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General :
Is it the 17 year itch??

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 myperfectlife (original poster member #39801) posted at 6:13 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

I am seeing a lot of people posting with 17 year marriages devastated by affairs.

Is it just me, or are there a lot of them?

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

posts: 452   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013
id 6427591
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sunflowergirl30 ( member #28979) posted at 6:18 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

at the time wh started his dumb fuckery we had been married 12yrs. together 15yrs.

we have now been together almost 20yrs and married almost 17yrs...

i dont think there is any 7 yr itch or 17yr itch just ws epic stupidity and selfishness at any given time.

First D-day May 2010, Last D-day Sept 2015. Filed for divorce Nov. 2015
Divorce final March 4, 2016

To many false R’s to mention. One to many affairs to list. Cheaters suck, suck the life right out of you, as they smile in your face..




posts: 1182   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 6427604
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BeyondBreaking ( member #38020) posted at 6:27 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

My grandma called grandpa's affair the "7 year itch." They were married for 33 years before he cheated and left her for my step-grandmother (who is 2 years older than my mom).

I don't know, I think it's just a phrase.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."

posts: 879   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2013
id 6427625
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jimbo25319 ( member #31891) posted at 8:52 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

My 19 year anniversary would have been in Sept.

posts: 486   ·   registered: Apr. 16th, 2011   ·   location: Maryland
id 6427880
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hurtincolorado ( new member #40001) posted at 9:16 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Colorado
id 6427919
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hurtincolorado ( new member #40001) posted at 9:16 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

21 years married when she began it. Two days before our 22nd anniversary I saw the texts on her phone that revealed the affair. Two days later my 4 kids threw a surprise anniversary party for us with all our friends over. Had to fake happiness. Later found out she called him the day of our anniversary (she said she called him to tell him it was over). I don't think there is a special timeline. i always thought the longer in a marriage the more secure but boy was I wrong.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Colorado
id 6427920
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tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 9:19 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

When I started, we had been together 17, married for 13. I have two GFs whose marriages also crumbled around that point in time (one was not due to infidelity). It's sad-- I naively thought that once you got that far into a relationship, you were doing pretty well. Clearly, my XWH wasn't thinking the same thing.

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

posts: 4079   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011
id 6427922
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 10:33 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Yes!!! Married 17 years. We lived together a couple years before getting married. Like a dumbass I posted our 20 years together sappy pic and status on FB - right while the fucker was cheating. That makes me sick now.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6428019
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Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 10:36 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Married 14, together 17. (now married 22)

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6428023
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Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 10:42 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Close enough for me. My wife started her affair just before (yes, just before ) our 16th anniversary, and got caught and ended the affair a couple of months before our 17th.

I think the reason why 17 years comes up so much is that it places the cheater around age 40, which seems to be prime affair time for so many people, men and women. Maybe it's more like a MLC than a 17 yr. itch.

BH
Reconciled

posts: 1995   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Southwest
id 6428028
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womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 10:47 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Sal1995 very astute

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

posts: 932   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6428031
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 10:50 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Yep I have had the same thought as Sal. One last hurrah before the looks fade. I even asked WH why he couldn't have gotten a convertible or some fake hair instead.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6428038
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Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 10:58 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Thanks WIF. My wife was actually the big 4-0 when she started her affair, as if she was trying to fit the MLC stereotype.

I think Tripletrouble put her finger on the problem - one last hurrah before the looks fade. My wife was stunned that at age 40 a man would pursue her with such passion and persistence. I complemented her looks frequently and quite sincerely, but I guess in her mind I was just saying what a husband is supposed to say to his wife. Never underestimate the toxic mix of aging and low self-esteem.

BH
Reconciled

posts: 1995   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Southwest
id 6428049
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womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 11:02 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

What Sal and Triple said fits right into the cliche. My husband pretty much was 40 when his 2 1/2 y affair started. He's got all sorts of lotions and potions to make him look/feel younger. He's an informercial marketing dream. Male menopause? There's a treatment sign me up!!!too bad there's no treatment for general dickheadedness.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

posts: 932   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6428056
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hurtincolorado ( new member #40001) posted at 11:42 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

All very true but what bs for the wayward to chalk it up to a MLC as if its a convertible or they dyed their hair. My MLC was to run a marathon and ride a road bike race for 500 miles. Why did hers have to be mounting someone? Thats not a MLC that is a mid life selfish act (MLSA) with devastating impacts.

posts: 38   ·   registered: Jul. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Colorado
id 6428128
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Scubachick ( member #39906) posted at 11:52 PM on Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

I noticed that too. I found out my husband was cheating within days of our 17 year anniversary.

posts: 1825   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2013
id 6428145
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 myperfectlife (original poster member #39801) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

Sal,

You may have a valid point. Although my stbxws is only 37. I told him if this wasn't an MLC then I didn't want to stick around for the "real" one.

And yes-MLC or no, no excuse for it.

I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

posts: 452   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013
id 6428157
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Sal1995 ( member #39099) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

I found out the hard way that when they are in affair mode, nothing is sacred. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine's Day...nothing. If there's a chance for a stolen moment and a romp in the hay with the AP, they'll take it.

BH
Reconciled

posts: 1995   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2013   ·   location: Southwest
id 6428158
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purplejacket4 ( member #34262) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

Yep together 15 years when it happened. I think though unless we had been together less than 4 years (you know during those sigh romantic early years) it would have happened at that time as fWS turned 45 and had a gigantic MLC.

Me: BS 50
Her: FWS 53 (both family med MDs; together 23 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
Limboconsiliationish
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

posts: 3013   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2011   ·   location: Here
id 6428160
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sudra ( member #30143) posted at 1:28 AM on Wednesday, July 31st, 2013

My husbands EA/PA started five months after our 17th anniversary. He had an EA prior to that and his boundaries were screwed up for who knows how long. Possibly an earlier affair...

Don't know, is my answer...

Me (BW) (5\64), Him(SAWH) (68)Married 31 years, 1 son (28), 1 stepdaughter (36) DDay #1 January 2004DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)Working on R

posts: 1876   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2010
id 6428246
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