When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
The strength that I see here, from those that have walked through and those that are still struggling, it is beautiful.
The honesty of the emotions, it brings peace to me that there are real, feeling people in this world.
It gives me hope that I too will become whole again. Find my missing pieces.
Each day I discover something that I didn't know I had lost, a way in which I have been changed. It is painful to realize these things but at the same time it is my opportunity to reclaim myself, to be who I am.
I am optimistic, I am loving, I laugh, a lot, I like to do for others, I like to talk about feelings, emotions, I like to know what is inside others. Those are things that I had to suppress, to hide. I am starting to remember,starting to be me again.
It is not easy, it causes anxiety, I keep looking over my shoulder, expecting the criticism or maybe even the rage. It is almost out of my life, getting close. No more eggshells.
The brain knows that I can be me, that me is pretty okay. The heart has not quite caught up, it is getting there.
I have been thinking that this feels like a battle to reclaim my freedom of self, one I am still fighting. It took a hard toll but I will appreciate my life in a way I never did before and I will never allow myself to be sacrificed again.
Just early morning rambles. Up since 4am again.
I was going to file papers today. A bit of a postponement but for a good reason. Today I have an appointment with a lawyer! I will not have to fight the rest of this battle alone.
Thank you to the wonderful, kind, heartfelt, loving people I have met here. I hope that as I become stronger, as my present becomes my past, I will be able to help others through this.
This is bigger and badder than I ever allowed myself to believe before. I don't think I could have come this far without all of your help and encouragement.
I want to hug all of you!
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
I am not all that beautiful. I hate her sometimes, too. I hate her a lot sometimes.
Just at that moment, I saw her for what he was using her for. And I couldn't help but feel something.
A bit of a postponement but for a good reason. Today I have an appointment with a lawyer! I will not have to fight the rest of this battle alone.
Hate is a distasteful thing, a ghost pepper burning.
It is recognized. Acknowledged. Spit out.
Milk and bread are beautiful.
I am optimistic, I am loving, I laugh, a lot, I like to do for others, I like to talk about feelings, emotions, I like to know what is inside others.
This is worth remembering and worth repeating!!
I hope that as I become stronger, as my present becomes my past, I will be able to help others through this.
I have no doubt.
Saying prayers for your safe departure from hell.
Is there any way to contact your local domestic violence shelter? If they can't help you leave , they may be able to give you advice on ways to safely leave.
Sending more hugs,
[This message edited by Kajem at 11:31 PM, January 27th (Monday)]
I am fairly new to this thread also, only because everytime I read here I thought I was overreacting.
It takes time to really believe that this crap is all true.
Jerry Springer, I have thought that so many times lately, I could be on that show, but wait, I should only be in the audience because I didn't even know the story!
Keep reading here, it is amazing. It helps.
Listen to the amazingly kind, intelligent people here. They have been where we are and know the way out.
I went to the domestic violence center in my town. At first I was embarrassed, I wasn't beaten, well, It was only that one time. This is how we come to think, do you see how twisted my thinking was? ONLY, as if once does not count.
This is my second attempt to leave. It seems that sometimes it takes more than on go at it to make it stick. Only because of us though, because of what we think and feel. Just knowing that this is common made me feel better.
The best advice, I think, is get some help from people who really understand. Kajem said the domestic violence center, that is probably your first best step.
One thing I have learned is to be careful who you talk to. I think of them now as "civilians", the people who have never been through this. They do not understand, they can't. I have just found that if I expose too much of my reality to them they react in a way that seems to undermine me. It is not intentional in any way, they just don't have the experience to understand.
Please get help. Do not suffer for one more day than necessary.
And friends are not allowed in my life. He makes sure of it.
is the tried and true tactic of an abuser. They isolate their victims.
Take Kajem's & CAN's insight to heart & hie thee to help with domestic violence. All abuse, at its core, is emotional.
We're here for you, & we got your back.
