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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But there I go again putting on my cape and trying to save the world from infidelity.

Just remember, the underwear goes on UNDERNEATH the tights


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There it is!
We're gonna need that in the time to come noescape.
nodoubt.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember, the underwear goes on UNDERNEATH the tights

Point taken. The advice I receive on this site is priceless...


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure there are guys out there who beat the tarp out of the OM and suffered few consequences, and felt great about it.

In most situations, even setting aside the risk none of us care about because pain gets turned off for a confrontation like this (the other guy being in shape enough to actually put up a fight or hurt you - and having been humiliated relentlessly in my youth that way I can tell you standing up for yourself doesn't help with the shame of bleeding out on the pavement, but I digress) - the fact is that the cops don't give a shit if he fucked your wife and your kids don't understand. Since life isn't an action movie most of us would end up in jail footing some assholes bills while a remorseless WW vindicated her behavior and raised the kids on her own, and those kids would get to visit us in jail, not understanding why it was so much more important to push some fuckers teeth down his throat than, I dunno, show up a couple minutes late and stand at the back during whatever stupid school assembly they're singing in so they get excited and wave frantically, or maybe even be there to stand up and shout YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH like a complete ass when s/he takes a gold at fucking mathletes. Not that I'd ever do such a thing. Also WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE LET THEIR 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTERS OUT IN SKIRTS THAT ARE LITERALLY 4 INCHES LONG WHY DO YOU DO THAT IM NOT ASKING FOR A BURKHA BUT HOLY SHIT CLOTHE YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER IN SOMETHING A BIT LESS LIKE LITTLE MISS WHORETANIA FOR A GOD DAMNED MATH COMPETITION.

Anyway.

It's not like beating the shit out of him would beat some sense into him anyway. If he had the capacity for that then he'd certainly have found it somewhere along the line knowing he was fucking the wife of a force recon marine or SWAT captain or some dude who works out and once ate a volkswagon. The old kind with the engines you could fix with lawnmower parts. I mean a guy who fucks THAT guys wife, you think beating his ass will make anyone else think twice? It won't even make him think twice. I wouldn't be surprised if he came lurking around again thinking THIS time he can get away with it...

Hell yes it would feel good but it's one of those low end feel good point. Not one that I personally find morally objectionable, but one that has consequences that affect more than just yourself with limited, short term benefits in most situations.

If you crushed him like a DELICIOUS message in CANDY CRUSH and everything went smoothly? No shit, no sarcasm, fucking AWESOME. Most of us, though, it doesn't work like that. Not because we are chickenshit, but because life always deals a Fuck You card on the river, and unless you have a couple aces in the hole you don't play that shit out with everything else all in.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7109 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you think beating his ass will make anyone else think twice? It won't even make him think twice.

Considering the fact that less than two years ago the dumbass lost his job, had his name in the papers, and faced criminal charges all stemming from another affair, I guess not.

[This message edited by Later at 11:14 AM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To piggyback on SG:
If thinking ahead about consequences were a part of these idiots' mental tool bag, it wouldn't have happened in the first place.... so beating their ass as a means of saving the world from infidelity doesn't work, because they don't think about these things.
...and those kids would get to visit us in jail, not understanding why it was so much more important to push some fuckers teeth down his throat than, I dunno, show up a couple minutes late and stand at the back during whatever stupid school assembly they're singing...
This, 1000x.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later, NPD? Really?
I vote boat.

That's my diagnosis anyway. Of course, since narcissists do not exactly rush to therapy I will probably never have that clinically confirmed.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure there are guys out there who beat the tarp out of the OM and suffered few consequences, and felt great about it.

Since this is my second time in the infidelity train. . . .
My fiancee cheated on me (not current W) while we were in college. Let's say I carried this out to the end while drinking one night. It just added more to the already big crap pile. Not to mention I lost a lot of moral high ground.

I looked down on ex fiancee for being weak and giving into something that felt good at the time with little regard to who it hurt and why. After my “revenge” I lost that ability because if you think about it, I did the exact same thing. Letting the anger out in this way just feeds it and you end up hurting yourself. We need to heal the existing hurts, not add new ones.

YMMV


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The pos om( our ex car mechanic) came to my office and said this " I have to apologise from the deepest part of my heart. " I stop him and told him to get the F out of my office and if he ever came here again I would not be so nice ( I used other words but you get the idea). I saw right through him . He was trying to make it right with me so my WW would still take our cars to him . They are defiantly predators and will use any angle to keep the A going .


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

or some dude who works out and once ate a volkswagon.

It was a Honda actually. And I had severe indigestion for a week afterwards.

All kidding aside, SG makes a great point. You can't win. Life is not an action movie, and adults who don't live on the fringes of society can't go around picking fist fights with other adults. The law frowns on it. Men with families have to avoid making self-destructing choices. Especially when the other parent is fresh off of one.

And you can't make these clowns think twice about anything because they have no respect for anything, including themselves. B444 was an Army drill instructor, and that didn't stop some pant-wetting loser from pursuing his wife. And I can tell you from experience that Air Force instructors are scary enough individuals, so my guess is that our Army brother is not someone a sane person would want to piss off. Yet he showed restraint in the restaurant despite having an opportunity to stomp the OM into a greasy spot on the floor. Because his kids and his career mean more to him than inflicting temporary pain on POSER. That's my take - B444 step in if I'm off base here.

