Yes, I have this wish too, NWOF. But it's bitten me in the past, in a really big and painful ways, so I don't generally bother to contact him anymore.
It makes me have withdrawal symptoms so that I am never really free of pain, but those are pains I trust, in an odd way. They are consistent and constant and something I can understand. The pain from him, not so much.
Every time I am tempted to write something, I make myself remember enough pain he has caused me but without it being a trigger. It's really hard sometimes, but just remembering a feeling of that pain makes me put the electronics back down again.
Remembering who he has become, in current times, helps, too. He's not my friend, he doesn't give a damn about me and I get that now. He too, was once my best friend and confidant and if I speak to him now, he has thrown things I say back in my face. Another lesson.
So this is how I find the strength, though its a lot harder when I am low.
I, too, had hoped to be not friends, but civil, is the word that comes to mind. I feel all these things in my mind and the bitterness and anger, but do not say them. I have a friend who does and it's really, really terrible to hear and a lesson for me.
So, FWIW, I do not contact nearly ExH no matter what...I go to great length not to and I pat myself on the back every time I've stopped myself.Ashland 13
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.