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User Topic: Teaching someone to drive
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Frustrated  Posted: 3:38 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the learner needs constant instruction for anything other than stop and go. She follows directions fairly well, but can't make decisions or read a map to save her life. How might one back off on the hand holding in a safe manner so they can learn to function independently?

I'm tempted to just let her keep going straight until she realizes we are in Timbuktu then tell her to pull over, look at a map and find the way home on her own, but worry it might take 6 hours and she'll give up completely.


Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Driving instructions from a professional school are a godsend. Just saying...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20035 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
helpingmenow
♀ Member
Member # 23152
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going thru the same with my daughter.. 1st one was easier.. drivers ed isn't until late Fall so we are teaching her the rules but would love if she memorized more of the rules of the road from the learner's permit book.
Hopefully it gets better soon. I can totally relate!


Me:BS
Him:FWS
Married: 20 yrs; dated for 3 yrs
4 children

DDay: Nov. 19/2003


Posts: 94 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: new york
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The US driving books are downright pathetic. The laws are rather different, but for the core driving principles are best drawn out in a book called 'Roadcraft'. It is the book that police officers are given to study in the UK. It is an incredible road manual.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
Mommato4
♀ Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going through this now.

I started my DD out in the school parking lot on a weekend so it was deserted so she could get the basics down. I wouldn't let her on the road until that.

And she was enrolled in the 911 drivers ed program. She just has to take her skills test but is waiting until she has more time under her belt.


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1377 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Driving instructions from a professional school are a godsend. Just saying...
This.
A specific amount of road time with a professional instructor is actually required here in CA (much to my native-NYer surprise).

DD and DS have their permits, did their first pro lesson, and are now getting the bulk of their road time with XWH, me, or hubby. Once we get close to the time of their driver tests, we'll schedule the other pro lesson so that they are ready to roll (pun intended).


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6380 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Professional instruction would be great if she'd pay for it! She's kind of path of least resistance. Needs pushing, hand holding, will give up when challenged. If someone doesn't force her, she'll just decide it wasn't meant to be.

I'd like to think we are making progress and if I could just get her over this hurdle she will gain some confidence but right now she just expects everything to be "intuitive." Maybe I'm catastrophizing and just need to give it some time.


Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm tempted to just let her keep going straight until she realizes we are in Timbuktu then tell her to pull over, look at a map and find the way home on her own, but worry it might take 6 hours and she'll give up completely.
You could do a variation of this.

The next time or two you're out with her, dont jump in and tell her where to go.
If she asks, flip the question back to her, "What do YOU think?". If she answers correctly, praise up the wazoo. If she answers incorrectly or passes a turn, let her figure out how to get back on track, again with lots of dialogue (ie "Ok, you missed the turn. That happens. What do you do now?).
Eventually, she'll gain more confidence as she gives more right answers than wrong ones.

Besides...who HASN'T made a wrong turn and had to figure out how to get back to the correct area? It'd be a good learning experience in a controlled environment.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6380 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Locking a "I know it all teenager" in a car with their parents is generally a recipe for disaster. Well it was in my case!!!

My parents got so sick of the "strained" lessons they hit on a great solution with friends who were also trying to teach their moody, snappy teenager to drive.

They swapped kids for an hour!!!

I ended up having my lessons with my parents friend, Mrs Scott (no calling adults by their first names back then LOL). My mom got her kid!!!!!!

Funnily enough we (the teenagers) behaved beautifully with another grown up and family harmony was
restored!!!!



Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before your next outing, make her determine the route beforehand. And then give her guidance, such as "Remember you need to take a left at the next light". And if she misses the turn, say nothing. Let her go until she realizes that she messed up. She WILL blame you, but you need to learn to take it in stride.

Another thing I learned with my DD is it warn her about potential issues ahead of time. Thing like "Remember, people on this road tend to stop to turn but not use turn signals, so you need to look ahead and keep an eye on the car in front of the car in front of you. Otherwise you will have to slam on the brakes." And "Remember, it takes longer to stop in the rain because the roads are slick. So you need to drive more slowly and leave more space between you and the car in front of you."

In my experience, it takes at least 10 hours of hand-holding for them to feel more comfortable driving, so don't expect too much too soon.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Xanax.

Seriously, teaching DD to drive was the scariest experience of my life so xanax is all I got as far as advice.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37386 | Registered: Sep 2007
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she doesn't want to pay, and she doesn't want to figure out her route ahead of time, and so on, then she doesn't get to drive.

I do think the other suggestions are good ones.

Are there any other trustworthy adults who could take her out to practice? My BFF can't drive with her son without twitching, so he's been walking over to my office at the end of the day and driving back with me to their house. He's not my kid, so his bloopers don't bug me. And he's more willing to listen to me than to his mom. Maybe you can trade off with another parent?

Good luck!


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 855 | Registered: Sep 2012
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I remember those days. My oldest DD was the biggest airhead driver on the road when she first started. We eventually had her do all her practice driving with her grandfather because we just couldn't hack it. Butt-clenching experience to put it mildly. The very stressful way to get buns of steel. So, I concur with all the others that suggest switching off with other parents.

Fortunately, with my younger two, it went much more smoothly. Mostly because they had been driving ATVs and snowmobiles for several years before getting in a car. Oldest DD never got that chance so she was starting from scratch and a drama queen besides.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5058 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe she's not ready to drive? If she's unable to focus, you might be best served if you waited a year or so. If her buddies can all drive but she can't, she might be more inspired to get down to business.

Best of luck. There is no way in heck that I would teach a teen to drive. I'm not brave enough!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Driving instructions from a professional school are a godsend

^^^This x 10!

Best thing we did was get our dd into driver's ed.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6267 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Driving instructions from a professional school are a godsend. Just saying...

This. This. THIS! I remembered my own initiation into the realm of teenage drivers. I wanted my children to love and respect me--and vice versa--so I gave them to Young Drivers of Canada. Best $$$ I ever spent!


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7180 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the replies. I didn't want to limit responses but I suppose I should mention this is an adult I'm teaching, sister not daughter. She presents a unique set of challenges because she has had scattered lessons over the years, but it's been a while since she has had consistent instruction. I think we might just both be expecting too much too soon. Her age really shouldn't be relevant, and I think we need to look past it. I think it might be best if I just lower expectations, be patient, and approach her like a teen.

I'm thinking I'm going to be awesome at this in 18 years when I have a teen of my own!


Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to learn how to drive at 9 years old on the farm. Best thing that ever happened to me.

The boys would be in the back of the truck baling hay while i drove between the bale they were picking up. I had to drive slow enough, and turn just right to get to the next bales and such.

Something that might be fun is to have her plan a road trip using just a map / google maps.

Start small, like a place in another town that she can actually drive to, to a big place that would just give her the experince to read a map.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain. In medical school I had to teach BFF how to drive. She grew up in Ottawa, attended college in Montreal and thought she could just use public transit while in med school. In Texas. Bwahahahahaha!

P.A.I.N.F.U.L.

She also had no sense of reading maps or spacial thinking (her driving mirrored her anatomy lab dissection skills- just sayin,)
We spent a LOT of time on map reading skills, learning east/west/north/south. Finding main thoroughfares and identifying landmark buildings or businesses to gauge where she was. It worked.

She now drives ever summer from the Great Southwest to Ottawa and back to visit family. That's about 30 hours of driving each way and maneuvering through big metroplolitan areas. She's got it down!


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2153 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does she not know her way around? Is she new to the area or something?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7944 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
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