All your energy needs to be focused on yourself and your family. I've been tempted to confront the OM, but I've settled instead for sending him the silent message that he doesn't mean jack shit to me and isn't worth a second of my time. It's the best I can do under the circumstances.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1028 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he had the capacity for that then he'd certainly have found it somewhere along the line knowing he was fucking the wife of a force recon marine or SWAT captain or some dude who works

I'm going to have to validate SG here.
OM was god damn suicidal. I was assisting in putting the gyms boot camp together. On their website they showed off my Drill Sergeant of the year pic. I was in full uniform displaying my jump wings, air assault badge, and expert infantryman's badge. I had been a graduate of the basic and Advanced SWAT academy when I lived in Texas. I always carry. I work out almost every day.
I am known to say Hooah for no apparent reason.
I love the quote
Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet

I referred to my wife and myself as beauty and the beast. Her hair and nails. My camoflauge.
I am arrogant. Cocky. And consider myself hard core.
Fucker still did it. And he was a slob. A coward. A fuckin condom escapee. A hanger dodger.
I wanted to crush him into powder. Break him in half. Do other very bad things. He was right in front of me.
Although I'm a mindless idiot because I didn't see this developing right under my nose I was able to call upon all the restraint I could muster and let him "live" which is how I put it. I used the words mercy, amnesty, in exchange for answers. I recognized that this was going to probably end up in either a criminal court or family court. I chose family. My kids kept me grounded. I acknowledged that my kids would need me. I was obviously the better parent. A more capable provider. I wasn't going to validate her vindictive game and lose my livelihood over some slob.
As I said earlier, I was floored by her poor choice of an AP.
POSERS don't care like crack heads and meth heads don't care. Like child molesters don't care. Rapists don't care. They never consider consequences and they don't have a plan when they get caught. Their only plan is on how to stalk their prey and commit the act.
Crack heads commit robberies and burglaries. They don't even think what if the home owner is armed or if the police show up. They just want their drug.
Just like criminals are stupid, that's why their criminals, POSERS cannot form normal healthy relationships. That's why they are POSERS.
In a normal relationship they would be expected to have responsibilities, really care about someone, and sustain it for lengths at a time.
A POSER gets his victim to accept that he is sub par. A lier. He can be secretive with absolutely no responsibilities. He can have the victim play the same game and mirror his abilities to her BH.
That is why POSERS never apologize. They completed the act, their cover was blown, and many but not all times they move on to the next. To hell with WW and the after affects she has to deal with.
I realize there are many types but there are common threads.
This doesn't remove WW from any of the blame. She had intent. She was looking. And POSER was there.
Anyway as SG said. It doesn't matter if your Superman, the punisher, whoever. If your WW puts it out there a POSER will accept the risk even if he is Pee Wee Herman. They are snakes.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:27 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A fuckin condom escapee.

I got dibs on this one.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a classic, jjct.

This was my personal favorite:

Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet

Hooah!


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1028 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet

Present company excluded, right B444?

ETA - BTW I have been waiting for the opportunity to use the word *maggot* with my wife. It just hasn't come up yet, but it is gold, pure gold.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 1:27 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone have a story of these dirt bags reaching out just to apologize

Yeah, I do. But watch out what you ask for, you might get it. In my case, it was horrifying.

FWW’s A with POSER was over 30 years ago, but now he has terminal cancer, has “found Jesus” and is apologizing to some of the wronged husbands. He says he “was not a good person”. No shit, Sherlock! To go back a couple of pages in this thread, he was a sexual predator. A fucking sociopath. Since he’s gone all biblical on me, I’ll use the term out of the Good Book to describe him. Evil.

His wife was unfaithful, so he started having RA’s with a vengeance. He claims he bedded an average of one new woman a month for over 30 years. No doubt he’s bragging, but even half or a third of that number is frightening. He also said he preferred married women because he thought they were “safer” regarding pregnancy and STDs. But, he also said they were easier.

I thought being married was something special, that our wows meant something and it would take a pretty big event to get one of us to break them. In the case of my WW, (and many of yours here) not so much. Statistically speaking, close to half of all married women fall into her category. Easier to fuck than single women.

Now this guy had some “game”, practice makes perfect and all, but he admitted his success rate wasn’t that good with singles. Later, at my W’s constant urging to “have an A of my own” I went and tried. I had no game. I was ashamed of myself. I was foolish and clumsy. But even a blind cat catches a rat once in a while, and eventually, I got laid. By a married woman!

So POSER was evil, but what does that say about the hundreds of married women (including mine) that willingly dropped their drawers for him?

And what does that say about me, and my AP? I think everything I was taught about marriage was wrong. More on that later.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA - BTW I have been waiting for the opportunity to use the word *maggot* with my wife. It just hasn't come up yet, but it is gold, pure gold.

Use the term
Mealy mouthed maggot and fire for effect.
Peckerwood works well also!

FWW’s A with POSER was over 30 years ago, but now he has terminal cancer, has “found Jesus” and is apologizing to some of the wronged husbands. He says he “was not a good person”

LOLOL
Fucker can't positive mirror god.
Of course he was sorry. Wanted to go to the right place after his miserable life ended. He must have been 1000 different ways of fucked up. And again, it's all about them. Not you.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:44 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Present company excluded, right B444?

No comment? Plausible deny-ability???


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No comment? Plausible deny-ability???

LoL
Absolutely excluded
Your considered a brother
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother
We're all in this together and suffer the same wounds.
Much respect for all.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:55 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can anyone think of another term for OM? Maggot is okay, but maggots do serve some purpose in nature. I don't want the wife to think I am paying him a compliment.

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
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