ETA: My ICs feel that I have outgrown WH and if I don't slow down and wait for him to catch up then our M might not be saved and they both, as well as WH's IC, feel our M is worth rebuilding.
[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 6:56 AM, July 25th (Thursday)]
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum
and they both, as well as WH's IC, feel our M is worth rebuilding.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Honest question - Do YOU feel it's worth rebuilding?
Yes, because the good in the M and within ourselves far outweigh the bad ( A inclusive).
While everyone has to work through their process, some prodding of the wayward to shift gears can be effective.
I can see if your healing continues to outpace your WH's that you might become impatient. If you are strong enough then you might see what you can do to help him come up to your speed and then continue the journey together.
This is already happening and that is why my ICs have told me to slow down. They would prefer that WH do the work himself as one of the issues we had in our M is that I always ended up having to step in and "save the day" because WH never followed through on things or procrastinated to a point where it would have serious consequences for us as a family. We both resented it but never voiced it. He felt I was controlling and I felt he was immature and irresponsible. I have had to learn to step back and he has had to learn to step forward.
I have told him directly that he best hurry up, or I might not be within his reach any more.
I mentioned this to WH on Monday after my IC session as it was one of the issues raised. WH felt threatened and attacked. I told him I was not attacking or threatening him but raising a valid point. Throughout our entire 14 year relationship my life has been literally on hold while catering to and supporting WH and the kids and now I have finally "woken up" and done some seriously hard and damned uncomfortable work on myself (with more to come) and realised it is ok to be a bit selfish and not feel guilty about it and WH feels threatened and attacked (his FOO coping mechanism at being abandoned kicked in). His IC is working with him on this.
[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 1:04 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]