Thanks again very much to everyone for the support. It helps me to not feel so crazy.
The truth is that I don't feel that WH has ever really owned what he did----he basically blameshifted his A stating that OW threw herself on him & that it was because our marriage was so bad at the time.
WH did say tonight that the fact that 2 yrs later I still don't trust him is a consequence of what he did, but his tone implies that there is something wrong with me that I am not over this yet.
I have tried to point out to him that we would be further along in our R if not for the following:
1. The fact that he still works in the same building as OW ( I don't care if he says he never sees her, how do I really know that is true?)
2. The fact that after Dday, he continued lying & contact with OW for months; refused to write a NC letter
3. Has not been 100% transparent---part of that is my fault, because I didn't insist strongly enough; also he erased all the TMs between them so I will never know if his version of what happened is the truth
He is doing some of what he should be doing, but not all;
he did sell the affair car; he does talk more;he did read 1 book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal"; he does go to MC weekly;
he doesn't want to go to IC, he doesn't want to read anything else; he doesn't want to come back to this site, & I know he doesn't really want to talk about it anymore-----I can just read his mind when I bring it up ( which I have consciously tried not to do for awhile)
"There she goes again."
Tonight he stated: "time heals all wounds"---so I guess that is his plan, to sweep things under the rug & hope it goes away in time. He would really love to pretend that it never happened.
How about :
the number one priority of the WS is to heal the BS?