Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: emptylostsoul (44611)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I suppose I wasn't clear enough.....
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't be silent. People dealing with NPD and/or SA need to hear your voice. You know I was drowned out of the SA Spouses forum because they didn't want to hear my voice. Same for another former member there. I moved my voice to D/S and stayed there. Maybe you can make a different in the SASpouses group.

Or not.

At the very least you can be another voice in the chorus in D/S. People there understand NPD and SA more than you may think.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9476 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shit Gonna. Not sure what to say except I hear ya, and that shit is fucked up.

But despite what Sultan says. Through SI, you have made an impact on JNRPA and my life, as well as numerous others on here. So many of us here would gladly call you captain !!! F.T.G.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonna just want to say your posts have really helped me. Your voice on SI has helped me open my eyes and see what I needed to see. My WH seems very similar to Sultan. I bet I'm one of those you want to yell "Run Forest Run " to

You are so strong. I admire the steps you have taken to get your life back. You deserve it!

In the meantime I hope you can find some peace.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I was drowned out of the SA Spouses forum because they didn't want to hear my voice.

Yea, I saw that happen and I think that it was an unfortunate thing. I do believe that R with an SA is possible, but I also believe that it is not always a possibility. But other than the compulsitivity (made-up word, shoot me) of cheating...Sultan didn't display the other SA benchmarks--porn, etc. He even sent me a text that he supposedly received from a *well respected doctor that he met not too long ago (2 weeks to be exact) that said:
***There is no diagnostic criteria established for sex addiction. There are preliminary ideas and observations.*** I won't be posting in the SA thread because I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm dealing with.....he is a total nutjob.

And yet another t/j on my own thread....
WB. Dude. You post too many inane pictures to have an actual job! (although you are totally forgiven since one of those pix was of Grumpy Cat). 'member how I complained to high heaven about ConLaw? Ended up with an A-, even though I was sure I wrote a totally *C* (or worse) final. Go figure. Didn't talk to the prof about it b/c I didn't want to make him second-guess himself.....but I gotta say that dealing with this school shit and Sultan at the same time sucks. It never fails...he starts *fucking* with me 2 or 3 weeks before my finals. I'm holding a pretty darn good GPA right now and it pisses me off because I know that it would most likely be about .9 points higher if I hadn't been dealing with all of his f'd up bullshit.....(which would get me *Big Law* if I wanted it....which I don't).


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7883 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bet I'm one of those you want to yell "Run Forest Run " to

Ummm.....no comment???
I've posted on your threads CBS, and I think that I've made my viewpoint on your situation pretty clear. But also....*you* do your life the way you feel it needs to be done. You're living it, hon. No one else can understand all of the nuances and concessions that need to happen to make it work....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7883 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

F.T.G. Gonna.

Keep on moving towards getting the crazy out of your life.

(((((((gonna)))))))


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember, when that douchbag fuckwad piece of trash that you had the misfortune to marry starts giving you the full court press of whatever?

That's a sign that he's struggling to maintain his rightness in his mind and the only way he knows how to drown out the truth lurking in his own head - which he is only capable of identifying as pain, not as truth - is to turn on you. So every time he's hammering or courting you??? The barrage is hard for you to deal with I know, but WOW it shows he is suffering. Ha ha stupid fucker!


[This message edited by cayc at 7:55 AM, July 31st (Wednesday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3045 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Gonna,
I am so sorry you have to deal with a wessel.

You know my story all to well and I completely understand dealing with someone out of reality. It is fustrating and makes you say " What the fuck is wrong with you, REALLY"?
I am learning to not even engage with the shit. I ingorn it and don't say anything futher and just think in my head "REALLY, Umm Okay"
That way I don't get hurt and we don't fight about some shit that will not change his perception on what is real because it is so exhausting.
I do know how you feel. I am just glad I am not living with my wh right now and have the space to clear my head from all the crazy making.
I love ya and glad your back posting!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/j
I look forward to those pics gonnabe. I love my puppy and I'm sure I'm going to fall in love with yours.

End t/j

As for your OP, you are so strong, don't fall for his crap and let him suck you back in. The man deserves nothing from you.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2697 | Registered: Oct 2012
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh...truly a douche. Don't be silent. Not sure how many out there are like me, but I want/like blunt honesty and you provide 24/7.

Hang in there.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well datum, I've missed your posting. I figured you might be busy with summer classes. I'm glad to see you back.

Check out the NPD thread, there are some people who have dealt with a sultan or few and are telling tales.

As crazy as he is- my money's on you. You've got this. It might not be with your usual style and grace, you will be sultan free at some point.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4996 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
HolyMoly
♀ Member
Member # 36884
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, Gonna, my situation with my WH is so similar, it is scary. I don't post much, mostly read, because I don't know how to put everything I am going through into words.

This, coming from a woman who has always been somewhat of a "talker".

When you post, I always feel that you understand. Thank you for that.


Posts: 123 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey girl,

You know it isn't about you. We have talked a lot about the craziness of dealing with a NPD person in our lives. I know you will get on and off that NC train, it's all good.

What totally sucks is that you have to be somewhat intertwined with this man due to kids, so complete NC is difficult. I have complete faith that you will navigate these waters to get to a point where you can brush him off someday as if he matters no more than a fly. And you will find happiness again. You are strong, this is making you stronger and you will help others along the way with your experience. You rock lady. Don't forget that.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4712 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with my Better Half, gonna. I think you impressed the hell out of both of us at the St. Louis G2G, and I know we're both empowered by seeing your (sometimes brutally) honest take on things.

Keep it up. As Heart's father says, "This too shall pass."


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 754 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I had an appt with my IC yesterday.

I still regularly go against the SI anthem of NC. I am able to ignore the small jabs that he makes.....but the big ones earn him a 'go fuck yourself.' I no longer *explain* to him how a relationship should work...I speak my truth. You lie and cheat --> you get divorced; stop acting so surprised.

Anyway. I went to my appt with trepidation because it seems that posters that don't *do* NC have something wrong with them. That they are *getting* some unhealthy need met through the continued contact. So I asked my IC about that. I read her some of the recent exchanges and asked her if she thought that my responses were detrimental to me.

She told me that stbx is extremely skilled at hooking me and because there are still bona fide reasons that we have to be in contact...that I can just expect to get hooked. For now. That's the bad news.

The good news, though, is that Sultan used to able to 'hook' me, pull me onto the boat, slice me open, and rip out my guts......that doesn't happen anymore. I may bite on the hook....but now I'm the big fish that swallows the hook, fights like hell and ends up swimming off with the fishing pole.

Apparently it is a good thing that after being 'silenced' by him for all of these years....that I am speaking my truth. I am taking back reality. There are no more "yes dear, whatever you say. i'll figure out a way to make it work's" in me.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7883 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 35
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.