I know it still hurts, and you are dealing with all kinds of stress, but you will make it. How's the job hunt going? I would certainly make sure you get input from your attorney on how to proceed financially. It seems to me there is some fair lending clause about being left high and dry to protect SAHM's. I could be wrong, but......
You mentioned your depression a couple of times, but sister look at what you are doing, and havce done in the past couple of months. Now he is out of your home, and is STBXWH. Although it's hard, I am hearing ZERO depression from you. I hear a strong liberated woman, wonder if that depression was more from having to live with a NPD SA spouse.
Keep going, stay strong, love those kids, and find peace in the fact that you are limiting the drama in their lives.
If we do that, it might be better just to have us all live here with either him or I living in the basement. But I'm not sure how I'd feel about that either. Cannot, will not leave him alone with DD.
It's all just a bad idea. Letting the house go into foreclosure just started to look a lot better.
The whole suggestion just sounds odd to me. I definitely need some SI wisdom to help me evaluate this.
If I understand this so far, this is what we have:
1. You are a SAHM with no income;
2. You have filed for a divorce;
The question now is what to do about the house, school, etc.
1. House - you cannot afford to live there without your WH;
2. If he lives there he will get a roommate to help cover the mtg.
3. If you all live there, can he then cover the mortgage?
Is your daughter graduating from this school? If not, then it's a moot point - she will have to switch now or switch next year.
If there is the slightest chance that you will R, then you do not want to be moving the kids from school to school
Do you have any equity in this house? If so, you may want to put it on the market and sell it before the bank forecloses.
If you don't have much equity, then forget it, let the bank have it. It takes many many months to get someone out of their house on a foreclosure. You could live there for close to a year without paying any mortgage before you get evicted.
If you divorce, does your husband make enough to pay child support and maintenance so that you can live? Any child support you do get, will be for 3 children, but in 2 short years, one of those children will be 18 and CS will be down to 2 kids.
We owe more on our house than it is worth, it would need to be a short sale if we sell. Honestly, I'm leaning towards letting the bank foreclose. It seems to give us the best chance of finishing out the school year.
I've talked further with my parents about moving in with them. They are actually looking at it as a blessing in disguise. They had previously asked WH and I if we would be interested in having their house after they're gone (I have two older sisters who have no desire to move from their current places). They're wondering if I would be willing to live there long term and help 'take care' of them as they age. I'm not sure about committing to anything like that, but it does reassure me that we wouldn't be a burden.
It's a lot to process and WH's 'suggestion' threw me for a loop because I wasn't expecting it, plus the financial pressure I'm under. I may or may not move in with my folks, but I will NOT live under the same roof as STBXWH ever again.
Thanks for all the good advice and support. It really helps to hear from others who understand this emotional roller coaster.
[This message edited by Gemini71 at 8:24 PM, September 20th (Friday)]
However, STBXH said something that was bugging me this past week. He said, "Losing the house was the final nail in the coffin of his American Dream." Kinda pissed me off. He HAD the American Dream, and it wasn't enough for him.
So the last time we talked, I brought this up with him. I also mentioned something else he said that's been bugging me. He said, "You know about 95% of it." I flat out asked what could be worse than I already know? Being Mr. Communication (insert sarcasm), we basically played 20 questions. Turns out some of his 'acting out' behavior was with other men. Specifically oral sex. No biggie for me, but a huge issue for him. He's a pastor's kid so I can understand that he has issues with this and doesn't want to talk about it.
The only good part of this, is that I now accept that he truly has an addiction, one that causes him to act against his own best interests. While I 'knew' before that his A.s had nothing to do with me, now I fully 'accept' it. The personal bite of his betrayal is starting to fade. He would have cheated on anyone, no matter how much marital sex they had.
I hope he gets the help he needs, I truly do. But all I feel is pity for someone who is ruled so completely by his sexual urges.
As for me and my kids, we will move on to a better and brighter future.