He's obviously still pissed off that I have very little idea of how I could have done it. He feels that I should have come out of this affair with a disertation of the reason, but I am at a loss. I know it has to do with [a bunch of things].
One of the hardest questions for me to answer is "How could you do that?" Like you, I can list a bunch of things about myself that contributed to it, but I can't point to one thing and say, "There. That's the reason. That's the flaw in myself that allowed me to betray my wife even though I knew it would hurt her horribly." The best I can do is try to explain how I can be sure I won't do it again, but the credibility of those explanations is destroyed by my inability to answer the question, "How could you do that?" All I can do is to keep working on my own shit. Maybe some day I'll have a complete answer. But not yet.