Topic: DId Anyone Change Their Appearance after Dday?
Member # 38924
| Posted: 4:24 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Just curious if anyone did anything out of the ordinary after Dday(s) to reclaim themselves...(boob job, different clothes, hair, tatts, piercings, new hobbies or interests). It's interesting to me that I'm actually discovering who I am and not (blank's) wife anymore...I seriously lived for him and now I'm starting to live for myself with help of IC/MC. It's been a strange journey for me so far.
Me-BW 35. STBXH-35,active alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 little boys. M 6yrs T13.
Year+ false R & TT from Dday1 Nov 2012 IEA - Feb 2014 count at 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) for 3 years that I know of.
Filed for D.
Posts: 816 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Member # 39830
| Posted: 4:26 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Nothing unordinary. I AM working out much harder than I had been, to help get the anger out, so I'm going to be positively ripped by this winter.
Which is okay. It'd be nice to have my six-pack back again, even if it's not quite as cut. A soft six-pack, so to speak.
Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
Member # 39996
| Posted: 4:26 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I grew my hair out but I am not sure it was because of Dday. We now live in a much colder climate. I have started buffing up my wardrobe though and I want to look nice when my husband comes home from work. Just my little way of saying "hey, you are special to me"
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Member # 39670
| Posted: 4:27 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Well, nothing major but I splurged on a Keratin treatment for my hair the following week. I had wanted one for over 2 years but since I always put myself last thinking the money would be better spent on the kids or the house, blah blah blah. Took me 2 days to say eff it and make the appointment
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (48) 10 years, together 15
D-Day #2 9.6.13 Broken NC/TT
D-Day #3 10.23.13 "Full Disclosure"
WH having PA with MW coworker 3.13-6.13
Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 38732
| Posted: 4:28 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I rolled with the 8 pounds I lost at the start and started running, lifting, and eating cleaner. I'm down 32 now... And still counting. The 180 and facing my self esteem issues in MC helped.
Me: 37 BS
Him: 38 WH
M: 11 years, T: 17
Status: In MC/R, Retrouvaille graduates
I'm not what I ought to be. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I hope to be. But thank God, I'm not what I used to be.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Limbo
Member # 30314
| Posted: 4:30 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
my BS gained 20 lbs of muscle, took a picture of Brad Pitt into his barber and said, "make me look like this." He did.
his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
4 kiddos in lower 20's
“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."
Posts: 3663 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 28362
| Posted: 4:32 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I bought new skin care. Cut my hair, he told me hers was longer. Of course lost weight. Bought some new cloathes. I did lots of little things. I had already moved out so I didn't have to do that.
Posts: 794 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 39210
| Posted: 4:38 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Got a tan to go with the nearly 20lbs I lost... Met with a plastic surgeon for a boob job, haven't done it yet though. That's something I always said I was going to do as soon as I was done having babies. Most definitely done!! Some new clothes....
My life before was being his wife. I took pride in doing everything I could for him. His A was a major slap in the face, all that shit was for nothing. So I pretty much stopped lol.
[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 1:36 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
Posts: 298 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
Member # 38814
| Posted: 4:40 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Immediately after d-day I didn't take very good care of myself. I stopped eating, going to the gym, etc.
That lasted about a month.
I'm kinda vain so as soon as I had enough energy I returned to taking care of my physical appearance.
I had always spent more money on my WW when it came to clothes, so I bought myself a new suit, some new shirts and some accessories that I had been wanting to buy for a long time and didn't feel guilty for spending the money.
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
The hard part: They still work together.
Posts: 465 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 36714
| Posted: 4:51 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
My own mother wouldn't even recognize me.
Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ New Member
Member # 40136
| Posted: 4:55 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I got a different haircut. I shaved my mustache. I bought new clothes. I've already lost between 25-30 pounds. I go to the gym 2 twice a day 5 times a week. This has been all in 1 month.
Posts: 21 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40093
| Posted: 5:22 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Well my WS was dating a stripper who was 20 years younger and had an amazing body. I started working out 6 days a week and gave up carbs and fats. I also highlighted my hair and upgraded my wardrobe. Although part of me feels I look great now, why did I do it, was I trying to look like her? Do I think I was unlovable the way I looked? Trust me I am 51 and there is no way I am totally going to fight aging. But will I ever be happy with the way I look or always think I will never look like her no matter how hard I try
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 33867
| Posted: 5:30 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I seriously lived for him
I never did this ^^^ ~ I seriously lived for my children though
Change anything? Not a thing. I am fine with who I am, I just hate who my WH became....he needed to do ALL the changing, not me.
ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 1974 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 39380
| Posted: 5:32 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I did right away. I spent the weekend with my sister and mom after D day. My mom bought me a new, sexy outfit and colored my hair, it was blonde, my FWHs pick, but im a natural dk brunette. So I took it to a nice deep red, he hates red heads. Lol After I took him back he took me to get my hair colored and highlighted and bought me an outfit, by himself, while waiting for my hair to get done. Since his A, if I don't pick something out, then he will and its usually something I wouldnt wear before but it does give me confidence boost. I think its good to be a little selfish after unwillingly being thrown into something negative that someone else created. Im still finding myself, after almost 7 years, 2 kids and a hard life, I have lost myself in sacrificing everything to care for everyone else before myself. We BSs deserve to be able to find what we're interested in now, our evolution has been stunted by everyone else evolving at our expense. Your the only one who will ever truly care for you so take advantage of any opertunities you get to be spoiled, you never know when youll get another chance to be happy. Good luck
[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 5:44 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Member # 36976
| Posted: 6:12 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I lost 20 pounds after Dday, shock/not being able to eat. I "rolled with it" (as stated above) and lost 60 pounds. Of course then I had to buy all new clothes. It's been over a year and I've kept the weight off. I feel 100% better, go to the gym 5x a week and can now do pull-ups!
Posts: 541 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 40128
| Posted: 6:20 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I bleached my hair blonde - something I've always wanted to do. I've been considering a nose piercing, which is a total rebel move. Lost 10 lbs in the first 6 weeks and have only gained 4 back. My style is totally different and much funkier. I feel more myself than ever! Like you, I'm discovering myself and creating my new identity independent from him.
FYI - I also had a photographer friend do a "taking back my sexuality" photo shoot for me. I used lots of props in the shoot that represented the A, had a makeup artist do me up sexy, and they came out FIERCE! It's my own photographic journal of this journey. I highly recommend it! You will look at them and go, WOW - that's ME!? I'm HOT! It's sort of like revenge without having to cause any more damage.
Married 13 years at time of D-Day, 2 small children
D-day 1: 8/16/12 (told it was EA only)
D-day 2: 9/22/12 (the OW confessed to the truth and exposed the PA)
12 month affair, 10 months PA
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R
Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 38399
| Posted: 6:39 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I did all the things I wanted to do that I didn't think we could afford because I figured if he could afford hookers than I can buy panties without holes in them and get my hair done. I seriously had gone a year without spending money on myself because I thought we were broke! My kids would be afraid to ask for things. Pisses me off so bad thinking about it. He doesn't dare complain about anything I buy.
Me BS: 42
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Posts: 122 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Member # 37451
| Posted: 8:23 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
Lost 50+ pounds! 40 in the first 2 months and still dropping.
Was wearing this awful huge knee brace for 2 years, hated it, but the pain was awful.
couldn't walk around the block. That is why I gained weight.
The anger and pain after dday was so intense I could not eat or sleep. I got it out by using the elliptical. The physical pain was easier to take than the mental.
I worked out well though, no brace, yesterday I ran!!!
So happy about this, I feel like I have my body back, my physical strength.
Down to a size 7, same as high school.
Lots of new clothes, I could fit and extra person in the old.
Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
Posts: 1095 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 38288
| Posted: 8:29 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
I was a blubbering idiot when I found out and did everything for him. He was seeing prostitutes 40 years younger than him, so I went and bought teen clothes to look sexy, got an evual for boob job, cut my hair and highlighted it funky. Was putting on makeup 1 hour before he got home from work just to take it off 1 hr later. All to look like them! Why did I do this? He is the one who had the frekin A's.
I have now regained my sanity and now doing things for me. I have purchased nice age appropriate clothes, no boob job thank you, I love my small ones. Back to sweats because they are comfy. And going for the natural look with min makeup. I love the new me. Still keeping my hair though, it's cool.
BW 55, WH 64
2 years of prostitutes.
Posts: 277 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: California
Member # 39774
| Posted: 8:34 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013|
The first couple of DDays I got tattoos, I have two fairly large ones that I LOVE dearly. My partner doesn't like tattoos.
Another DDay I lost a bunch of weight.
This past Dday, I gained a BUNCH of weight.
I once coloured my hair red, but I think that was more so due to the death of my mom.. though the DDay after she passed I dyed it BRIGHT RED, because I knew he'd hate it
[This message edited by Schilling at 8:38 PM, July 31st (Wednesday)]
I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.
Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
|Topic Posts: 40|