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Newest Member: Highlanderlady (45437)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


She is not "being nice", she is blowing smoke up your ass!! Holy shit, is she for real??

Reading this has me seeing red for YOU, so I will just send ((((hugs to ceiling and boys))) for right now.

Here on SI, we women have "bitch boots" to wear. Not sure what the men's boots are called, "ass stomping"? Whatever they are called, PLEASE find yours! I'm sure there's a men's closet here too.

Please take care of yourself, and your boys.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1309 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has threatened me millions of times throughout our marriage that she will take the boys and move back to Mexico and I will never see them again and I am afraid to call her bluff.

That is horrible.

I second the notion of getting a lawyer. An initial consult will probably cost you about $200, at least in my area. Find a lawyer that specializes in family law. Find a good, successful lawyer, who is good at what they are doing. A good sign of this is finding one in the top floor of a nice building. Make a list of questions to bring in to the lawyer, and they will be able to tell you what your options are.

You'll probably want to do the consult without telling your wife.

This is just my opinion.

Such a low blow maneuver on your wife's part. I'm sorry, man.

Posts: 7624 | Registered: Dec 2010
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, are you suspicious or in denial?

My reading of your threads is that the consensus is to do the 180, but that advice doesn't seem to have taken. How come? What's keeping you from demanding transparency, etc., and kicking her out if she won't comply? (That's not meant as an attack. Rather, I assume you're resisting for a good reason - but there's probably a good way to go 180 while achieving your other goals.)

There's a big difference between being broken and being broken up.

You're broken up - overwhelmed by fear, anger, and grief. Your W is broken - she thinks it's OK to cheat.

cw, It's not fair, but nothing will change unless you change it.

IMO, your first step is to see a lawyer to determine your rights and responsibilities, and to figure out the tactics you need to employ to prevent your W from kidnapping your kids, if worse comes to worse.

Your 2nd step is to decide if your W's secrecy is a deal killer or not. If it is - and IMO it should be - you've got to figure out how, when, and where to make your stand. An MC session seems like a good idea to me, since your MC can help you both understand what's going on.

Gently, your M is over. Your W killed it. It sounds like she doesn't want to rebuild; rather, she wants a meal ticket. Even if you've let her run things in your M up to now, you can change the arrangement anytime by simply stopping what you've been doing. She may not agree to a new M, but she can't make you do anything - if you protect yourself.

Consult with a lawyer - tell him or her that you want to make sure your W can't kidnap your kids and that you may want to S/D, depending on how she responds to your requirement for transparency, honesty, NC, IC, MC, etc. from your W.

I know this is easier said than done. I know it's very difficult. If you can think of another way to change your sitch, go for it.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:24 PM, August 1st (Thursday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10424 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She still gets upset and will not let me look at her cell phone, tell me her email account username, of course she de-friended me on facebook and will not allow me to look at her facebook page.

Full access to my WS's accounts was a minimum requirement for me to reconcile. How can you possibly begin trusting if she is not willing to do this for you?

WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 784 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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