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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Questions for BS and WS
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my husband said this I would think he wants to leave but doesn't want to own it, so he's trying to make it as he's doing me a favor by leaving. But that's just me and my twisted thinking.

I agree, I would think the same thing.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 731 | Registered: Jul 2013
regret75
♂ New Member
Member # 40117
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of this is such useful information to me. Since I last posted things have been tough. I'm here for her and trying to convey to her that I understand what I have done. I am consoling her when she allows me to. I guess all I can do at this point is just be here and keep listening. I never wanted a fast forward button so bad in my life - and not so I can 'get out' of trouble, but so she can be released from the pain I've caused. My heart is breaking over the broken heart I gave to her. Horrible but well deserved justice for my sins - I only wish somehow that the heartache I now have could somehow take her pain away.


FWH - me 40ish
BS - her 40ish
bunch of kids
Married 10 years
D-Day: 10/2012 & 7/29/13
NC 7/2012

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: the midwest is best
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

regret75 it takes time. I think that has been one of the most difficult thing for me to get my head around... How could I be angry for 6 full months??? Don't know, but I was! It was really, really a hideous time for both fWH and myself and we have only recently come out of it. You need to make up your mind to be in there for the long-haul...

Your BS's reactions may be totally different to mine, but ultimately it seems that all BSs go through the various stages of grief (Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance) in no particular order. They may bounce around in the various stages multiple times. The general consensus seems to be that it all takes between 2-5 years to work through. Fortunately things DO get better as time goes by.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 18yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 757 | Registered: Oct 2012
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regret...hugs to you for wanting to hear the other side. It takes courage to look at this through a different perspective. The other night, out of the blue, I asked my WH what he would have done if the shoe was on the other foot, if it was I who had had the A. He was taken off guard by the question and asked point blank if I was ok. That made me smile but what came next made me smile more. he told me that he thought about that question often and could not even begin to give me the answer. He said he wasn't sure he would have had the same strength I have show through this whole ordeal.

I can't tell you how good that answer made me feel. I was amazed that he had even been thinking about the reverse situation. I knew he was doing so to try and figure out how to help me more then he already has. I am going to ask him that question again in the future to see if he has gotten any further but for now, just knowing that his thoughts were about me and about what he had done were a gift. It is small things like this that surprise me and they are the rewards for both of our efforts.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
TxsT
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS....the fast forward button isn't an option. There are no time lines on your journey because each journey is different. Just know that it sounds like you are going in the right direction....and that is coming from a BS :o)

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
regret75
♂ New Member
Member # 40117
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Txst - I really and humbly appreciate it. I really do.


FWH - me 40ish
BS - her 40ish
bunch of kids
Married 10 years
D-Day: 10/2012 & 7/29/13
NC 7/2012

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: the midwest is best
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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