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User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 12
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days I really want to say fuck it.
That's me lately. If there were some way to know that if I filed tomorrow I'd get 100% physical custody of my son, I think I'd be gone.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm gonna go back to what Sal was talking about earlier:

Anybody whose primary source of validation, acceptance of themselves, sense of achievement, or all-consuming goal in life is to get herself a good fucking (get noticed, have some dude in a bar look at them, etc.) is really just not worth your time.

If that's as high as you can aspire, I don't care where you live, how much you get paid or how nice your clothes are...you're white trash.

And I don't know about you, but I throw my trash out when I'm done with it.

Now, the caveat is this: I like a good fucking as much as the next guy. I'm a big fan of fucking. I'd rather have a good fucking than a nice lunch most days. What I won't do is trade a good fucking for my self-esteem, the keys to my car, my children's future, the security of my job, or anything else that's valuable to me.

Throwing your life, your security, and the lives of your children in the can in exchange for a good fucking is what makes you trash.

(I also believe in recycling, so don't mistake this for a once-a-cheetah rant.)


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FP,
Sorry brother, sucks to be in that position. Gotta ask though, are you really saying you're only staying for the kids? BTDT. It's not worth it. It really is better for them to be from a broken home than to live in one. What behaviors are you going to be modeling?

I'm not in any way suggesting D for you at this point, but are you looking at R for the right reasons? Short term, staying for the kids is ok IMO, but if that becomes the only reason, you may want to reconsider.

BTW, the kids were my reason to stay for the first 8 months. I had given myself a year to decide what I was going to do. FWW was regretful for the first 8 months, but didn't show much in the way of remorse. I dunno, something changed in her at that point. She began doing what I would term remorseful things. We're at 18 months now and in a better place.

Still, however, I do realize that it could ultimately be a dealbreaker. 2-5 years. Maybe your realization has come earlier.

Strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred
Can I kindly interject and call bullshit.
From the broad spectrum of betrayed men we see here the commonality isn't brains or brawn. Our WW are fucked in the head.
I've read your posts and deduced that your tough as nails. Your hard core. Your family orientated. And you do what it takes to keep your family together.
You know by now that what you described as her ideal man and size sounds like it comes from a fictional romance novel. It isn't real. It's like she went shopping in the porn section of some sleazy retail video store. Anyone can do that. Just like WAL said. It's trashy.
You bear the burden of everyday events just like we all do.
Seriously would I mind a Jessica Alba, Jennifer Anniston, Jessie Jane. Sure. But I don't go out looking for it, I wouldn't take it. And how would a common stay at home house wife measure or compete with that. Sex may be fantastic. Her vag may be the holy grail of vag's. super tight, perfect fit whatever.
I will tell you what they would lack. Love, companionship, the ability to raise your children.
You know all of this but I sense your beating yourself up and it was never about you or what someone else had. Your a bad ass. Back surgeries are no joke and she vowed in sickness and health. Blah blah
Besides he wasn't all that. He was in The guard. That made me laugh. Half of his awards are probably fake. Stolen valor is a big deal
Btw I'm dying to know with all due respect. What was her ideal "size"?.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FP, Tred, 5454 and everyone,

I hate to set off a bomb like this so close to the end of the thread, but we can cross the Rubicon together if it gets legs.

Like many here in BMenz, I was one of those damned-near perfect husbands, if anything a bit too much of a giver and fixer. Didn't stop my WW from fucking a total sleazeball who had perfected the game of presenting himself as an Alpha, at least well enough to get her pants off a half-dozen times.

Very long story short, we R'd and are still married over 30 years later, but I spent a chunk of that time trying to figure out why & what the Hell happened.

Lots of things had part of the answer, but nothing made total sense until I started following Athol Kay, and his Married Man's Sex Life books and blog. Then, so many light bulbs went off in my head I could have lit up a football stadium all by myself.

WARNING: This is Hard Truth, if you're close to DDay you might want to wait, or take a peek with your eyes half-closed before you dive in. Can be Trigger City.

I read a lot of the posts on SI with new eyes. Scary.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 12:28 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B444 - he was actually special forces prior to going reserve. He worked EOD.

What was her ideal "size"?
More than 5" and less than 12". I guess a girl has to have her standards.

Of course her AP was the fantasy version - he was the hottest, most flattering man she could pull. I mentioned that to her once and she said "Duh". That was what it was about - fucking the guy on the cover of the romance book, or Mr. Big, whatever. That's the whole point - she wanted the fantasy, and that just ain't me. As they say in basketball, you can't coach height. Or speed. Same goes with good looks that make women's panties wet. Drop a Ryan Gosling photo down in F&G and listen to the swooning. I know I'm not that - I've always known it. I can read a mirror. Doesn't make it suck any less. Probably why I'm in therapy.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...until I started following Athol Kay, and his Married Man's Sex Life books and blog...

Just browsing his site...that guy's got some pretty good shit. It's worth a look, and a not too far from the sort of stuff we're talking about here in the BMZ.

Going to give him a tentative approval status while I dig in deeper. Thanks for the heads up!


