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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anyone else gain weight in R?
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 15 pounds up from where I was last summer, when my marriage was in the crapper. I exercise about the same amount, but obviously now I eat more and I'm actually able to digest food now.

I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable, but if I could have my druthers, I'd choose skinny and happy. Anyone else gain weight when their marriage improved?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup - and I'm with you - fatter and happier beats thin and miserable, but thin and happy would be a dream come true. What about your WH? Did he lose weight after DDay? Mine didn't lose and ounce - ate like life was good. Just another thing that pissed me off!!


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost about 30 lbs within the first two months after my d-days. Now my marriage is better, and I just got back from vacation, and I am about 40 lbs up.

I need to lose the weight, but frick... the way I lost it with the infidelity diet was not healthy by any means. I'm looking forward to shedding the extra pounds in a much more humane method this go around!!


Posts: 7522 | Registered: Dec 2010
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only a couple months in and struggling to gain weight. I lost 5 pounds right after Dday and was already super thin so it was a lot for me. I have gained back 2 but still am constantly shaky and not always eating well.

WS has gained 10 pounds in the 2 months! I guess stress does things differently to people.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What about your WH? Did he lose weight after DDay?

After D-Day 1, I can't remember if he lost weight, but he was a wreck and his stomach was a mess.

After D-Day 2, oh, he was feeling fine about himself. He had done nothing wrong and he was going to get himself in shape (presumably for all the ladies out there ) so he started buying heads of lettuce, yogurt, and cottage cheese, and went from sedentary to doing P90X.

Now that he's a normal person again, he's put on some weight and he wants to lose it. We just sold our house recently and moved into an apartment (we're building) and between all the showings on our house and moving/unpacking, we've both been eating out WAY too much. So even though it's tough in a small space, I'm going to try to cook healthier meals for us (and stop buying ice cream!)


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS has gained 10 pounds in the 2 months! I guess stress does things differently to people.

Low-level stress (like worrying over a project at work, there's something wrong with my car but I don't know what, etc. makes me nervous and snacky). High-level stress, like interpersonal conflict and - of course - infidelity - renders me unable to eat and gives me, um, frequent trips to the potty. Sorry TMI.


Losfer good luck with your humane weight loss efforts! I'm with ya.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't even want to talk about it. I am literally like 5 pounds from what I weighed when I had my dd. I am trying so hard, but my 45 year old body just laughs at me. Laughs and laughs.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only 6 weeks out, and I've lost about a pound a week. I needed to, but have only had 1 or 2 normal bathroom trips since DD. i've been exercising a lot, which helps with stress relief. Is it sustainable? I am sure not.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lost about 15 pounds the first month after Dday, and then gained about 25 pounds the second and third months. Not sure why... my eating habits have stayed the same.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1206 | Registered: Jul 2013
broken81
♀ Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right after DDay we both lost weight.
Now that we arent constantly stressing, and we are spending alot more time together we both have gained weight.
We have taken many trips, alot more dinners and lunches out plus a short lived pregnancy have made me put on some weight.
Atleast I have enjoyed the weight gain i guess


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my 45 year old body just laughs at me. Laughs and laughs.

Tell your body to cut that shit out and quit being a jerk!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
TheTooGoodWife
♀ Member
Member # 35973
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had already lost 20 pounds by the time WH confessed due to medication I had been taking for my thyroid and then lost another 30, so 50 in total. My weight has stabilised but I still need to lose another 70 to be in a healthy weight range for my height, age and bone structure. This is one of the things that I am dealing with in therapy as my weight is a self protection shell due to sexual abuse as a child.

ETA: WH became very skinny after d-day, he actually had a nervous breakdown when he saw how his A affected me and was booked off for over 2 months. Now he has gained all that back with interest

[This message edited by TheTooGoodWife at 1:25 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]


Me-BW-46
WH-43
M-13 yrs together 15 yrs, 2 DS 11 & 8
D-Day 20 May '12 WH confessed, PA 4 months 06/2008-10/2008 cOW
His A says nothing about me but everything about him

Posts: 239 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The early post dday months I lost almost dangerously fast. About 25-30lbs. I literally need to buy a new wardrobe because nothing fits anymore. Since we've been in full swing R, not sure if I've gained any back, but I have stopped losing and my new clothes still fit.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell your body to cut that shit out and quit being a jerk!

I do! And then my body says, "hey, know what would be fun? We should have a beer!" and so I say, "ok!" and then my body says, "sucka!" and gains a pound.

Tricky. And I keep falling for it.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My body does that too but with ice cream.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life observation - A good IPA is worth every pound.

I dropped 10 and have balanced out right around there. Maybe its the running, soccer or yoga. Perhaps the biking with the kids. Oh wait, I did that stuff prior to the A!

take care...



Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really sucks that we ladies need to worry about weight all the time!
After dday I lost about 10 lbs... and I didn't need to lose any... he acted repulsed by my looks- admit my rib cage and collar bone did stick out more, but it still wasn't really any of his damn business- afterall he caused this.
Now 3 years later I'm up about 5 from then...still a few under where I was, but I do look healthier... he keeps saying I could gain more and he'd be happy but I have no intentions of gaining anything... I'm happy where I'm at... It's about me not him!

Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I did and it's driving me crazy! I haven't had this issue before and when I have been through other high stress things I didn't gain. What the heck??? One more thing to blame on the cheating!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 489 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have lost about 20 pounds in 10 months...most of which I attribute to regular exercise in an effort to work through my anger and pain. I also have reduced appetite.

I am within 5 pounds of my highschool weight. I would buy new pants but have spent all of my extra money on MC sessions, a weekend workshop, and countless books!

I would prefer to be happy and in shape...but being unhappy and having other people comment on how good I am looking helps my mood improve. Oh to be happy again...

I know...I am a guy...and the whole weight thing does not affect me as it does women. Just wanted to mention it is not strictly a "woman" issue.

I am curious what my cholesterol is doing....has been really high and have been told weight loss can have a beneficial affect on cholesterol.

At the end of the day....the actual stress of this trauma and ITS negative affect on our body is much more of a player then our weight loss journey.

I see how I have aged, how my wife has aged...during this. We LOOK like we have aged several years since 1 year ago....i don't mind getting older, but do think there is a co-relation between this outward aging process and internal degradation.

Now I see I have gotten into a dark spot again.....where are those dang twinkies?!?!?!

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3981 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know...I am a guy...and the whole weight thing does not affect me as it does women. Just wanted to mention it is not strictly a "woman" issue.

I don't think it's a woman issue - men have bodies too and I'm sure y'all have body issues, they're just different than ours. My dad, husband, and brother all bemoan their skinny calves while I'm thinking, if ANYTHING on me were skinny I'd brag! But seriously, this question was for both the mars and venus people.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Topic Posts: 40
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