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Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WH caught me checking up on him
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people on this site seem to have been able to move on to a better place faster than I am.
I feel like there is something wrong with me that I still feel so hurt,angry,suspicious a lot of the time.

Try not to compare yourself to others here. There is a range of time for healing...2-5 years? And that is if the WH is doing all they can to help the BS heal...yours is not.
and maybe I have been letting him get off the hook too easy by not insisting on certain things

Don't take that on either. Even if you were tougher on him, it is up to HIM to do the right things. It is not your job to be his policewoman, or mother.
To me, we are in a different relationship now.

Does he, in his little boy mind, realize this? (sorry to be snarky, but his behavior ticks me off right now)

hugs for you (((((mchercheur)))))

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again very much to everyone for the support. It helps me to not feel so crazy.
The truth is that I don't feel that WH has ever really owned what he did----he basically blameshifted his A stating that OW threw herself on him & that it was because our marriage was so bad at the time.

WH did say tonight that the fact that 2 yrs later I still don't trust him is a consequence of what he did, but his tone implies that there is something wrong with me that I am not over this yet.

I have tried to point out to him that we would be further along in our R if not for the following:

1. The fact that he still works in the same building as OW ( I don't care if he says he never sees her, how do I really know that is true?)
2. The fact that after Dday, he continued lying & contact with OW for months; refused to write a NC letter
3. Has not been 100% transparent---part of that is my fault, because I didn't insist strongly enough; also he erased all the TMs between them so I will never know if his version of what happened is the truth

He is doing some of what he should be doing, but not all;
he did sell the affair car; he does talk more;he did read 1 book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal"; he does go to MC weekly;
he doesn't want to go to IC, he doesn't want to read anything else; he doesn't want to come back to this site, & I know he doesn't really want to talk about it anymore-----I can just read his mind when I bring it up ( which I have consciously tried not to do for awhile)
"There she goes again."

Tonight he stated: "time heals all wounds"---so I guess that is his plan, to sweep things under the rug & hope it goes away in time. He would really love to pretend that it never happened.

How about :
the number one priority of the WS is to heal the BS?

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 22
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