I Am Enough
I got my nose pierced and the upper cartilage on one ear.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
I have been buying clothes and making an effort to feel like I look nice/sexy. . .mostly for me, but a little for him. : )
I edit, therefore I am.
I also want a tat. Something small and inconspicuous so I know it marks my pain.
I got extensions in my hair and love them. I acutally chopped my hair off when I found out and it was way too short, like to my cheeks short.
I used to wear Doc Martin boots or flats with black tights and a dress to work. Now, I find I'm strutting skinny pants and wedges with cardigans. I actually feel good and people tell me I look nice. It's like Bettlejuice here got a makeover.
I find it interesting that we shed so many layers in life, constantly changing, evolving, learning, and growing.
I've also been running and lifting weights. I feel good and it helps get the anger out.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 1:32 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]
The most noticeable thing was that I stopped wearing my rose-coloured glasses. Ahem.
Married over 9 years, together for 18.
DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).
I decided I would have anything I wanted for the rest of my life, and he had damn well not say one fucking word.
I'll never forget when he said he wanted to get me a big ass diamond I was like, 'uhhh, no thanks buddy, I won't be wearing a ring again...but I will take the money to spend on myself'!
I truly did NOT suspect an A. But I could tell he was unhappy in our marriage. He wouldn't discuss making changes before the new year, but that didn't stop me.
In my mind, the biggest problem we had--because of my reaction to his SA--was my feeling unattractive. I never turned him down, but I didn't want the lights on and I never wanted him to see me undressed.
So I decided that that needed to change. I couldn't change him, but I could become more comfortable with myself. So I started working out and eating less--determined to lose the 5 lbs/yr since 40 that I'd gained.
A week later, I found out he'd been with a prostitute the day before. Because I was too heartsick to eat, I lost 15 pounds very quickly. It wasn't intentional, but it was helpful as a jumpstart.
By the time the DDay came and he confessed his A (and the prostitute and the escorts), I'd lost 35 pounds (and have now lost a total of 50). I have a completely new wardrobe (from my own closet--we have no money for new clothes) and lots more self-esteem. Even if this whole R thing doesn't work out, I feel better and I feel better about myself.
Although I've always wanted to be more endowed, I think I couldn't live with myself if I got that operation now. It'd seem too aimed at him (although he professes--and always has--to like them smaller). I've tried to make changes that might help our marriage but that would DEFINITELY help me. So far, I'm happy with the progress. :)
Nah, I'm full of shit. I had some hair place cut it off and send it to locks of love. That sword won't hold an edge anyway. I didn't even do it cuz of her A really, was just sick of long hair.
I have considered buying a crossbow and taking up hunting though. Being out in the woods overnight with the purpose of killing things to eat sounds cathartic.
No really I did not change my appearance. I have always prided myself on my appearance.
My appearance post Dday was pretty scary though, but I'm back on track now
I do want to get some kind of face work done, like a peel or something like that.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:31 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]
That was the benefit of being separated and getting a really nice tax return
So I guess there is a silver lining.
I work in a creative field, so I can wear anything to work. I now dress like I'm going to a nightclub every day. XH woulda hated it!
Learning to breathe again - one day at a time