Thank you stillliving!
Thanks for still being a part of this community after years of working through your trials. I appreciated your post and reading your well written profile...much of which resonates with me.
First, your whole shift to A for a BS makes total sense to me!
I just had a conversation with my wife last night on how I feel an internal core shift occurring in me. I have greatly reduced my long-term planning stance and am living more and more in the moment....spending money more freely, dancing in public with my daughters, driving faster, drinking more freely, hardly anything at work rattles me anymore...in a way I kinda think my original posting had to do with this shift. I cant say if my wife is moving towards B more...just not feeling an integral part of her journey yet...some of that has to do with my rage and anger towards her I am sure.
Speaking of anger...I also agree that is NOT a core part of anyone...it is a defense against hurt and fear. I am getting better at facing both of those and as I do I see the anger becoming manageable again. With it fading I can once again see the woman I fell in love with and chose to marry years ago.
Your whole 7-17 age range is spot on. This is absolutely when I developed my coping mechanisms and developed my definition of love...as did my wife. Both of us had, like many people, a divorced household with minimal to no dad involved...and moms working hard just to provide the basics. Much of our issue stems back to this age period. Not blaming, just recognizing. And, just like in your wifes case, those ways of coping carried us so far and then....well, here we are.
WE are here...trying to learn about each other, ourselves, and how we can interact in a more authentic, caring, loving supportive way.
Will I regret it in the morning. Good question to check up my actions and words. I will work on finding peace in times of internal turmoil so that I can do this effectively. I like the fact that you point out that the actual morning maybe sometime in the future and not the next day...
Patience...I see glimpses of this changing in me at the core...meaning I am gaining MORE patience. But this is harder and slower then the shift in A mentioned above...though each time I push into more patience it feels better and results in a more positive outcome...I am hoping this will snowball.
Thanks again for staying a part of this site even after the crisis part of your trials has past. It is so very comforting to get support from someone who has been there, done that. I know you are not out of the woods...but I appreciate all of the wisdom your pain has afforded you.
God be with you.