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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling like an outsider because I'm alone
heartbroken30
♀ Member
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling this way a lot lately. I have great friends but sometimes I feel like I am not included in things because I am not part of a couple. Last month there was a party that my good friend was having for her husband. She invited all of our mutual friends (all couples) and their families. She even told me about it. But I wasn't invited.

This week, I am on vacation. My good friend and her family is here as well. There is another family here that she is good friends with that I have met but don't know that well. I have been included in some of the plans but i almost feel like I am intruding, like I'm an afterthought. They have posted Facebook pics together of the families. I am not included.. Maybe I am being silly and over sensitive. I just feel so alone sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be included in everything. I don't know, lm just feeling really sad tonight.


Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9
Divorced

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((heartbroken))))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, those are some really insensitive folks.

I'm sorry heartbroken.

You aren't an outsider, they are just acting like jerks. Perhaps they don't realize it, but still, they should do better.

Can you start looking to make new friends, particularly with some other singles?


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
heartbroken30
♀ Member
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs. I really need them tonight.

Hurtinky...I don't think they mean it...just maybe not realizing it. At least I hope so. I just feel like maybe sometimes I'm not even thought of because its just me and my kids? Does that make sense? I am included in things that are just the girls or with our kids. That's how I have made most of my friends, through my kids. It's hard to make friends where I live, not many single people my age in my community. I don't know many divorced people. I know this will pass, just feel lonely.


Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9
Divorced

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, those are some really insensitive folks.

No kidding. From what you describe, I think you need to start looking for some new friends for your new life. NOT people that come tagging into your life because of your kids.....friends of YOU!

Your kids will grow up and leave home. You need to have people in your life that are there for you in spite of your kids....not because of your kids.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
burnt_toast
♀ Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couples dine with couples.
Families do stuff with families.
Singles hang out with singles.

It's a harsh truth : friendship is very often circumstancial.

A lot of people are not really in relationships, they are using others as mirrors. You tell me about your projects, I tell you about my similar project. We think we have a conversation. We are talking to ourselves through others.

The people who stopped including me once my life was not like theirs did me a favor. I don't want mirrors in my life. I want people who care.

5 years later it's better. I'm newly single again and I don't experiment so much of this.

I know it feels awful righ now.

There is no magical way around this. Let you relationships trim by themsleves. Don't hold on to people who won't include you. Cultivate budding friendships with people that get you and you find equally interesting. Perhaps try to meet other single parents.

Yes, friendship is mostly cicumstancial but sometimes it is a good thing. Humans are not static. We evolve and become different persons through life events. It's only normal that our relationship circle evolves when we do. We might get a lot from a relationshionship then move on once it's run its course. Sometimes it takes 10 years and sometimes just one. Then it makes space for new relationships that suit the person we've become. And life goes on.

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:17 PM, July 27th (Saturday)]


It is what it is.

Posts: 4681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a couple I've known for over 30 years. They include me with joy whenever we get together, which is not enough because they live in my old home town.

True friends will include you and consider you family.

These folks? I dunno.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
Celebrating 60 years on Earth

Posts: 16634 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((heartbroken))) What would happen if you told your good friend how you feel? She may not realize what she is doing and may not realize that she is hurting your feelings by not including you in things. People can't read our minds...and they can't make changes if we don't tell them what we need. I wouldn't expect your good friend's friend to be aware of the situation, but your good friend can be told...

If nothing changes after you've told her your feelings, then you have an answer...until then, keep your chin up and invite yourself to things this vacation. And, I don't know maybe photobomb their pictures??


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 2825 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
AgainandAgain
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry heartbroken. I know how you feel. I'm married and have all married friends. They get together all the time and our family is never invited. I have no idea why. However, when they need something, I'm the first person they ask because of why my husband does for a living. I always tell them I can't help them or just don't respond like they do to me

It's sad that people are like this. Its not you I'm sure. They are being very hurtful though. Have you ever asked why you aren't invited or involved? I don't know if you are the soft spoken type but if you aren't, you can maybe ask them in an inquisitive manner


Posts: 206 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 9

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