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User Topic: boys. I'm at a loss
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's normal but there is an end to it. My Darling Boy is 16.5 he actually is coming back. He didn't say more than 2 words to me at any given time for the 2 years prior to this. He actually talks to me tells me jokes and shares his hopes dreams and fears. I couldn't be prouder.
He is a dick to his 14 yo sister about 98% of the time still. I know he will have really grown up when he can be kind to her. Lol


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7827 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They may APPEAR not to be listening but they are.

Absolutely this!! Boy, the birds and the bees one-sided conversations (are they really conversations? - maybe lectures would be better) are a perfect example of that. My DS would just turn red and bury his face in his arms and grunt if I asked if he had any questions or concerns. Since I could never get any confirmation that he actually got what I was desperately trying to tell him, I bought him a book. Illustrated with lifelike drawings of boys and girls and men and women and body parts and condoms and all that stuff. It was really very well done. That book was never seen in public again, but I know for a fact that he and all his buddies read it cover to cover. They and their parents all owe me for making sure none of them had babies in their teens. I'm hoping no STDs either, but I'm not asking that question!

Now that DS is over 30 (holy crap), it's hilarious to hear him say things that I know I said to him a million times over when he was a teen. Proof positive that he was listening!


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4928 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine are 19, 18, and 15. The 19 and 18 yo are mostly out of that (the next phase is how they know EVERYTHING and you are SO STUPID and DON'T UNDERSTAND, 18 yo still coming out of this one), and the 15 yo is easing his way into it now. It's unnerving, but there isn't anything wrong with YOU in this.

Hang in there!!

((((unfound))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, perfectly, albeit horrible, normal stage. Two brothers and two sons.

Just a couple of weeks ago I told DS17 that he needed to move out and be on his own because he so obviously knows everything. There isn't a thing we, as parents, can teach him anymore and he doesn't need our guidance or stupid rules. He has the world by its tail and never ever in anyone's life are you so effen' sure you know everything that needs to be known than when you are 17 years old!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9415 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tapping into my 'if I could do it over' box -

Remember that Bill Cosby joke about what a man wants when he gets home from work?
Quiet.

When you get the eyeroll; "MO-om! Do we have to talk now?"
In large part, dealing with all the changes they're facing (the 'work' of being a teen), they need decompression.
As in: no pressure.

Think of how the 180 works.
Modify it. Go away from 'having to talk' to just spending simple time together.
The more innocuous the better.
What can you think of doing together - where you're not having to do anything? (& definitely not having to, you know, talk :::shudder:::)

Time. Just being together.
Let them come out of themselves at their own rate.
Even though you may want to jump on every little thing that peeks out, analyze it, fix it, etc...
Try to resist that.

Be patient. Silent hugs work wonders.


Posts: 6430 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I grew up in a male-dominated household, so I had the opposite problem. But two teenage daughters have been a learning experience.

You know how girls act around 12-13 years old? That's how boys act around 15-17 years old, in terms of attitude, moodiness, etc. I guess we mature slower than girls.

It's just a phase, and it will pass before you know it.

ETA: Great advice from jjct!

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 1:11 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciling


Posts: 1331 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
JanetS
♀ Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discussed this on another thread recently.

They say the male brain matures at 25. Believe me I am counting the days as my DS21 and DS23 approach that milestone. DD27 had teen drama and ugliness for HS and University years...but not the kind of stuff that had me wonder if she would ever be able to be self-sufficient. The boys, I don't know how they'll ever be able to be self-sufficient (and the older one is engaged...hopefully won't set a wedding date until he matures).

Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. I've seen WONDERFUL parents still have kids who treat them like crap.

The good news is that generally they do grow up and hopefully apologize...my daughter has apologized for her teen angst that she took out on me.

Seems from the amount of responses...you are not alone.


Posts: 2541 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They can be brooding, dark people for awhile. How long? It varies. And it seems like certain girls bring it out even more. I've even wondered if they think it's "cool" to act like Edward the vampire. And I'm not even talking about my son that got involved in drugs and alcohol.

Hormones are a factor in boys more than I had thought. And they do listen while appearing unconscious. Side-by-side non eye contact conversations work well too. Like while driving in the car. They feel less threatened.

We kept them busy. Busy=tired=much happiness in the house.

ETA:we have a sarcastic wall poster which advises them to move out at age 15 while they still know absolutely everything about everything.

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:54 PM, July 26th (Friday)]


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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