I provide winter coats, (uniform) shoes, and the much larger wardrobe.
Child support is not designed to cover clothing for the non-custodial parent's custodial time. Here's a great article to share with your ex: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/articles/what-does-child-support-actually-cover.html
[This message edited by hoya96 at 4:53 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]
I don't mind packing clothes (they grow out of them so fast/or taste change), but I asked that he keep PJ's, play shoes, swim suits, and toiletries there for them for convenience, but the wifey doesn't like it. She treats them like they are invading HER home and he allows it.
Very sad for them...
"The only thing left to do is forgive and forget. I want to forgive you and I want to forget you!" ~Lauren Conrad
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
I have all of their clothes. My kids pack their own suitcase for visitation. I will inspect the outfits to make sure they match and are appropriate for the weather, throw in a pair of shoes and jammies. He will wash it and return it each week. I will direct the kids to pack for vacations per anything ex requests.
I buy all of their clothing, ex buys all shoes/undies and all jammies.
We tried to keep things separate in the beginning, and it became way too confusing. This is what works for us...
I think I need to reexamine my motives. Most of you seem okay with providing the clothing, and I think it's helpful for me to remember that it's about my kids, not him.
I think it really bugged me that he asked for clothing for this vacation. I had to pack for the vacation that I used to go on with my kids, and he now takes the Owife and her kids along with my kids. That stung. It made me feel like some sort of servant, helping the royal family prepare for their holiday while I stay at home and clean the house.
That feeling should not be what motivates me. I should be motivated by helping my kids. I want them to wear clothing that they feel comfortable in. It sucks that he couldn't be bothered to take his kids shopping now and again to get some extra clothes, and he and I had a minor pissing contest over it, but I'm not about to turn this into WW III. It's so not worth it.
Again, thank you.
I had to pack for the vacation that I used to go on with my kids, and he now takes the Owife and her kids along with my kids. That stung. It made me feel like some sort of servant, helping the royal family prepare for their holiday while I stay at home and clean the house.
Yeah, that would hurt me, too. ((((HUGS))))
Does he do it? No
But visitation takes place at his mothers house & she has a shoe fetish!! My kids come home nearly every week with a new pair of shoes.
I decided that I would not compain about the clothes.... If free shoes were falling from the skies!!!!!
And their clothes come back washed and beautifully ironed!
Although in 2 months time (after nearly 4 years) ex WH will move into his own home.
I suspect things will change. No more clean/ironed clothes... But that is ok. It is just not a hill I want to do battle on!!!!!
I think over the years the anger/negative feelings have disappeared.... maybe this would have bothered me when the S was fresh but now I really don't mind packing their stuff. We are past the "you should" stage.......
And we just get on with it.
I think it's called indifference..
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
If it were me, I think I'd just send what they needed for that particular visitation, and ask that everything came home again.
In your case, he wants you to replenish his household stock. Um, no. However, if you feel that you need to, I'd hit up some garage sales this summer and buy some cheap outfits, but otherwise, not a chance. Plus, I wouldn't want Ms. Ashley Madison's kids to be wearing any good clothes that were bought by you.
[This message edited by sparkysable at 9:07 AM, August 4th (Sunday)]
I always had them pack a bag before they left..with enough clothes for the entire weekend..and pajamas..and often,a change of clothes *just in case.*
He paid his child support,his half of the medical bills,and occasionally he played Santa Claus if he had them on Christmas.
It never even occurred to me to tell him he had to buy clothes for the kids while they were at his house. First,he never took them shopping before,and wouldn't have any idea as to what they would need..or what was appropriate. And second,Im sure he would have told me he couldn't afford it.
It honestly never bothered me. They are my kids. They live here. If they go to Grandma's for the weekend,I would do the same..pack a bag and make sure they had what they needed to wear during the time they were there.
Now,if they spent 50% of their time at their dad's,I might have felt differently. But as it was,it was no big deal for them to pack a bag and take their clothes with them.
Oh..it would have been nice if he had at least returned their clothes laundered..but that never happened.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
In our div/parenting class that was mandatory in our county, they stressed making two homes for the kids. The packing of bags reinforces that house they are going to is where they visit, not live. Like I mentioned earlier, this pretty much the one thing my ex has done well, he has made his house a home for the kids. They need nothing going between houses other than sports related stuff and my dd's blankies.
Pretty much the only useful info from the 4 hrs of classes we had to attend
And I know the limitations of this advice is that you have another parent that goes along with this. I know from MANY other areas that "what is recommended" is often not a reality that is achievable.
In our div/parenting class that was mandatory in our county, they stressed making two homes for the kids. The packing of bags reinforces that house they are going to is where they visit, not live.
It makes me sad to read that. Too bad we didn't have that class. Ex makes it very clear that the kids don't have a home with him. They have to take turns sleeping on the couch at his place! The place he OWNS by the way, this is not a new rental situation. Ex actually SOLD the bunk beds he'd bought for the 2nd bedroom, because he "didn't like the way they look".
It was a bit of irony at one point, because I was called "too controlling". So I backed off on packing. in total, for a few months. At one point when making his arrangements, nearly ExH started to request certain things that he knew DD has.
Thanks be that I got custody and she only goes on visits, for who knows what would happen otherwise, as he is "little to no rules", for the most part. Yes, she wears the junior lingerie too and has come home without it on a few times, so I've made a little noise that it's important now.
FWIW, I think we all have different perspective on what is "enough" of something. I tend to be comfortable with extra -towels, bathing suits, underthings-where he doesn't notice too much until there aren't any clean ones at all.
I've found that sharing some of this responsibility is the best way, where something I will ask him to get and keep at the place they stay most, or something I will get and give to keep there, so she has the same...necessities that aren't clothing like acne stuff or swimming gear.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
It seems to me that in the case of 50/50 custody, each parent should be responsible for the clothing (and laundry) of the kids during the time they are there.
It's interesting to see all the different situations here.
Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.