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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: long time reader, first question
Rieley
♀ New Member
Member # 34668
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi everybody, I'm the bs divorced since 2009. at the time we ended up splitting custody of four kids. they still had visitation together, but the boys weren't minding me, taller than I am, etc. So there was no support because we had equal incomes. well now both kids that lived with me are in college. he still has a sophomore in high school and now he wants support because he has a minor at home, and I don't. the language in our agreement doesn't cover this scenario, I am surprised no one thought of this.


So he is asking, but there is no court order he can enforce. Will he have to take me to court for it? if anything, now I out earn him.
thanks for any advice!


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he would have to go to court to get an order put in place. Each state has a "calculator" that you can input the incomes and number of days each minor child lives with you/him.

Under the situation you describe, it sounds like he has custody of the only "minor" child. How do you split support of the college children? Do you support them at all? does he?


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5772 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He could ask the state CS enforcement to help him. It will take time and effort on his part, especially if they have never been involved before (which it sounds like). Or he could hire a L and ask the court to make a change to the CS order.

The bottom line is that it will take time and effort on his part. He cannot just call you up and say "Hey, I want CS now."

If it appears that he is going to make the effort then it would be in your best interest to retain a L. Start pulling together documentation now so you can show that you have supported the kids thru the years also. That will include tax document for the since 2008 (or earlier if you can find them) and also include any support you provide for the college age kids.

Good luck


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Rieley
♀ New Member
Member # 34668
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 1st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, he has custody of the last child that's a minor. I did the support calculator and it says I owe quite a bit. We have not been to court, he is just requesting it at this point.


We have just been paying for the ones that lived at our respective houses after high school. I am hesitant to open that can of worms, because while I have paid for some tuition and books, he has paid for jail fines and large medical fees for the ones that live with him. It's either equal, or I'm paying less there.


I guess I'm wondering if I should just pay it, or wait for the court to say I do.


I don't want to pay him, feels like a reward, even though I know it's not.


thank you for your reply!


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, my papers say he pays CS for each kid through one degree of college/university so technically, you are still supporting the ones that lived with you. Could say you are still supporting the two in college at this time. Leave it at that. If he wants it that bad, let him take you to court? Do you think he would?

It's a tough one. On the one hand, if you know he's struggling to raise the last one financially, and you are able to help, maybe you should. OTOH, if helping the two you had through college is strapping you..

I guess it depends on how your papers were written up. Was it you are responsible for x and y, and he's responsible for v and w, period?


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5418 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, my papers say he pays CS for each kid through one degree of college/university

Wow - really? So if they screw around and take 10 years to finish one degree, he has to pay the entire time?

My state changed the requirements. Here is it CS through age 18 or HS graduation, whichever is latter.

Anyway, I would 'try' to verbally play the card that you are both still supporting them via college and see if he challenges you on that or what sort of feedback you get?


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2055 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know where you live, but my lawyer told me that in my state there is no necessity to go to court to get a support order modified, but that it can be done through the child support enforcement agency.

My opinion is that you should think carefully about what you would want if the shoe were on the other foot. If your Ex made more than you, if the only minor child was living with you, etc.

I have a good friend, male, who was never married to the mother of his child. They have no divorce agreement, and she never filed any kind of support order. On his own volition he looked up the child support formula in his state and started sending her checks for the appropriate amount. I hope my sons turn out to be that kind of man.


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 258 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the t/j, but evenkeel, no, they can't goof around at college for 10 years and he would have to pay. Heck, *I* will stop paying for the brat if they do that!

It's for a reasonable time frame to complete one degree, because a home must be maintained for them during this time.

It's the first degree. If one of my children decide to go to medical school, no, CS will stop and he has no legal obligation to help. While they take their first 4 year degree, yes, he will continue to pay.

My son's current plan is to do 2 years of college to get a diploma, then he desperately wants to go to university. I have spoken to my xh, and if my son does this, he will pay for 6 years.

I'll be "ok" after the first 4 years, once my daughter goes to university/college too...I need the full CS to stay in this house until DD has finished high school...then I will move in a flash. I'm thrilled the papers were written up like that; it works for me to let my DD finish school where she wants to be.

Edited because my second child in my DD, not my DS who I kept referring to as she.

[This message edited by devistatedmom at 3:45 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5418 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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