I went back and read your previous posts Sunset. Sorry you are here, it's the worst club to join.
I see that you have been given some good advice in your other posts. Here are some of my thoughts.
First, I like the tone of your posts, it seems like you are heading in the right direction.
I have seen it hundreds of times on here...people trying to nice their spouse back. You can't do it, it won't work. IMO, in a situation like this, the only thing that works is the shock and awe approach.
This waffling on her part is bull-shit and she is living in a fantasy land. It's time to blow that up. Out her to her family. If the AP has a wife, you need to let her know. The quickest way to bring her fantasy land crashing down is the truth, and exposing the dirty secret.
Go see a lawyer, find out what your rights are. Either let her know you are filing or just file for divorce and have her served. This was a huge wake-up call for my wife. She doesn't get to decide whether to stay or go, you make that decision, and the way she is behaving right now..that decision should be 'get the f out.'
Keep following the 180. Exercise, try to sleep, try to do stuff for yourself that you enjoy. I know how terrible this time of your life is, we all have been there.
Take heart that it does eventually get better.
Finally, come down to the betrayed Menz thread in "I can relate" There is a ton of guy wisdom down there, and many of us have all experienced this same behavior. (including myself...and yes I begged and pleaded at the beginning too).