Just an update. I met with lawyer, he had very clear and good advice. He is available to me on an as needed basis to help me save money but if things turn nasty he will represent me.
He filled out paperwork, told me what courthouse to go to, as I had choices. He knows the judges and directed me to what he termed "the intelligent ones".
He really was great. He got the difficulty of the extraction. He actually praised me for making this move, for seeing the truth and being brave.
I was prepared to have him give me the sideways looks. The omg, she is a looney tune.
More good people in the world. :)
Papers are filed and in the hands of the sheriff. He should be served on Thursday.
The ball is rolling forward. Scared? Hell Yes!
I will get through this, I will continue to be vigilant.
I also got a call from a really good friend, a life long friend. He needs a place to stay, is looking for a short term rental.
He is moving in here. It is perfect as he is like my brother, we have been friends since we were 10! He will help with paying board and help to make me feel a bit more secure when my son is not home.
Plus, one more dog! Four dogs! I love the happy chaos, the loving chaos!
Also, he plays guitar, beautifully. I play flute. We have always played music together. I cannot wait, I have been aching to play some music. Before I met wh, we used to play 4 or 5 times a week. We even started doing open mics, I sang, played flute, it was a blast. We even got hired one time.
Once when we played at this little beachside bar the house band joined us, drums, bass, that was amazing, so much fun.
Look at me, I am not just fighting pain, I am feeling life, joy, anticipation, that is a beautiful thing.
Tonight I am going to ride the wave of happy.
Sounds like some great steps!
I hate to be a debbie downer...
You have a male moving in with you?
That could be risky. Your STBX could make it look like you are the one cheating.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:12 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]
I was a little apprehensive at first also, worried about what wh would think.
I decided, I don't care what he thinks. Honestly, he knows me and he knows my friend. If he were being normal he would think this was a great idea. If he is his other self, he will think the worst.
I don't think there is anything he can do to cause me problems about this. My son is here almost all the time. Wh has already moved out. Papers are filed, there will not be much to fight about. After the visit to the lawyer yesterday, he made it sound pretty simple. It is all pretty black and white. I also have all the crazy texts and emails from wh, plus the confession. Plus, if he really wanted to push, our MC and the physical abuse. I have kept much of this to myself. He does not want his family to know, it hurts his image. What could he possibly do? Divorce me? NOt pay alimony? There is nothing left.
My life is mine now, I will not let him prevent me from living any longer.
Thanks for your concern, that was my first gut reaction also. Now, "f" him.
Yes! Jethro Tull, Van Morrison, Moody Blues. If there is no flute part, I make it up. Music, I remember playing music. I have played music for my whole life, I can't wait to get that back.
Who knows, maybe I will be playing in public again. That was such a big thing for me, so outside my comfort zone, but I loved it! Once I saw the positive response, people enjoying it, it was so much fun.
I need some fun back. It's been a very long time.
I am not so much saying what he thinks. It is what he may say in court.
I don't know if you are in a fault state.
Even if you are not going for a fault divorce, if he catches wind of this, he may. And if you are going for a fault D, your "bad behavior" will cancel out his.
I would just be cautious. He will use whatever he can against you.
Also, I am sure it takes more to prove infidelity than a roommate. thank goodness!
Thank you for your concern, really, it is so very sweet. It is a heartfelt thing. I appreciate it. I is caring and caring for others is always good.
Except in the case of stbxwh, yes!!! Freedom is almost mine. Not to say that it doesn't hurt, it does. I just keep reminding myself I don't miss him, the parts that I miss were only an illusion, I miss an idea, not a real person.
Every thing that I do to reclaim myself, helps to heal my heart. Every person that I let into my life that is real, has a heart, will help me to live a happy life again.
Every time I do not allow fear to dictate my decisions is a victory. I have nothing left to fear. I have lived through the worst, lived through it trusting blindly. Now, I am not blind, so I trust but only those that have proven themselves to me. I will not fear as long as I know that I am being kind, honest and still protecting myself from monsters.