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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Something has changed
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This weekend was our annual weekend away with friends. It is 19 families, with a total of 37 kids. The kids have a blast, we stay in cabins, have a washer toss tournament, scavenger hunt for the kids, campfires, boating, swimming,..etc.

This is the first year I have gone since I have separated from my ex. I brought the new BF. Everyone was very pleasant and accepting but something was wrong. It had changed.

I no longer felt like part of the group. I am not much of a drinker, so I don't stay up late and get loaded (especially not with a child around). It is hard to put my finger on it, but it is like my friends are still my friends but I have some how changed.

I don't get invited to all their events anymore, I am no longer one of the regulars. I felt that start to fall apart when were separating.

It is sad, DS had a blast, but I couldnt' wait for it to get over. I wasn't comfortable. It was so strange.

It is like my life has completely changed in every aspect. I am not unhappy but I feel so out of place. It left me disjointed or something, I am a little sad about the loss.

[This message edited by ninebark at 10:55 AM, July 29th (Monday)]


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ninebark)),

You stated something very clearly that I have felt with certain former friends but could not articulate as well.

There are certain people whom I still like very much but I don't feel the connection anymore. My outlook on life, the things that are important to me now after going through this experience, the new man in my life - it seems it does not quite fit anymore.

With some of these friends I have decided to let go. I will still be friendly with them and maybe meet up once in a while and reach out to them for birthdays etc but it seems it is time to move on from that part of my life as well.

Hugs to you; grieving those old friendships is all part of it. But it sounds like you are moving on to something new...



Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad that I moved after D-day. New people I meet know me as "single cmego", not "former Mrs. cmego". I have made very few new married girlfriends...they simply cannot relate to my life. They can't talk dating, or single mom-ness, or issues with co-puppet.

You have changed, your identity changed when you go through a s/d. It isn't wrong...just...different.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have made very few new married girlfriends...they simply cannot relate to my life. They can't talk dating, or single mom-ness, or issues with co-puppet.


Exactly! My two best friends have both been through break ups and are or have been a single parent at some time. They both have issues with their ex's. So they understand the place I am in and can commisserate.

I can tell the others are a little uncomfortable asking me about my ex, even though I am happy to talk to them about him. We are at a point in our life where we have moved on with our lives and animosity is minmal.

At one point they started talking about another couple in the group that split. It suddenly got so quiet and serious, like they didn't want anyone to hear. I thought "is this how they talked about me?" and suddenly it got very uncomfortable. I have been very careful not to talk about Ex as he is their friend too and I didn't want to make anyone feel bad. But they were so hush hush about it. It floored me. IT was at that point I realized that I really don't fit in anymore.

It is hard to let go. I like all of these people but it just isn't working. I am not who I used to be and I can't pretend to be anymore.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is hard to let go. I like all of these people but it just isn't working. I am not who I used to be and I can't pretend to be anymore.

No need to let go, just donít force it. People have a habit of coming back into orbit. Sometimes circumstances will force them to relate, or better still, they realize they can relate on different terms.


Posts: 3445 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just throwing this out there, but could it be that they were uncomfortable that you are not yet D but already have a steady BF? Some people have a problem with this.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, July 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just throwing this out there, but could it be that they were uncomfortable that you are not yet D but already have a steady BF? Some people have a problem with this.

I can see where this might happen, but I don't think this was the case as they have met him many times before and I know that we have been seperated for several years. It was just the first time we came on this particular camping trip. Like I said, they didn't treat him differently, I think it was more me than them in this case.

HOwever they did invite me to less things in the beginning. I have told them that I have no issue to them inviting Ex to any events and that there will be no tension, but perhaps they weren't so sure of that.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 7

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