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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Moving On
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Content  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I've woken up in our new home for 3 straight mornings now. And for 3 straight mornings the sense of dread, the fear, the chest gripping terror hasn't been there.

I fucking hate our old place. I realized I did before, but it hasn't been until living here a few days that I grasped the extent of it. Every square inch of that place was filled with hatred, pain and despair for me. Every single day I was reminded of any number of things just by being there. It took a tremendous toll on me to cope with on a day to day basis.

Yet here, I feel a great deal of stress has left me.

My wife has been downright jubilant and happier than I've seen her in a long time. Every day I've walked downstairs and into our living room she hops from our couch and gives me the nicest of greetings. She's happier, it shows, and I'm glad for that. I know living where everything went down has also been bothering her.

Yesterday we bought an attachment for our hose that has 9 different settings. Last night we spent 20 minutes just spraying the damn thing like kids. It was fun.

I've triggered a couple times though, mostly without her noticing too much. Just my lingering pain and sadness reminding me of what was. I remind myself of what is though, which is more important. And being in a new home has helped that immensely already.

Maybe the future will turn out wonderful.

Anyways, just some thoughts, thanks for reading.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's awesome, VD2012.


Posts: 7500 | Registered: Dec 2010
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's awesome VD2012, congrats to you and the wife.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hint: The future *will* turn out to be wonderful.

You're a rock star, VD. I'm so glad to see you happy and healing.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6750 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very happy for you and kinda jealous.

Good stuff...keep moving forward


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remind myself of what is though, which is more important.

I like this!

I hope things just keep on getting better for you!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 2:28 PM, August 2nd (Friday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome for you guys!!!

Just a question that I don't want to spoil the mood with, but was curious.

I've triggered a couple times though, mostly without her noticing too much

Are you minimizing? Or is it really not so much a trigger as it is a twinge.(Sorry, don't know how to word it better) If I truly trigger, I do want FWW to notice if she's around. If I'm just experiencing that sadness/sense of loss, I/m fine dealing with it.

As I said, just curious, we seem to be getting to a similar place, so, wondering.

Good for you on the house.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2979 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome news VD.

QS had a similar struggle. We moved out of the old dungeon 9 months after Dday and our first weeks in the new house were glorious.

Congrats!


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6291 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations - but now you have to deal with the issue of having a virtual housewarming party....

I have absolutely no jealousy. We've lived in a house (as opposed to an apartment) for only 5 or 6 of our married years, and I hated taking care of the damn things. In Dallas we had to water our foundation, for crying out loud! So I'm 100% very happy that you're happy in your new house.

A nozzle with 9 different sprays sounds incredibly cool, though....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 2nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Thanks for all the replies, they mean a lot. Didn't expect that sort of response, but goes to show what a great community SI is.

5454real, you're not spoiling any mood so don't worry.

To answer your question though, no I'm not. I get what you mean by twinge and that does happen frequently but no they're triggers.

They don't affect me as much as they once did. My wife is still my biggest trigger. Mainly looking at her legs (which I damn well can't help) and her mouth on occasion. Due to what she did. Her phone bugs me too. I still think of what she did and it bums me out at a minimum of once a day. That's what I'm working on. I'm trying to reach a state where they have as minimal impact on me as possible.

I'm getting better at self-soothing and bringing myself up from those moments. My wife was a hawk before darting in to rescue me every time something bothered me. In a way it's a personal victory that she doesn't notice so much. Not that she's not vigilant and proactive with helping me, moreso that I just don't need it. I still tell her after the fact or later on in the day just to keep communication open but my need for her during triggers has diminished a lot. As a result of handling more by myself it's snowballing and I'm getting better at doing so every time. Of course I still have the occasional one where she's needed and her help, assurance and general loving demeanor is appreciated.

It's a work in process with the eventual goal of having minimal triggers that affect me as little as possible with no involvement from my wife in resolving the outcome. Self-sufficiency and self-reliance.

Anyways, thanks again for all the nice replies. Put a smile on my face.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Topic Posts: 10

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