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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What the hell I thought we were happy
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess what I got today after 8 years??? Flowers!!
I'm so freaking happy I feel like a stupid teenager.
The note in it says"this is only the beginning love x."

I told him it doesn't even begin to make up for it. But it's a good start.


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess what I got today after 8 years??? Flowers!!
I'm so freaking happy I feel like a stupid teenager.
The note in it says"this is only the beginning love x."

I told him it doesn't even begin to make up for it. But it's a good start.


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
blindsided03
♀ Member
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain!! My idiot stbxh did the same things. I used to get pretty and try to make love to him; he always rejected me. We'd been married only seven months and already gone about four without having sex. I later found out that he is into transsexuals and cougars, which are two things I am not. It turns out that he didn't want sex with me because of his weird perversions. It isn't anything about how we look; it's about how he feels about himself. Sometimes, i wish I wouldve been the one who had the affair; I feel like I earned it for all the shit I put up with. I'm so glad it's over. I just want to be free.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
blindsided03
♀ Member
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any chance he told you because the OW threatened to tell on him? Is there any chance that she misses him and he doesn't want to go back to her, so he's doing a preemptive strike here? That would be my thought--someone found out and threatened to tell you. There's no good other reason. I'm sorry. My EX-guy is total crap, too.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
blindsided03
♀ Member
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any chance he told you because the OW threatened to tell on him? Is there any chance that she misses him and he doesn't want to go back to her, so he's doing a preemptive strike here? That would be my thought--someone found out and threatened to tell you. There's no good other reason. I'm sorry. My EX-guy is total crap, too.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So just an update. I finally got a time line from him the EA started around July of 2008 ( when I was 5 mo prego) the PA was 3 months until right before my daughter was born the the EA continued/ fizzled out by July of 2009.
He has given me a why as to the lack of sex and it is a horrible mix of Madonna/whore complex mixed with past failed serious relationships- it took him 4 hours and a LOT of tequila to explain it but it's a why I can come to accept.
He also sees the damage it did to our relationship and has corrected it (at least I hope so I know it could just be HB so we will see). But he makes the effort to initiate sex a few times a week.
He has also given me a bit of a why he had the affair again it took hours to explain but the just of it is they had already "connected" (which he understands now wasn't real) bc of their ER jobs and the horrible things they experienced that combined with the fear of intimacy/ Madonna
/whore complex while I was pregnant and a feeling of entitlement/selfishness and the extreme fear of losing another baby ( he has lost a total of 3 between me and prior relationships) the sex was "easy" in that it was a physical release with no real feelings in it. It was an EA in that he shared things with her he shouldn't have but he always new he loved me not her and told her that I would always come first no matter what and it was just sex. She was just coming out of a divorce so she wanted something "easy" to. Comparable to a "friends with benefits" except that he was fucking married.

He sees and understands why and how it happened and that he can never be " just friends" with someone again.

I brought up how flirty and touchy feely he was ( he has noticeably stopped those behaviors a few years ago) and he admitted he was wrong and because of prior life experiences felt the need to be a KISA for everyone especially females. He owned up to all the females he was inappropriate with ( most I already knew about or saw and when I brought up then it was wrong I was made to feel like a bitch for being uncaring.
We have been over many of the situations and he has fully admitted he was wrong in hugging them rubbing their backs flirting etc etc.He also has apologized for making me feel bad about it.

He knows he still has a lot of work ahead of him and I am still miserable dealing with it all and most days I'm still horribly depressed and pissed but at least it's a start


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, October 3rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad that you and your WH are doing well.

Masturbation and porn can re-wire a mans sexual response. Which for you can equate to no sex or unsatisfying weird sex. Talk about frustrating!

He really needs to stop cold turkey so that he can find his way back to being a loving sexual partner for you.

And that takes time...!

Hang in there.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my H finally got a full work up and his testosterone is normal. I know things are better but it makes me feel like shit. I was hoping at least SOME of it was medical but nope it's all him being fucked up in the head. He's thrilled with the news and doesn't get why I feel worse.

Oh yeah and in order to get the test done for insurance purposes it had to be documented in the chart as " lack of interest and desire for spouse" which I know isn't true HB is in full force but I still feel horrible.


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Completelybroken, it might have been easier if he had a medical condition, but look at it this way: if he works on himself, he can fix his problem. If it were a medical problem, he'd have the problem for life and have to take a pill.

Glad you're in HB still. When it is over, he may go back to the infrequent sex again. Have you discussed his use of porn and masturbation?

I say "used" because I believe, as some, that they are both addictive and can be destructive to the person using them, as well as their M.

a big hug for you(((((Completelybroken)))))

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Topic Posts: 49
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