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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Found out in early nov. and have nlt been able to repair .
90Worthless90
♀ New Member
Member # 39855
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out my partner was cheating on me in November.
It's a very long story and I don't want to write the whole thing, as I am on my tablet, but I posted in another forum in the beginning. You can read the story here. It's the last post by brokenhearted.http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/community-features/message-board/7-recovery-and-support/68249-how-do-i-get-rid-of-the-anger.html


So it's been about 8 months ago and we have gotten nowhere. End the end, she left to go back to her husband. He thinks that should have been the end of it. He has made no effort to show he is being trust worthy at all. I never even got a real apology...

in May, I found out she was back in town. I knew something was up because they always kept in contact and I noticed that he had deleted all of her text messages from her. I confronted him, and he told me he didn't tell me because he knew I'd be up his ads about her. I then found out that instead of going to work like he said he was he went fishing with her and her brother. It's one thing to keep contact with the OW, it's another thing to continue to see her even if it's just friendly ( he is friends with her family ). At that point I lost any trust I had left for him. So ever since then I have been snooping around his car ND his phone but I have not come up with any evidence he is still cheating. Last week he came home with what looked like a hockey on his arm. he swears up and down that it was not a hicky. It was the same coloring as a hicky but instead of being circular, it was a straight line.

All we do is fight now. I get yelled at for the smallest things and he is started to have the listlessnes he had when he first started the affair. Aside from the mark on his arm there are other things that has me paranoid again. The main thing being him acting paranoid himself. he was on the couch the other day and I started to walk towards the couch. He suddenly got up and quickly walked to the kitchen. I followed him and he made his way back to the couch. I Didn't think anything of it till I simply lo o ked over at him and he started yelling at me for "spying" on him and being nosey. A few minutes ago he woke up and accused me of taking his phone to be nosey. Then he saw I went to go get something from his van and he then banned me from here entering his van. we never had rules like that. So now I'm seriously wondering if he is at it again....The OW is now several months pregnant by her man. I don't know if she is low enough to cheat while pregnant or if there is another woman, . If there is any at all...



Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday


Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2013
90Worthless90
♀ New Member
Member # 39855
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been with him since I was 17. I'm 23 now and he is all I know. I dropped out of high school, I was going through a very hard time. My mother's alcoholism had reached rock bottom and I was not close to my dad. I know that's not an excuse. I tried to get my GED, twice. I failed the math portion both times. I have dyscalculia and I think I will need to get accomodations for the math portion. But testing thousands of dollars. I have a 2 year old. I have stayed home with him since he was born. He worked and I took care of our son. I have been looking for a job for months now. I have applied to tons of stores and restaurants. No body has called. I'm guessing v it's because I haven't worked since I got pregnant.

This is one of the main reasons I have stayed with him. That and because I have been with him so long and at such a young age.

I'm also afraid to to be a single mom. Most of the single moms I know are generally lonely and unhappy. Society does not think we'll about single mothers...


Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday


Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2013
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 3:33 AM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all, society may not rejoice over single motherhood but it no longer carries the stigma it once did. And you would not be a single mother- you would be a divorced mother and that is wholly different.

Is there no family that could help you get on your feet at all? Either way, he will have to pay child support if you split and with the little you'd be making, you'd qualify for assistance. You might even qualify for assistance in getting that GED.

In the meantime, since he is making no effort to help you reconcile, please read about the 180. Start looking at your options and getting your ducks in a row. Don't give up on trying to better yourself. If you have some employment services places in your area, go in and ask for help. Some places will do placement testing and even help you get back into school. They can also help you look at your job applications to see if there is something in them that makes you undesirable so you can reword or improve it.

You're not worthless. Don't accept less than you deserve. You deserve a husband who is transparent and honest. His continued contact with the affair partner and her family is unacceptable. Remember to eat and drink plenty of water so you stay healthy for your child. Start doing things for yourself.

This is where you will find the tactical primer for newbies who don't know what to do when they first get here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=235051

This is where you will find information on understanding how to do the 180 with an unremorseful spouse:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=232785

And this is a selection of great posts for newbies:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=361740

Keep posting here. That's the first big step toward this mess improving for you.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Sep 2005
90Worthless90
♀ New Member
Member # 39855
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I just hope I make it out of this whole. I hope I can learn to be happy again. Right now I feel very bitter. Especially towards those who are in happy relationships. I'm very jealous of them.


Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday


Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2013
90Worthless90
♀ New Member
Member # 39855
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify... We are not legally or spiritually married.


Me: 23

Him: 29

Together 6 years.

DS: 2yrs

Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"

Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday


Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2013
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to reiterate that you are not worthless. I think that tears of love gave you very good advice.

I wish you had a little more faith in yourself because at your age you have your whole life ahead of you and you don't have to be with this WH of yours.

Many people have learning disabilities. Check with your local schools to see if perhaps someone can help tutor you for free.

Please don't lose faith in yourself, you will find happiness with someone who respects you. But work on yourself right now. Be the the best person and mother you can be, but do it for you.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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