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Newest Member: nadines13 (44587)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 180 question- help!
Chloe1997
♀ New Member
Member # 39840
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all,

I can't believe how much the 180 is working. I really do think so much more clearly and am not standing for the manipulation. Haven't had a hysterical crying jag all week, playing with my little girl again and able to focus on school.

All that said how do I respond to his lame ass attempts to connect with me? He says he is not engaging with her but he is also not agreeing to NC I.e. he will send back one word to her longs texts, he doesn't call her but takes her calls. It's just not good enough for me so I told him when he was able to cut her off completely we could talk R until then not interested.

Anyway he texted me today, "hello, hope you have a nice day"

WTF? Do you think I should acknowledge his effort (lame as it is!) or ignore?


Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Nyc
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi chloe1997, you're doing great honey...


Ignore.... kids and finances only, no chit chat, no "have a nice day"..

The truth is, unless he's all in, you're all out, there might be a chance of nice days if he goes NC and devotes all his energy to you.

Until then, if he has any form of contact with her, he hasn't let her go, and you're still having to share him. Not acceptable.

Hugs honey, stick to the 180, you'll feel better for it.



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2009
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. . . He needs to be all in. NC is non-negotiable. He is hoping to have his cake and eat it too.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore!!

If you acknowledge his lame attempt, then he will tell himself that you are fine, he's a nice guy, and everything between you is "friendly." His lame attempt is about him, not about you and your nice day.

You sound like you are doing great with the 180. Keep on being strong!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5747 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a term we use, when a BS tries to get us to break our 180 or NC by fishing attempts like "Have a nice day," etc. It's crickets. As in let there be no sound but the sound of crickets churping in the background. No communication back let him hear nothing but crickets.

So, give him crickets. The sound of silence.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4677 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Chloe1997
♀ New Member
Member # 39840
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's kind of what I thought but just needed a nudge! The worst part is when I first saw the text I was happy cause he never does that and I thought it was nice that he was thinking of me. It's like all of a sudden he remembers I exist, just doesn't care enough to really try to make it work. 180 all the way! Thanks as always :)


Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Nyc
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The truth is, unless he's all in, you're all out

Exactly! You're doing great! There isn't anything easy about any of this trauma.

He's probably confused that you aren't praising his lame attempts at NC with OW, any form of contact, even eye, is not ok, he won't get it until your hard 180 hits him & hits him hard.

Have you set any boundaries? Such as "ANY contact with OW & you may find yourself looking to live elsewhere!"
Or warn him you are very willing to file & do it if you have to, it doesn't mean you have to follow through with an actual divorce. It's amazing how many WS's snap out of the affair fog when they realize they are about to lose everything!

Good luck, you're doing great!


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Topic Posts: 7

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