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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I hate who I am now
ohiocarrie535
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm insecure, jealous, emotional unstable. I miss the person I used to be. I was totally and completely secure in my marriage. I didn't bat an eyelash when girls hit on my spouse or he found someone attractive. We used to look at girls together! Now I hate it when girls look at him. He's texting a girl at work right now, who we both know has a crush on him. It's work related but they are joking back and forth. He shows me the texts, and in the past I wouldn't of had a problem with it. But now I do. And did I say anything to him, no. Because he assumes like I used to be, and I want desperately to he like I used to be. So I went to bed and he said he'd come to bed soon. I guess he's still texting her. Do I'm lying here alone in bed with my stupid heart aching. I want to stuff it in my pain box and forget about it. I'll pretend I'm ok. Fake it until I make it.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jannarae
♀ New Member
Member # 39849
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have wrote your post! I feel the same way, I hate who I've become. Paranoid and insecure constantly! I don't have any words of advice, just thought you might like to know you're not alone.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Colorado
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, I want to say that one of the things I have learned thru all of this is I don't want to be the way I was and I don't want him to be the way he was because it wasn't routed in reality. I understand that we all had a thought of how we thought our marriages were but now thru this I have learned that we need to be better , I would also make it clear to him that it is inappropriate for him to be texting her anything other then work related things


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
ohiocarrie535
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm better now. WH came to bed and figured out real quick I was upset. I spilled my guts with hardly any prompting from him. He apologized profusely! I had told him before it was ok to text her ( she is not OW )I thought I would be ok with it. But obviously I'm not. He really is trying so hard. And sometimes I make it so hard on him bc I think I'll be ok with things, and then I'm not. I swear its like I have multiple personality disorder! Ugh! I really hate this.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
TryingEveryday
♂ New Member
Member # 39429
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Ohio! Hang in there. It will get better if you both work at making it so! Don't take everything on yourself.

The reality is - your world isn't the same. That means if your husband is going to be a part of your new world, the one he created, then his world is also different. He has to accept that and be aware of that. You both have a new reality and the rules and boundaries have changed. My wife has realized this and things are different. Some better, some not. But we are both aware that some things that were acceptable before, aren't now. If he doesn't get this, he's blind.


Me - BS - 46
Her - WW - 38 (2 ONS)
Five kids:
DD20, DD18, DD17, DS16, DS16
D Day - Dec 24, 2012 -
R - 20 months and going extremely well.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Montana
crossroads2010
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 31st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What jjsr said summed it up well....

You don't want to be the same as before...you cannot go back to being the same. But you will...in time...let go of the insecurity, jealousy and emotional trauma...you will be stronger, secure in yourself, but guarded ....it takes time and a lot of self exploration.

Do not feel bad about changing you mind...you have no idea what previously "normal/ok" actions will trigger the pain or are not going to be okay until they happen...there will be more things. When something does come up, don't hesitate to speak up and tell him how you feel.


Posts: 606 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 6

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