So, do you feel like you can still salvage the memories from your life together before the affair? I am afraid I have lost those forever.
It means he's an idiot
I got the ILYBNILWY speech. I was floored. No working it out. Nothing. Then I found out the truth about the A.
We stayed separated for a year after those hateful words. We are working on R now. He says he always did love me but was f*cked up. The best way he can describe it is that he went crazy. He term for the fog.
MrKOKO is doing everything he possibly can to make things right and help us heal. But those hearing him tell me he was no longer in love with me is seared into my memory.
Now I am not sure about my feelings. After a year of working toward R this still may be a dealbreaker.
"Three words that became hard to say- I and Love and You."-Avett Brothers
And now he's awake and sees it all clearly. He knows it was all about his vanity, his ego, his lack of self-respect. He says he feels like a drunk driver must feel when they sober up and realize they've run over their child.
But I just keep thinking, 'I would never have done that to you'. I still never would.
I know my WH#2 said that he never loved the OW the way he loved me. I feel that is true. What he loved was the way it made him feel, not just sexually but the ego stroking she did. He was in a LTA and by the time I found out, they were both getting disenchanted with their relationship. He was seeing her for the middle aged pathetic woman she was and she was mad because he wouldn't leave me for her and was threathening him if he stopped seeing her. Even then they carried it on (not as much) for another year after DDay#1. When I asked him why, he said because he had no real consequences from me and she was still clinging to him and agreeing to whatever he wanted of her. Selfish as it sounds, that was his mindset. He didn't really want her, but it was easier than breaking it off with her. He says he never really wanted a divorce from me and he thought we had grown apart (yes, A's have that result on a marriage). Luckily I never got the ILYBINILWY speech. If he ever said that then I would have filed for D for sure and maybe that's why he never said it. I also feel wierd when he says he loves me now and I now feel weird say it back to him also. I don't feel for him the way I once did and I have told him that. I could even sometimes say ILYBINILWY and mean it myself. To me trust is the foundation of love and I no longer feel that I could ever trust him again with my heart.
I used to joke that he had ruined me for other men - I had no idea how true those words would be.
I just had a conversation with my WH about this recently. How I do not believe in "true love" "soulmates" "happily ever after" or the "Prince" anymore. My WH was very sad as he prides himself on being a KISA. My WH fell on his own sword when he had his A.
I used to love him with my whole heart. I will never love him, or anyone, like that ever again. I will die never knowing what it feels like to love like that, and to be loved in return with that same love. That depresses the crap out of me. I used to joke that he had ruined me for other men - I had no idea how true those words would be.
This really struck something in me. I've been cheated on in prior relationships, and it hurt. But somehow I always managed to still believe in love, and still be that optimistic, happy girl. Then I met WS, and felt that all my struggles were worth it because I finally met the man that was "the one" for me. He was so perfect in so many ways, and he helped me overcome my trust issues from my past. And then I found out that he had sex with two other women while he was with me. And it's like my world crashed. I no longer feel capable of loving anyone the way that I loved him. I think the A killed my innocence and hope, and I worry that I will never be the same person I used to be.
I'm taking a little step back from R to clear my head and calm myself down. I'm considering writing him a letter re: the Fog and his ideas on LOVE... He doesn't want to lose the family. He feels very remorseful about the A, but can't seem to get over the OW yet. Is this normal?????