at work before I read them. My friend that understands and is so kind to me, my empathy teacher. He is going to read them first and if I need any info from them he will let me know.

Thank you for this suggestion. It will help with the no contact. He will warn me if I need it and I won't have to read the garbage. He is going to be my human filter.

One thing this is making me realize and it is wonderful. I trust someone. There is a person in real life that I trust. He earned it, he proved it, he shows me everyday that he is trustworthy,he never changes. He likes me even if I make a mistake. He smiles when he sees me. He is consistently kind. He wants nothing from me except to be my friend, to help me through a hard time. He is a gift in my life. He has proved himself to me over time. There are kind people in real life!

Can


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can,
Good idea on the emails.

Please do not give him anything else. You can not "give" him enough. And just like your marriage, the rules of "rightfully his" will continue to change as he sees fit.

You need to do whatever you can to get an attorney. Legal aid? Borrow from friends or family? Short term loan? Home equity loan? Refi the car? Borrow against 401k? I know these are things nobody wants to do. But I can see this getting really, really UGLY. And you need the help, protection and guidance.

With a lawyer, the next time this idiot starts making demands you can say, "You can't take a shit without talking to my lawyer, Asshole!!"

Sorry, but I don't like your STBXNPDH.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:20 PM, January 24th (Friday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't like him either. Please feel free to say whatever you like!

I tried legal aid. I earn too much, apparently the max is $1200 per year.

No equity in house, mortgage is equal with value, I can't even sell.

No 401k, he had one and cashed it in last year the first time he left.

I am pretty much on my own.

I have to just file on my own and hope for the best. I just have no resources.

The only things I have in my favor is a very descriptive confession of infidelity. He earns double what I earn. There really is nothing else. There is nothing to divide of any value. I just am hoping for a bit of alimony. He probably would not pay anyway.

I honestly don't know what besides the generator has any value. I need it because if I flood, I have a sump pump and lose power, I lose the furnace and water heater.

Also my car is a 2001, not much there either.

I seem to fall between the cracks.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, January 24th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For legal aid I meant $12000 per year.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
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