Sometimes the barrier comes as a result of being open with your partner. At the end, the X hated my ability to take charge and my self-sufficiency, even though he deferred almost every decision to me. He loved being a KISA, and I just didn't need to be saved. I know this because he told me.
I don't regret being myself, and I'll never subjugate myself for another person, but I now know that I can't control what other people think of me. As Popeye said, "I yam what I yam."