Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: another post, how would this make you feel???
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H repeatedly uses this phrase as a comfort??

"no one is hurting you now"

When he says that immediately my gut says, "no one??"

It wasn't "no one", it was you, you hurt me.

This wasn't some random act of cruelty from a stranger. This was you choosing to hurt me.

Am I being overly sensitive?

Would this bother anyone else?

It just bugs me. I hate when he says this.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1092 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. That would bother me. I've been reading your posts all morning. Imo...your wh hasn't owned anything in regards to his a. The fact that he can't even say "I" when he discusses why you hurt is proof of that. I'm so sorry for your pain, and unfortunately, he is compounding it with his denial and rugsweeping. (((Cantaccept)))


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive read your posts. He doesn't get it. He still is engaging in wayward thinking..he doesn't seem to have any idea as to what he has done to you or the marriage.

No one is hurting you NOW? Um..he is..right? He's being insensitive and cruel. He's telling you it's "not all bout you and your pain." And you're very early on in this process. It IS about you and your pain and the shit he has pulled. What is is NOT about is his selfishness and memememememe attitude.

What is he DOING to show you he wants to R? Not what is he saying..what are his actions telling you?


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6648 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again thank you.

I doubt myself constantly, wonder if I am being difficult.

It helps to know others would feel the same, I feel as if I am being so selfish.

Then I worry that I am failing to protect myself again.

Just feels like too many issues all at once. An avalanche.

Facing who he is, facing what I contributed, realizing that I have lived my whole life without ever stopping to think about me and what I deserve.

It is a hard concept for me, everytime I think "i am worth this" I feel guilty for being so selfish.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013

attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1092 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, that would really bug me. tons.

It is like he is trying to disassociate himself from your pain, and , kinda talk down to you like your crazy for this present pain of yours (look baby, there's no monster in the closet, go to sleep).

I'd be boiling, I would.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that would bother me, too. A lot. You're NOT being overly sensitive. Pretty normal reaction.

Stay strong.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
The hard part: They still work together.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard that a lot, too.

From what mine did, I now have a panic disorder and severe anxiety problems.

Your husband is being hugely invalidating. He needs to get over himself so you can get over his affair.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Him just saying, "no one is hurting you now" hurts you in itself. That's just mind boggling.

Posts: 4549 | Registered: Dec 2010
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you are not alone...i would feel the exact same way as you.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 1 baby
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bitchboots

Posts: 907 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
myperfectlife
♀ Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS has said "I just want you to heal/be happy/smile."
My response?
That's not going to happen for a long time no matter what the outcome is for our M.
"no one is hurting you now"
simple response: it hasn't stopped hurting from before...


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC's occasionally tell me this, too. They're really big on focusing on the now and not the past for some reason. I feel your pain.


Me-BW 35. STBXH-35,active alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 little boys. M 6yrs T13.
Year+ false R & TT from Dday1 Nov 2012 IEA - Feb 2014 count at 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) for 3 years that I know of.
Filed for D.

Posts: 816 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an ass. That's just another way of saying "get over it". 2-5 years. If he can't stand the heat, why did he start the fire?

Strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.