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Newest Member: Nexttome (45693)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
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Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PAS: This is such a horrid thing to happen to you. One thing that you must do, however, is to get yourself tested for STDs. I was 7 months pregnant with my second child when my WH had a ONS and contracted Chlymydia that he passed onto me and my unborn baby. This is not something that you need to have to contend with.

From my experience, someone who is capable of abusing you like this, when you are so vulnerable, is someone who is broken inside. Unless something really traumatic happens, then they will continue along this path. As I know only so well...

Look after yourself and put your faith in those who care.

WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 168 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
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Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just getting caught up with all your wonderful responses after spending the weekend moving.

I did go an get tested on Friday for STD's even though he swore up and down there was no need to.

I agree that something seems broken with him, I just don't understand what happened to get him to this point. There were really no warning signs leading up to this, so I feel so completely caught off guard. He is not the person I have know for the past 12 years, and that is so hard to wrap my head around.

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filed for D, almost done!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
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Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this site today and just could not believe your post. I thank god every minute that we do not have any children now that I am dealing with the mess that is my 25 year thoughts and prayers are you (((hugs))) stay strong.

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to post an update. It's been almost 8 weeks since WH told me he wanted a divorce, 6 weeks since I caught him at OW's house and he started living there for good.

I am 2 weeks away from giving birth, sticking to the 180 fairly well and been pretty good about NC except for emailing about finances and childcare. He has not bothered asking me once how I am feeling, how doctors appointments are going, etc. I have to admit that that really hurts.

Tuesday morning he texts me asking how I have been feeling, I didn't respond. A couple hours later he calls my work (his number is blocked so I had to answer since I didn't know it was him) and says he misses our daughter and wants to start having her overnight a night or 2 a week once he gets his own place. He plans on getting a place with OW in October(they currently live together with her roomates- he still insists he is sleeping on the couch). I told him that we don't need to discuss this now, when he gets a place we will talk about it then. He gets upset, says I am keeping his daughter from him and he needs to see her more. I sent him an emailing explaining that he needs to put her needs first, realize how many changes were just made in her life, and that throwing OW into the mix is just going to be more confusing to her right now. He finally agreed that that is true, and that now is not the time for her to be going to spend time with him and OW. Then he asked me to go to therapy with him to learn how to get along for our daughter's sake.

Are you effin kidding me? Before he left me for OW I asked him to go to therapy to discuss how we could best break the news to our daughter, and he was unwilling. I had to tell her alone that mommy and daddy weren't going to be married anymore and that her and I would be moving into Grandma & Grandpas house. I had to dry her tears and answer her questions alone while he was out having fun with OW. Now he wants to go to counseling so we can get along?? I have been very cordial with him when he comes to pick her up/drop her off, but I will not be his friend. He tried to ask me how my weekend was when he picked her up on Monday and I didn't answer him, so I think to him that means that I am being mean and "unfriendly" How does he expect me to be his friend? He abandoned me at 7 months pregnant, made me leave my house, I will be giving birth alone and raising our child by myself. Fuck him.

He is not feeling any remorse, does not see at all what kind of pain he has inflicted on me. He is not even thinking about our daughter right now, just about how HE misses her.

I am sorry this is so long, I just needed a place to get this all out.

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filed for D, almost done!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My heart breaks for you and your daughter.

You will be such a strong role model for her and your baby-to-be; you have handled this with such grace.

Posts: 3155 | Registered: Sep 2006
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Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PAS, I'm actually impressed at how strong you sound. You know your mind, you're not an emotional mess when he comes around, you've let him know in no uncertain terms that you're putting yourself, your child, and your future baby first and nothing he says will change that.

Good on you!

I'm hoping you've got child support firmly in place? I'm also hoping you have a lawyer because I've read here on SI many times that BW's have put stipulations into their child custody agreements that their cheating husbands could NOT have any overnight "guests" on the nights that these guys had their children visiting.

Please go see a lawyer.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1886 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
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Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I don't feel very strong, I feel like I am fighting to keep it together. I think as my due date gets closer and closer, the reality that this is all really happening is hitting me more and more. I hate that all of us here have had to deal with feeling like this. It's just so unfair.

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filed for D, almost done!

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
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Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so really sorry you are here, I know your pain all to well . As you can see I am a male and would like to give my opinion if I can . I went through a very very similar situation , my stbxw cheated with someone from work and denied it for years and made me into some pleaser asshole till I caught her at 2am in a hotel room . The pain for me was unbearable physical and emotional vomiting ,begging as she laughed no remorse told me I was pathetic ! Yes that is just some of the pain. That was 4 months ago ! I will never go back there again and you will see also if you do exactly what they tell you on this site you too will be fine . I can tell you your husband is a piece of crap half a man! Leaves his pregnant wife? Wtf? You sound very intelligent and strong , you will push through this and come out shining . I know no remorse is a whole different kind of betrayal so I feel the pain, and I am sorry. Take care of you and kids. Cut all contact with him and be happy ! That is the biggest revenge . I wish you all the best ! Stay strong and move through anger wisely.

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 705 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
OK now
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Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just can't understand how he can do this. Even if he was indifferent to you in an emotional way doesn't he feel love for his children? Doesn't he feel that he needs to nurture and support them? Sacrifice for them?

As for staying with the OW and sleeping on the couch, thats not going to fly in the divorce court. He has committed adultery beyond reasonable doubt.

Posts: 1810 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
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Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 29th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dearest PregnantandSad, what an amazing job you are doing - trust me, you really are.

My ex-husband has a great way of asking me to do things "for the sake of the children" and for a long time I did, until I realised it was just to make life easier for him. All this "being nice and friendly" was just to give him bragging rights and stop him feeling uncomfortable around the kids.

When he hurt me for the bajillionth time, I realised that the only lesson my kids were learning was how to put up with an arsehole.

I am dealing another issue entirely (my ex has been physically abusive) and he still believes that it is wrong for me to show animosity to him (which I dont, I just flat out ignore him) in front of the kids. So what I have decided, is rather than go to counselling with him (as he also wants) is to go to mediation. This way, there is no touchy feely stuff about feelings, he doesnt get an opportunity to blab about himself. We just agree to what is acceptable.

In my view, it is acceptable to say "hello" and "goodbye" and pass on information about the children. It is also reasonable for him to not ask about me or my provate life or my health or anything to do with me.

I believe that your husband is working hard at setting it up so that he looks like a really good guy so he can have his happy life with his room mate. He is telling lies about their relationship and while he wants to expose your children to that, he does not deserve your time in attending a therapy session in good faith. I think a lot more water needs to go under the bridge before then.

Please take care, and please think about seeing a lawyer.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
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