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Athol Kay, and his Married Man's Sex Life books and blog

I'll have to check it out. And don't worry about setting off bombs - the Menz thread is all about t/j'ing on roids . That's what makes it so interesting...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Green Beret? Hard to believe. Most of them are equipped with integrity. I question it of course. Most POSERS are full of shit.
I know many of us while single are Alphas but over time once we settle down we are whittled towards Beta more and more by women. They want us to be responsible, domesticated, take care of our children and be faithful. Discard our cantankerous ways and soften up. Listen to them, ask them how their day went. Go to work and grind out our week. Pussification , betafication, whatever you want to call it. Athol Kay covers this nonsense in his book.
Tom Leykis also covers it. Women want the bad boys. They fuck them until they want to settle down then look for the Beta's to raise their kids.
Same theme. They basically kill your Alpha and then look for another.
My WW's other male was a pussy though. Scratching my head on that although a tennis guy is kinda sort of probably a catty trophy in some way.
Anyway I have read the books and I realized what I lost.
I spoke to a family friend today who is also a priest. He affirmed our situation. He said I was doing the right thing. He said you were a Drill Sergeant, a soldier, you have that Ranger mentality and your honor is with your kids and family. You have strength to stand by and offer reconciliation and to set clear boundaries. If it fails its because she failed. If she crosses the line then it's on her. I offered every opportunity to make this work and none of it is my fault. And the kids are the number one priority. I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and if anything I have shown strength and commitment. All of us have.
He said POSERS will eventually face consequences because they make bad decisions and will continue to do so. They will meet a day of reckoning.
I was inspired of course. He said some hard core shit that reinforced my resolve.
As for Alpha. That has worked for me. The 180 allowed me to recapture a lot of my alpha and find myself.
Ever heard the term pussy whipped? That is a beta term.
Fuck that. When I took back control of myself that was alpha. That is what WW's want that's what they will get. Strength and honor.
Turns them on, flips the switch, clears the fog.
The I don't give a damn attitude.
Begging, pleading, crying....they laugh at that. It turns them off.
Everything I say may be BS but it seems to be working for me.
Once I turned back to my roots WW has been remorseful, loving, cooking, cleaning, and appreciative.
I don't try to fix her. I'm not getting drawn into any drama. I do tell her I appreciate what she's done. I take time to talk about her day. I spend more time with her in general.
I let go of whatever outcome there may be. I told her where the line is and that where the M may live or die. I felt good with it. It's up to her. Right now I'm comfortable either way.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
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Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just browsing his site...that guy's got some pretty good shit. It's worth a look, and a not too far from the sort of stuff we're talking about here in the BMZ.

WAL
Athol Kay is the shit
I was referred to him on this site and read his book. Helped me figure a lot of this stuff out and 180 hard. He covers infidelity.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:14 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
foundoutlater
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Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK where did everyone go? Everyone reading Athol Kay?


Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1062 | Registered: Jul 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've poked around the site for a little bit this afternoon... I dunno. I'm suspicious. Why should men have to conform themselves into some sort of 'Alpha' in order to attract women. I mean, if that's how you're built, cool... But really, isn't the goal to be who you are, not to transform yourself into something else because 'that's what chicks dig'? To me, a lot of it reeks of caveman-like thinking... This idea that women are evolutionarily predispositioned to some sort of submissive role and secretly want their all of their needs to be taken care of for them. You know what that sounds like to me?

Laziness.

Take care of your own needs. It's not my job to be a knuckle-dragging caricature in order to satisfy your deep-seated whims. We are not our urges. My deepest urges upon entering manhood were to crush my father's skull with a rock so as to assume my place at the head of the tribe and to eliminate every sexual rival by force. Guess what? I didn't. Trying to cater to women's innermost urges ignores their brains, IMHO. And that's the part I really married.

Note: I have a migraine and am cranky today, so I apologize in advance for the flippant attitude.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Mr. Kite
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Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not my job to be a knuckle-dragging caricature in order to satisfy your deep-seated whims.

Damn! Now you tell me.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That being said, Athol Kay did have some really cool stuff to say on the topic of doing chill stuff just because that's how you feel fulfilled.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't read the Kay site yet, but one thing I've heard of recently that is supposed to be good for the Menz is the Mankind Project. Anyone have any experience with it?


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, I am going to have to disagree. I actually won the genetic lottery and my wife still cheated. I know people say all kinds of unsupportable things on the internet, so just this once I will post a photo and maybe you will shut your pie hole:

[This message edited by Later at 3:06 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
thinkingclear
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Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a migraine and am cranky today
Me too and I can't blame mine on a migraine. I've just been feeling a little blah lately. I can't help to also feel like...
Some days I really want to say fuck it.

That's me lately. If there were some way to know that if I filed tomorrow I'd get 100% physical custody of my son, I think I'd be gone.
I think part of it for me is that I have an MC session tonight. I'm starting to resent this process. Don't get me wrong, without our MC I'm sure my WW would be doing poorly, but dang it I'm tired of this crap. I've spent so much time and effort into rebuilding this M that didn't mean all that much to her to begin with.
I was inspired of course. He said some hard core shit that reinforced my resolve.
I'm glad you're feeling inspired. I'm jealous. Professionally and personally I love where my life is going, BUT with my M I feel the most uninspired I've ever felt in a relationship. My WW is the most remorseful she has ever been. She acts and talks to me with respect. She is legitimately trying, but all I muster is a "who give's a crap" attitude.

I know I've not added a darn thing positive today. Maybe tomorrow. Today I'm just not feeling it.


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
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Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just waiting for the new thread to start.

Waiting...............


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Wonderboy

In a day full of anger and triggers, that picture and post made me belly laugh. Well done sir.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1611 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
SuperDuperWonderboy
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Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shitty, angry days suck FP. They do get better though. But hell, even at 19 months, I still have nightmares...but not every night anymore....so that's a good thing.

I have found the perfect picture to start off the new menz thread.

So, I am waiting....


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
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