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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Embarrassing but I don't know where else to share
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sick of having to replace things i lost in the separation.

The depression medication I was on stopped working, so I switched. My current medication's side effect of anorgasmia had me feeling frustrated with my general means, so I went to my hiding place and my item was missing. Which pissed me off. I don't know what's worse, that OW and WW may have "it" and are enjoying it together, or that I may have inadvertently lost it in the move. I am financially screwed by the pending divorce so I can't afford to replace "it". And I was the one who bought "IT" in the first place!

And I don't want the complications of finding release with another person. Frankly I just want to live like a hermit.
This sucks.

On top of that, WW refuses to send my share of an escrow check to my lawyer, and I keep seeing her around town. Divorce blows.


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry, dwellz.

Feel free to vent.

I know it doesn't help for the immediate furture, but keep on putting one foot in front of the other and it will get better.

Can you switch medications to one that doesn't cause anorgasmia?

Random question, but how did you catch them in the "driveway?" I assume they were in a car in the driveway?


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I would rather take no medication, but I wanted to give it a shot, per MD recommendation. I have a follow up appointment in a month, so if it continues, I will address it then.

They were passionately kissing in OWs truck. I was taking out the trash. I stood and watched for a minute because I couldn't believe my eyes, then I knocked on the window and they both looked at me horrified. I had just walked out a few minutes before and they had waved to me, so I was especially shocked that they were brazen enough to do that. Goes to show that WS really didn't want to be in the marriage. I wish she would have told me that before we bought a house and got married!


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ughh... I'm so sorry.

Are you guys doing an in house separation?


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sucks.

My XH took all of the sex toys when he moved out. Like you, I didn't realize it until a bit later...

I still have no idea why he took them. Was he using them with OW?? Were they trophies? or was it supposed to be punishment for me?

It's crazy no matter how you look at it...


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We started off with an in-house separation, but I moved out in April, after she started bringing OW to the house while I was there.

I wouldn't be surprised if OW searched through my stuff and took it. She made it a point to be there while I was moving out my stuff, and to say "I love you" to WS loud enough for me to hear. Jerk.


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I totally support the advice to adjust your meds, I will attempt to give you some additional, practical advice for the short term: if you've seen the movie "The 40 year old Virgin" go back to the scene with the girl who is in her jacuzzi. She suggests that a particular household item is her "friend" (I think that's the term she used).

You might already have the solution right in your bathroom.


BS / D

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jun 2013
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ewwwwww, creepy that it would be taken and used with OW!!! Not sure why this would "shock" me given that the whole getting naked with an OW is bad enough, but this just feels like a whole other level of ewwwww...

sorry dwellz, my sympathy.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking if I win the lottery, I'd buy a billboard right next to her office that says "adulteress" and a recognizable rendering of her face.

I'm hoping that we might be able to get the marriage annulled in the state where we were married since it isn't legal here.

Who knows. Hopefully the lawyers will get back to me soon. Until then, I search for quarters with which to buy lotto tickets...


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the billboard fantasy too! I was going to post his Craigslist ad, complete with contact information. But the photos weren't "suitable" for the public. And I realized that our sons could read.

But it was a fun fantasy!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I'm understanding this correctly, WX and OW took your personal goodies?

That is incredibly fucking foul. Seriously, wtf would use another persons's items?

As for replacements, Adam & Eve is a good source ...


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd; free of the overgrown baby
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 634 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks dwellz. The anorgasmia hits me from my antidepressants as well. You just reminded me of an item from the marital "sex box" that would help me along.

I sent an email to The Princess asking about it, and she was only to happy to say she'll bring it next time. Thank God!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't have much in the way of "equipment" - but apparently MOW enjoyed my used sex toys anyway - my WH.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ewwwwww.....

On the topic of replacing other things - and you're right, it sucks, try to explore minimalism a little bit. I have been quite happy to move only a few small things and to not get too attached to objects.

At the same time, I've looked to the internet, goodwill, craigslist, groupon, and yard sales for replacing objects. Largely, I've focused on making things "mine" - it's not a shared object.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15133 | Registered: Jun 2006
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtbs, I can not read your post without thinking of the original topic. I KNOW you said "other" things, but still... As if anyone would look for a replacement object on Craigslist.

Oh, wait. My ex did. That is where he found the OW.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have actually embraced a more minimalist lifestyle- what I've been irritated to replace is things that you take for granted when you have, like spoons and can openers, and spices. More irritating when she asked for help to boil water, the first time she touched the stove was 6 years into the relationship. So you need my spices so OW can cook for you? Doesn't she have her OWN house?? With a POOL? Live there!
But alas. I am slowly replacing only what I need.
And getting rid of everything I don't...
Thanks for letting me vent. I SO needed this!


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get a sick sense of gratification that the toys he took/kept were mine first.

Still eeeewwwwwwwwww is right.

We deserve new stuff.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
dwellz
♀ New Member
Member # 37126
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE: I found a can opener! :D
Not the aforementioned item that started this rant in the first place, but it's a start...

Looking forward to my appointment with my MD. Apart from finding the can opener, I've been generally bummed. No other news to report. For now...


DDay 10/12/12 -walked in on PA in driveway
Separated
S 2/6 WS surprised me after MC
*keepin on keepin on*

Posts: 37 | Registered: Oct 2012
chikastuff
♀ Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

$20 silver bullet, you can get one on Amazon.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 19

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