Anyway to get to the point, I made some enquiries about divorce at the citizen advice bureau and they told me I could not divorce her for adultery because it is more than six months ago since I found out !! She does not want a divorce so there is nowhere to go, I could leave the house and home I took thirty years to build and pay for, but that would apparently help her case to stay there. Help ! someone must have been in this situation it seems I am being penalised for trying to make it work !
I live in the UK so maight be different elsewhere ?
[This message edited by bobtail at 11:29 AM, July 29th (Monday)]
But in all the states here you don't have to have a reason to file for divorce. You simply file for "irreconcilable differences" and that's that. Your spouse cannot prevent you from divorcing him or her.
Do you need to cite adultery if you file for divorce? Do you need to prove "fault"?
"Personality differences" is another phrase I've heard of in filing.
In some places, too, if you have sex after or during an out-of-house separation, you are considered starting over-either way-d or r- and previous separations null and void.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
I'm sorry you're in such a dreadful situation and hope you will find some answers to what you are seeking.
I'd rather toss all of that for a shot at real happiness
She should have thought of that before she reneged on her promises made in order to R
i'd say happiness is overrated anyway. more than happiness how about some calm, how about being with someone who is safe for you and for the M? someone who doesnt bring hope a STD or a probable bunny boiler, or worse into your lives/home. at least someone who knows and respects commitment or just plain humanness or sincerity. every reneging of promises since dday, every step in adultery are just notches in how little she thinks of you as a human, let alone probably the most important person in her life. its not happiness I'd recommend you seek; it would be self-respect, calmness, some dignity maybe. her continued remorselessness could break you mentally, could cause you untold continued misery and with no safety in her being M'd to you, I'd say opens the door wide for worse yet to come (hopefully not).
Better to be broke and happy then to be comfortable and miserable.
I think Bobtail needs advice on how to divorce without losing his house/assets to his wife and to her (perhaps) future lover. These are assets he's invested in and paid for that are important for his stability and retirement.
Housing in the UK is among the most expensive in the world, and losing his home to her (rewarding her, in his view, no doubt) or losing half of the 30 years of equity in it to her if a divorce would force a sale or buyout, may not provide him the funds to find new housing with money left over to provide a comfortable life in retirement years, and to be able to feel like a good dad capable of helping a son or daughter pay for a wedding, help a son/daughter with a car purchase or home down payment, or give grandchildren gifts and treats or have a home large enough for room for the grandkids to visit, play and enjoy holidays with him.
Yes, being broke IS worse than being broken when it's close to retirement age (assuming abuse is not involved, which is an exception). You're still broken from losing one's marriage as it was, the memories and trust, but with a world of financial trouble and insecurity falling on top of your already broken self.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 7:36 AM, July 30th (Tuesday)]
They are right you can't divorce on the grounds of adultery now but you could go for unreasonable behaviour and it could be included in there. I am not 100% sure how much evidence you need to give but it will need to be water tight if she is going to contest. You need legal advice, you can usually get an initial consultation for free and go from there. They will tell you what to do.
Best of luck
I am married to a compulsive liar
---> from uk gov website
Your husband or wife had sex with someone else of the opposite sex, and you can no longer bear to live with them.
You canít give adultery as a reason if you lived with your husband or wife for 6 months after you found out about it.
Your husband or wife behaved so badly that you can no longer bear to live with them. This could include:
Physical violence,verbal abuse, eg insults or threats drunkenness or drug-taking refusing to pay for ousekeeping (but not adultery it seems)
Your husband or wife has left you without your agreement, without a good reason, to end your relationship for more than 2 years in the past 2Ĺ years
You can still claim desertion if you have lived together for up to a total of 6 months in this period.
You can get a divorce if youíve lived apart for more than 2 years and both agree to the divorce but your husband or wife must agree in writing.
Living apart for more than 5 years is usually enough to get a divorce, even if your husband or wife disagrees with the divorce.