WIthout reprinting it here, it has left me cold. She writes about how bad she feels, that her behavior was not acceptable (to her), she does say she doesn't expect "forgiveness or even understanding" of what she did, but that she is profoundly sorry.
She wishes us well, but I don't feel real remorse there -- perhaps because it is only 6 weeks out. Part of me wants to say "Fail - try again in 6 months." I told my husband in his letter he should offer what he is doing to change and grow, and he also wrote that he is NC, etc. with her. I got none of that from her -- is that normal?
I know it is the modus operendi of OW to lie, but all I got from her letter was that she was shallow and self-pitying. She also referenced a song she wanted me to look up to explain how hard it is for her to express her regret. Seriously? Are we 13?
SIgh. Anyway. Not sure what it all means.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 2:24 PM, July 29th (Monday)]
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
She is talking about HER? Haha.
You probably have not even absorbed the extent of what happened.
She needs to do what actually helps you and that is to stfu and never come back to try and alleviate HER bad feelings.
She was a childhood friend, no one I thought much about ever but her apology was also all about HER which seems to be the problem with our own WS's and the OP's to begin with!!!!!
I still have feelings of hatred toward her, apology or not it will take a LONG time to get over.
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
She writes about how bad she feels, that her behavior was not acceptable (to her), she does say she doesn't expect "forgiveness or even understanding" of what she did, but that she is profoundly sorry.
IMO that's about as good as it will get. Unless you want to continue a friendship with her (which I highly doubt), the most important remorse that you need to feel is from your WH right?
What she's doing to change and grow is irrelevent to you so long as she leaves you and your family alone.
The song thing? meh.
Really, the only thing that would work for me is if they could unfuck the donkey. Can't be done, so an apology from OW just falls. way. too. short.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
At this point, maintain NC.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
But meanwhile, it's OK to vent. And at least you got an apology, however pathetic, which is more than most of us get!
And three years out, I still don't buy her apology. It wouldn't matter if she showed up tomorrow with a marching band, a flying banner, and the largest bouquet of flowers I've ever seen, I would not believe her. She took a 28 year friendship and turned it into the sickest joke ever. Carried on an affair with my H for almost 3 years, right in my face, right in my house, while my kids slept in the other room and I worked night shift.
When people on here say they would feel better if OW apologized, I tend to think they don't realize it isn't likely as they wouldn't believe anyway. I would be NC with that whole family, that is the best gift you can give yourself. She means nothing now, and you have to learn how to heal from this double betrayal. It isn't easy, but can be done with OW long gone from your lives.