I feel for you BeautifulEmpty, and I'm actually thinking now he is in a very tough spot as almost every last one of our mutual friends have abandoned him, and he has limited family already. He still has MOW, but of course we all like to predict how long that will last, which is not that long (especially given he already cheated on her since we separated).
Like addictions, I really hope one of these days the consequences are bad enough for him that he realizes he needs help.. I hope he does this for the kids because after the years of torture, I'm done with him for good. I'm just not strong enough to put up with that anymore. The emotional and some physical abuse was far more than anyone should have to take.. But you give a lot of hope to people have truly "remorseful" bipolar spouses who would really take the steps to get healthy..
How are you doing WaryOptimist? How's your daughter?
I think that he should be committed. See if there is an actual problem with him, he could just be... not nice
I know that we all sometimes have tendencies to slap on a label. But none of us know your WH and are trained in this area.
Lets not give him an excuse if there isn't something wrong with him
Byt there is no shame is saying, "sticking with this BP person in sickness and health is making ME sick and my kids sick...I'm done." I think the OP has stuck with him in sickness and health and then some already. That's what I've witnessed with mental health issues...when a person does not get help OR the help isn't working, loved ones are forced to draw a protective boundary (leaving, cutting off contact) in order to maintain some semblance of an emotionally and mentally healthy lives for themselves.