Topic: 8 months out and now a miscarriage
Member # 38511
| Posted: 8:24 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
So Sorry Tear, wish I had the right words for you. (((Hugs))).
Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years
Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 39841
| Posted: 8:37 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry dear. I just want you to remind something that most probably your doctor had already told "If there is a miscarriage, it is usually because the baby is not healthy" and although it hurts like hell, maybe this is better. I always believe that even when things look so bad, so unjust, there is something good in them that we just don't know. I believe in God and I cannot imagine God's trying to hurt us just for fun. Instead God is protecting us from the worse. Most of us must accept that our marriages suck and although we survive somehow our children are the ones who pay the biggest price for that so maybe God wants to save another poor child from growing up in an unhappy home.
DD: Mid April 2013
Married for 9 years
Have twins aged 3,5
Posts: 24 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 30826
| Posted: 8:45 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
M: June 2001
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 34823
| Posted: 8:49 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I'm so sorry, Tear.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Posts: 8088 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 34602
| Posted: 8:59 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I lost my angel baby in February. I know exactly how you feel. We have already lost so much because of the affair. Why do we have to lose this, too? It feels like not only are humans against you (ie your WH) but also God. It's just not fair. My advice isto grieve. Don't stuff it. R was not going well for me before I got pregnant or after the miscarriage. I was emotionally abused and not allowed to grieve. I cried myself to sleep last night screaming I want my baby. Don't ever let anyone tell you to be thankful for what you do have and then make you feel bad because you are still sad. We aren't idiots. Yes, we know that we are lucky to have a roof over our head, food to eat, and even other children. But that doesn't make our angels any less important. It doesn't mean that our angels didn't matter.
Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 31722
| Posted: 10:17 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
My heart goes out to you.
Sending prayers and strength.
Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 34353
| Posted: 11:07 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Please get some IC to help you get thru this time
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile
Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Member # 30989
| Posted: 11:34 AM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
(((Tear))) I'm so sorry. The loss of a pregnancy, and the waiting, is so difficult.
Be gentle with yourself.
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke
Posts: 8852 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 39709
| Posted: 12:11 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry! I am crying for you right now. There really couldn't be worse timing for the loss of a baby then in the middle of dealing with the after math of an affair. Please allow yourself all the time you need to grief. I have lost a baby too. If you need to talk please pm me.
Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 29341
| Posted: 12:21 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage as well and it was a very dark time for me. Please be gentle with yourself. I am so very sorry for your loss. (((((hugs)))))
We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.
Posts: 6810 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 24261
| Posted: 4:16 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
There are many here who have lost a precious angel baby and our hearts and thoughts are with you now.
Now is the time to take the greatest care of yourself. Time will heal this awful painful loss but you will never forget him or her.
Hugs, peace and strength to you.
DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)
Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!
Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Member # 30396
| Posted: 4:42 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
I am so sorry. There are no words adequate to ease the pain. Just know that we are here to support you. God is with you and will be with you. Lightchaser was right, a miscarriage usually means something is wrong with the baby. This was not your fault in any way. IC could help you through grief counseling.
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10
Posts: 1654 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 36711
| Posted: 4:59 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013|
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 35812
| Posted: 2:20 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. A miscarriage is such a hidious loss of hope and potential all wrapped up together.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 34086
| Posted: 2:23 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 14576
| Posted: 3:22 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
I am so very sorry.
Talk to your angel baby...he or she hears you and will envelop you in love.
Sending strength, prayers, and huge hugs...
Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.
Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
Member # 26493
| Posted: 5:49 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
FWS: Him (38)/BS: Me (35)
DD, 9 & DS, 3
D-Day: 3.22.09 EA admitted
OW:a very sad, pathetic excuse for a woman.
"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."
Posts: 118 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 38975
| Posted: 5:53 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
Oh Tear...I am so sorry and my heart breaks for you. Sending you love and prayers.
I hope you find some comfort in the following.
A Mother's Prayer
In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.
I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.
During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.
I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attentio to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.
I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.
In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.
Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.
Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.
Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.
Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.
Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.
Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.
I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.
I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 5:54 PM, August 5th (Monday)]
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou
Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 34477
| Posted: 8:06 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013|
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage shortly before exwh started his A. It still makes me sad but you will get through it. Allow yourself time to grieve. I got pregnant the next month after the miscarriage and I realize now that I never thoroughly healed. Give yourself time to completely heal.
Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
|Topic Posts: 39|