Welcome to the place no one ever wants to get to
Please do not take your anger out on either the om or your w. It truly will only make things worse for you. Honestly, you cannot inflict on them the pain they have inflicted on you. And that is that.
Get a punching bag, break some dishes (without the kids around), go for a workout. There are ways to release that anger and release it is what you must do. just in a manner that doesnt cause you more pain and chaos.
We have all felt your pain and understand it well. I'm ashamed to admit how much stuff i destroyed in the early days.
I also fantasized about beating the ow (who hasnt?) but you know what? Even thinking of what i wanted to do to her is frightening and shameful. That is not the kind of person i am and i refuse to let others make me into that person.
Keep your head up and your eyes open. Come here to post and read. We'll help you through this.