They may APPEAR not to be listening but they are.
Absolutely this!! Boy, the birds and the bees one-sided conversations (are they really conversations? - maybe lectures would be better) are a perfect example of that. My DS would just turn red and bury his face in his arms and grunt if I asked if he had any questions or concerns. Since I could never get any confirmation that he actually got what I was desperately trying to tell him, I bought him a book. Illustrated with lifelike drawings of boys and girls and men and women and body parts and condoms and all that stuff. It was really very well done. That book was never seen in public again, but I know for a fact that he and all his buddies read it cover to cover. They and their parents all owe me for making sure none of them had babies in their teens. I'm hoping no STDs either, but I'm not asking that question!
Now that DS is over 30 (holy crap), it's hilarious to hear him say things that I know I said to him a million times over when he was a teen. Proof positive that he was listening!
Hang in there!!
Just a couple of weeks ago I told DS17 that he needed to move out and be on his own because he so obviously knows everything. There isn't a thing we, as parents, can teach him anymore and he doesn't need our guidance or stupid rules. He has the world by its tail and never ever in anyone's life are you so effen' sure you know everything that needs to be known than when you are 17 years old!
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Remember that Bill Cosby joke about what a man wants when he gets home from work?
When you get the eyeroll; "MO-om! Do we have to talk now?"
In large part, dealing with all the changes they're facing (the 'work' of being a teen), they need decompression.
As in: no pressure.
Think of how the 180 works.
Modify it. Go away from 'having to talk' to just spending simple time together.
The more innocuous the better.
What can you think of doing together - where you're not having to do anything? (& definitely not having to, you know, talk :::shudder:::)
Time. Just being together.
Let them come out of themselves at their own rate.
Even though you may want to jump on every little thing that peeks out, analyze it, fix it, etc...
Try to resist that.
Be patient. Silent hugs work wonders.
You know how girls act around 12-13 years old? That's how boys act around 15-17 years old, in terms of attitude, moodiness, etc. I guess we mature slower than girls.
It's just a phase, and it will pass before you know it.
ETA: Great advice from jjct!
[This message edited by Sal1995 at 1:11 PM, July 26th (Friday)]
They say the male brain matures at 25. Believe me I am counting the days as my DS21 and DS23 approach that milestone. DD27 had teen drama and ugliness for HS and University years...but not the kind of stuff that had me wonder if she would ever be able to be self-sufficient. The boys, I don't know how they'll ever be able to be self-sufficient (and the older one is engaged...hopefully won't set a wedding date until he matures).
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. I've seen WONDERFUL parents still have kids who treat them like crap.
The good news is that generally they do grow up and hopefully apologize...my daughter has apologized for her teen angst that she took out on me.
Seems from the amount of responses...you are not alone.
Hormones are a factor in boys more than I had thought. And they do listen while appearing unconscious. Side-by-side non eye contact conversations work well too. Like while driving in the car. They feel less threatened.
We kept them busy. Busy=tired=much happiness in the house.
ETA:we have a sarcastic wall poster which advises them to move out at age 15 while they still know absolutely everything about everything.
[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 3:54 PM, July 26th (Friday)]