My question is about the timeline. He told me that some of the things he will tell me will hurt my feelings. I'm supposing lies will have to become truths. How hard was it to finally tell the truth? We're you able to be completely honest right away or did you withhold and/or minimize? What can I do to make it easier for him to tell me the complete and honest story? Did your BW's crying stop you?
I know I will have so many questions. I don't want it to be an interrogation but my mind has been going in so many directions that I will have to eliminate the horrible fantasy stories it's made up.
I don't want my reactions to impede his honesty but I'm afraid I will just fall apart. I'm crying as I type this so please help me if you can.
I hope I haven't violated any posting rules.
(Sorry, I put in wayward side and they told me to move over here)
If you are worried about turning it into an interrogation, you can always write down your questions (to get them down exactly the way you want them to be) and then hand him the list and have him read the questions and tell you the answers. His answers will, invariably, bring up more questions. If you are able to go back and forth in a discussion, great. If not, you can write another list and have another go at it.
Some people choose to ask the questions and look at the timeline with a marriage counselor present. I don't know if that would help you or not.
But gently, honey, there's nothing wrong with having an emotional reaction to a harsh truth. What happens if you do fall apart? He has to deal with it, ok? You are entitled to fall apart when you are dealing with this stuff. Stuffing your emotions in order to keep it together won't help you or the situation. You have to feel the feeling and walk through the hurt, unfortunately. There's no healthy way around that. ((((sadwife))))
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Another way I have heard of it done is that the BS will write out all the questions on little pieces of paper, put them in a jar, and the WS picks one each day to answer.
Regardless, it will be painful. You could stop yourself from crying by assuming an interview type of persona, but sometimes, I believe it best for them to witness the pain they have brought upon us.
Are their any WH's out there who can give me advice based on their stories?