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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Thinking of breaking up with SO
Confused1829
♀ Member
Member # 32729
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Waits!

I hear you and I agree - that's my favorite quote too. I am really glad we're taking a a break and I'm giving myself ample time to think things through.

Yes, I miss him. Yes, sometimes I'm scared of sabotaging a good thing. In a way, I feel like I'm punishing him for taking this break, I hope he doesn't see it that way. I really just wanted clarity.

I think in reality my gut is right. Our timing may be off (we met fairly soon after his last relationship ended). He swears that he cares more for me than he ever did about his Ex, and I believe him, but that doesn't mean the issues aren't spilling over - hence the insecurity fights. I don't care how much you cared about an ex, you still need to heal following a break up and process stuff. And its not that I can't forgive or compromise, but I'm recognizing a pattern of behavior here, and just 4 -5 months in, that's not a good sign. It will keep reoccurring.

And maybe my timing is off. The reality is though, while he wants to fight for the relationship, I don't. That's very telling. I still care about him and it doesn't mean that anyone is a bad person here, but I learned that you don't have to wait for a canyon to go off to end a relationship. They can end for a lot of reasons. I'd rather end it now, than later as it would surely be more painful. The easy thing to do would be to rug sweep, and I'm not going to do that.

I have to be fair to myself and to him and end it. I'm suppose to see him Friday, it will suck, I know he wants to hold on but I have to do what's right. Part of me wants to do this on Wednesday before I lose my nerve, but he has a big presentation on Thursday and I don't want to cause a mess for him midweek. I'll come over to his place after work on Friday, be very calm, clear, but stick my ground. Then collect my things and leave. If he comes to my place, he'll never leave and I want him to have time to be alone and have privacy in his own place.

No matter what I feel like the bad guy. I hope our mutual friends understand and don't hate me. Breakups are hard.


Me: fBW 31
DDays: May 31 2011 & Aug 6 2011. Divorced November 14, 2011 (No Kids)

Posts: 282 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New York City
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was about to say just give it time, it's such a fresh relationship, why pressure yourself to make a decision now?

Then I read about his insecurities... Seriously, why does HE want to rush things? Why does he need to know 5 months in where you stand? You're still in the getting-to-know-you phase... how can he possibly know where HE stands, to begin with, other than he wants to continue to get to know you?

I don't know, this seems really clingy to me.

I DON'T think going to a family wedding is necessarily a big step toward a long-term commitment though. Don't let that upcoming date loom large in your head.


Posts: 3152 | Registered: Sep 2006
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like he's too intense for you. He's pushing forward faster than you're comfortable moving. It's not necessarily that he's the wrong guy, it's just that he wants a bigger relationship than you're ready for. Perhaps?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13739 | Registered: Jul 2011
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This stuff is hard. Period. Follow your gut. It's rarely wrong. Good luck!


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
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Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Topic Posts: 24
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